Am I overreacting?

not a nice thing for her to do to you , she is warped !

That's just mean . I feel the same way as you about 'surprise' pictures of insects.

i really dislike people who do things like that and cloak it as a joke.

It's not big and it's not clever . I'd tell her quite calmly that it wasn't funny. Then carry on as normal. If she does it again then that's a bigger conversation.

Rolande
If it were me, there wouldn't be another conversation.

Just ignore it. Delete pic and never mention it again. In the scheme of things it's not a big thing. x

It is if you have a phobia. Tell her to act her age and not her shoe size.

Perhaps she doesn't understand how much just a picture can upset you. A phobia is different to not liking something.

Could you go for de-sensitization treatment (exposure therapy) if this is affecting you so much?

It was thoughtless but maybe she really doesn't understand how awful your phobia is. I wouldn't let it interrupt an already fragile relationship.

I don't think that you are over-reacting. I am afraid that her action with the picture may well be deliberate because there remains some sort of beef with you and the rest of the family, at least inside her head if nowhere else.

You are kind to want to re-establish contact with her but if I were you, I wouldn't expect much from her in terms of her behaviour. Look after yourself.

I agree with wordy

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it was thoughtlessness and genuinely not understanding how upset you would be, (unless she's done that type of thing before).

From all you've said, I think your sister is quite self-absorbed. Look after yourself and don't pander to her too much.

She does sound rather immature

Other than having huge "ups" and "downs", I don't know much about bi-polar disorder. Is this nastiness caused by the disorder or is it just indicative of a person with a spiteful streak? I expect someone on here has professional or personal knowledge of bi-polar disorder and may be able to answer.

It's up to you to decide whether you can cope with this sort of behaviour. Even if someone may not be wholly responsible for their behaviour because of certain mental health issues, I think*FarNorth*'s comment is right - whilst you may in your own mind "make allowances", I think rude or unkind behaviour should be challenged and it be made clear that it is unacceptable.

Can't see that sending this picture is anything to do with being bi-polar. I can understand as I also will not look at even photos of spiders, not watch them on television.
However, this is your sister - and people do have a very different idea of what constitutes a joke. Most definitely not worth breaking off your relationship with her. You are fortunate to have a sister. Keep the relationship going as long as you both can.

Thank you for all your messages. It helps me keeping things in perspective. I'll carry on with trying and keep an open mind and open my emails carefully!

My sister and I are always winding each other up with photos of snakes, which terrify us, and cheeky comments about our size and shape. I think it is something siblings too frequently.

Hang on a minute, it wasn't just one photo sent, she sent you a second after you had pointed out your reaction. I am sorry but this sounds just plain nasty and to be honest you have come this far in your life without contact so I would say stop the contact and the hope of trying to find your old lovely sister. Just live with the good memories you have of her and not start to build up bad ones.

I think she is attention seeking and the only way she knows how to do it is with bad behavior. Not that knowledgeable about mental health, but this and her past history of falling out with all the family sounds more like a personality disorder rather than bipolar.

Totally ignore bad behavior, don't respond, don't let her know it has upset you. If she mentions it say as little as possible and change the subject, Only respond to nice behaviour.

Not sure this relationship can go far but understand you have to try. I wonder how her husband managed.

I was thinking the same as ajanela . Google personality disorder and see if it fits . I would ignore the spider posts and not even mention that you have received them to her . Sounds like attention seeking to me .

My grandaughter 7 doesnt like spiders and i sent her a cartoon pic of a spider, I just did it to stop her being scared......now i am feeling bad.

You did say that you missed her, so I assume that there is a side to her that meets your need to have a sisterly relationship. She won't be the first sister in the world to be a ar*se at times, in some families this is normal, teasing and winding each other up, fallings out etc are just part and parcel of life for many people. Doesn't stop them loving each other.

Is that more than you can cope with? Is the spider thing the only way that she can upset you, or are you concerned that she didn't take your hint and sent it again in the e mail?

Is this the sister that you 'missed' or is this someone you can't really cope with, who just happens to be a sibling?

I miss my sister, she died from breast cancer about 10 years ago, I miss the fun times we had but she also had a very cruel streak and I don't miss that or the worry it caused me or the damage she did to the wider family. She caused rifts that have proved irreparable.

If you truly miss her as she is, flaws and all then proceed with caution but maybe, you just miss having a sibling and that is something a lot of us have to face as we get older.

Only you can calculate whether it is worth it to you or not, to take a different view of her pranks and minimise any effects upon yourself.

If my sister had confined herself to stupid pranks, I could have lived with that and just put it down to 'her being her', I wish that had been the case.

My dad was what would now be described as bi-polar. I sympathise with your whole family because it is so difficult to deal with. Your sister sounds to be at the worst end of what is a wide spectrum. She may be going through a bad spell. If I were you I would leave it now and resume contact when you are comfortable with doing so. At some point she may be willing to tell you more about what was wrong, but don't bank on it. One thing when my dad was being treated (a long time ago and traumatic treatment) my mum asked the psychiatrist how she should deal with his mood swings he told her to treat him as far as possible as she would do if he hadn't a problem but to be prepared to realise that he might not respond at the time as she expected but there might be longer term results when he had thought about things.
Please do stay in touch. She is a person and needs to have her family and whatever her mental health problems she's still your sister. Hope things go well for you.

silverlining48 I hope you do feel bad. I have a snake phobia and I know I would not appreciate such a 'joke'.

I think it definitely could have something to do with being bi polar. I have a friend who has it and she sometimes plays unkind "jokes". She has fewer inhibitions and sometimes her behaviour can seem odd. Try to put up with it if there are other things about her that you value.

I agree with ajanela does sound more like a personality disorder. I think I would keep things going for the time being now you have started and not reply if anything not acceptable is sent.