People who need people.

@Day6 You sound just like me. I love my family and have some dear friends , but need a lot of 'me' time. It's as though I need to shut down for a while after spending time with people, much as I enjoy their company. I was a single mother for quite a few years, and although my friends were more important during that time, I still longed to get home and shut the door. We're all made differently, and some of us are just more insular than others. Vive la difference!

Sunseeker
I think you and I bear the same cross.
Having lived in the S West for thirty years I find since my DH past away ten years ago I have lived on my self made island.
I can please myself what I want to do when I want to do it , although sounding ideal to those who have family issues is not healthy.

I consider the use of "introvert" in this thread rather misleading . Oxford Dictionary : an introvert is a person predominately concerned with his/her own feelings rather than with external things" which does imply a sense of self absorption / self-centeredness without empathy for those around. Seeking and enjoying solitude does not necessarily make one shy nor unfeeling.
Like several others, I am not a "joiner", never was as a child, and do not relish regular commitments on certain days , prefer mixed company to all women groups. I love entertaining and socialising fairly regularly but do not need people or family around me every day. I am happy with my own company, reading, gardening and I prefer to shop alone.
Each to her own - vive la difference!

I had a sad start to life, born to an unmarried mother. The age where it brought shame on the family. For that reason I was hidden away for the first few years of life and not socialised. An only child .... It has left me not being a good mixer and preferring my own company most of the time. I still don't enjoy company and am quite happy having just the odd conversation with anyone, but don't feel I need more. I have lived on my own for over ten years and while I don't think it is normal ... it is just the way I am now. Sad but true.

Me too. Am exactly the same!
Was recently recommended this lovely book:
www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0141029196?tag=gransnetforum-21

Quiet - the power of introverts ... By Susan Cain

She's done a fascinating TED talk too
www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts

Made me accept myself a bit more.

You are not peculiar or a rare breed to like your own company. I am the very same. I work in a charity shop 2 afternoons a week and sing along with the radio which has all the customers laughing. Some days I don't sing and the regular customers ask me if I'm alright! I attend a knitting group to catch up with village gossip, but the rest of the time I love to spend on my own, reading books, learning a language and teaching myself the piano. People are there if I need them, but I am very happy by myself. Can't help it, its me!

Day 6 I can relate to your post as my childhood was similar, quiet child, always had my head in a book. I became more confident as a teenager & going back to college after a divorce (in my early 30s) helped my confidence no end. However I still find it hard to face new situations & people.

I love my own company which helped me over the death of my DH, I have moved to a new area so have had to force myself to join things & make new friends. My DD & DGS live about 10 miles away, not that I see much of them (usual busy school, football,swimming etc).

I do use the internet to stay in touch with old friends & phone calls, also ring DM every 2/3 days, she's 88 & lives 300 miles away.

My idea of heaven is a good book or tv programme uninterupted by another human, cat's a different matter. I like to know I've got some activities on my calendar but will quite happily go out on my own, eat out, go into a pub, or visit an NT property. Thank goodness we're all different.

Oh Day6 you could be discribing me. I love my own company as does my DH we can quite happily be in the same house and not feel the need to chat all day. Lots of our friends are joiners and are always asking us to join various groups societies etc but I have always had an aversion to having to be at a certain place at a certain time each week that was bad enough when I was working. We both go to the gym and swim but not always together. My hobbies photography and gardening tend to solitary. I fully understand that others prefere a life full of doing things to plan and have great sympathy for those how are alone and lonley.

You sound a lot like me, Day6, I love quiet days when there's nothing on the calendar, I can enjoy my own company and just potter, maybe go out in the garden to do a few little jobs, or stay inside with some sewing or a good book.
My dear late husband was the same. We weren't 'party people' and found joy in the small everyday things which the more sociable types may find mundane. Despite being quiet unassuming people we did sometimes get party invitations and I often felt 'forced' to turn up, put on an act and chat BUT for me the best part of the evening was getting home, putting on the kettle and having a nice quiet cup of tea. Feet up, slippers on and let out a deep sigh.

Day6 - at the risk of repeating what others have said - I am a lot like you and like my own company.

I don't know if it's peculiar and it doesn't matter to me if others say it is.

After a lifetime of being at work under the pressure of multiple deadlines, it is nice to have none and to enjoy taking time over the simplest of tasks.

I totally get where you are coming from. You need the right company to feed what you need. As I have got older I find superficial meetings, I can't wait to get away. Like you I have family and friends and attend lots. I love days on my own but not too many. Winter I get a bit lonely but now everything is happening.

day6 - haven't had time to read all the comments, but I am like you, and thank my lucky stars! You never know when there will be no-one around for company, so to be self-sufficient is a blessing. Good luck to you.

I love quiet days when there's nothing on the calendar, I can enjoy my own company and just potter, maybe go out in the garden to do a few little jobs, or stay inside with some sewing or a good book

I relish those kind of days when I am at home too lovebeigecardigans1955 Sadly few and far between, but I spend most of my working days completely alone (with only Gransnet for company). It can get very lonely and sometimes I pounce on the postman just to have a conversation with someone.

I would hate to be isolated and lonely on a permanent basis, but like the OP, I have a huge need for solitary time. Since I have been retired, people are always trying to get me to sign up to clubs, go on group holidays etc., and much as I appreciate their kindness, I would prefer not to be a joiner.
I did do a couple of years voluntary work, and enjoyed the company I found there, but had to leave because of a house move and haven't found anything similar near to me.
I hope I'm not grouchy or antisocial, but I am happy on my own and have lots to do.
I think the important factor here is choice; if you choose to enjoy your own company that's fine, but if you are forced into being alone most of the time it must be pretty soul-destroying.
At any rate, I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only person craving 'alone time'. There seems to be quite a lot of us, and I need no longer feel that I'm an oddity!

So there you are, Day6, many of us share your sentiments about being solitary! I'm an introvert - and very much a loner. I often felt more lonely in the two marriages I had, than I do now as a widow. (First marriage was to an alcoholic, ending in divorce. Second was to an out-and-out narcissist who became very ill in his latter years, and was nursed by me, until his death).
I consider myself very fortunate to have generous pensions, so no money worries, and a lovely house that I'm in the process of refurbishing.
I don't have a large circle of friends - one who lives nearby, whom I see every week, and a more distant friend, who is at the end of the phone every week. Also, I have a daughter nearby, who I see every week too.

I relish being able to eat what I want, to watch what I want on TV, and to be free to do exactly as I please. I'm quite happy to go to cafes, pubs and shopping alone, no need for a companion.

I dare say, we get a little selfish as we get older, so maybe this explains why we feel how we feel!

I'm another Day6. I'm out and about a lot, belong to several groups, know lots of people in the area to pass the time of day with, best friends with my two married daughters and granddaughters, keep in touch with school and college friends by email and meet-ups, have a retired DH and yet I love being on my own, pottering around, reading, doing my own thing. Maybe because I'm an only child and lived in a tied house not in a street, we had no neighbours although I went round to friends' houses to play and friends came to our house. I was always glad we didn't live in a street or I might have been expected to be out playing in the street at 'tig' games etc. Not my scene.

That is exactly how I am, I have lived alone with my three dogs for the past 13 years and never been happier. Married thirty three years, and 4 daughters, plus working part time as a nurse, my life was full and very hectic at times. Of course the girls flit in and out, but they are busy with work and their families. I wallow in the peace of my lovely, quiet life, walking many miles with my dogs. I read, knit, do jigsaws, crosswords and generally do exactly what I want, when I want. Personally, I feel that outside my close family, people generally cause nothing but hassle in my life. Selfish? some may see it like that. I wouldnt have it any other way.

I was always something of a loner and share my home with another of the same sort. We both went through that age when nature forced us to seek a partner for life, which we did and we have been very happy. But we have alway wanted our own space
Othere dont alway see it that way In Germany where hikes are done traditionally in groups, there is no understanding when I say DH goes on his own. I also like being alone and my horror would be a cruise on a huge liner. When i imagine spending a week with as many people as go to a shopping centre I feel I would pay not to go.
I took a while till I could admit to preferring to being by myself but I do meet others in the space of a week at Bridge and French Conversation.
I don't like weddings they bore me and usually I only feel bored when in the company of a lot of people, never when on my own.
This was an interesting thread.

I think it first struck me that no company is sometimes preferable to any company when I became a mother for the first time and joined a regular coffee morning/babygroup set up. I and another girl who I still see dropped out of it after a while. We both felt we'd had enough, all the droning on about the various stages of babyhood and the competitive edge some mothers develop vicariously. There was also this emphasis on going out together all the time so we moved about in a possee (possibly not the right collective noun) of prams formation which also drove me mad. Yes it occurred to me there and then that I'm not a great "joiner inner". I have about half a dozen close female friends, some are old school friends, some from work and occasional evening meals out with some of the mothers from our mutual childrens' school days. I enjoy a meet up for lunch every few weeks with a close friend, I'm doing it tomorrow in fact. I enjoy doing plenty of things on my own though, swimming, gym reading etc. I particularly hate clothes shopping with others, I hate trolling around looking at clothes others are interested in. I like to do my shopping on my own. My husband is much more of a "people person" than me, I know I'm unsociable at times, but reading through this thread it seems I'm not that unusual.

Good for you! I feel exactly the same, Day6. Read Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli Rufus.

Day6, I am the same and in the same position with regards family and friends. I have joined the WI however as I am aware that if anything happened to my OH I would lose the trips, holidays and social talk that I normally have with Oh. and believe me the WI provide that and It is just enough that I don't feel overloaded'. I feel no need to be surrounded by people and be busy but at the same time I feel the need to chat to someone, anyone other than my OH and I am lucky that I am not shy and can strike up a conversation with anyone, but not everyone can unfortunately do this and this is one of the reasons for feeling lonely.

I understand how the need to be alone suprises some people I work and have husband and family .i do feel the need to have time to myself no you are not strange or indeed peculiar I Agree with your comments, I read and cook and knit etc and enjoy my solitude but I am lucky that I can visit friends and relatives when I want it's time that's the nuisance for me not enough of it!

But the O/P refers to people who want an antidote to their woes, this has nothing to do with reading, gardening, listening to the radio, some posters reach out in despair or as Day6 refers to - as their woes.

I think the difference is those who choose to be alone at times and those who through bereavement or other circumstances are alone all the time. As I said previously, I am quite happy with my own company but I miss knowing there will, at some point, be another person in the house I could chat to. Meeting up with friends for lunch or coffee is fine and enjoyable but it still means coming back to an empty house.

Yes big difference sunseeker