People who need people.

Harris 27 I don't think anybody is surprised at the desire or need we most of us have for our personal space, for time to do what we want, when we want, to join or not to join. We are mostly pretty self reliant but if people do contribute to forums such as this, so much the better or there wouldn't be a GN!!
Nobody has taken issue with that. But as Anniebach says, to find it strange that some people reach out to others "as an antidote to their woes" is very dismissive of those whose "woes" include, even centre round, isolation, loneliness, emotional, mental or physical separation from family/partners or friends.
That's what this was about. Not about privacy or whether we are introverts, extroverts, gregarious or solitary people.
And BTW thank God for people who DO volunteer for charity or voluntary work. Their motivation may not in fact be to meet others, but (not hard to understand) an unselfish desire to help others .

Day6 - I recognise myself absolutely from your description of needing and enjoying your own company. Fortunately we are a family of 'aloners', able to switch on to social mode as and when required, but much happier doing our own thing. I am forever grateful that we are able to have our own spaces in the house, as well as several hidey-holes (for DH) in the garden. DH and I even take separate holidays (but we do often go out together for days and weekends) and after 48 years of marriage we must be doing something right. Long live happy solitude!

acanthus, if your husband suddenly walked out on you for a younger model, if you were to be diagnosed with breast cancer you were alone, no family near , if your dsughter developed a serious illness which you knew little about, if , if, if.

You would just sit alone without the need for human contact, no need to reach out to others in the hope someone would understand your suffering - I refuse to describe these as WOES - ?

AnnieB, people can want and have solitude, enjoy their own company but that doesn't mean they have friends they could contact in the situations you describe.

Thank you Barmyoldbat - I think you intended to say that it doesn't mean my liking my own company necessarily precludes me from friendships. I do indeed have friends whom I have supported through thick and thin and I hope I could ask them for similar support if necessary. Anniebach - how can you be sure I haven't had problems in my life? Like most people I've had to confront difficult times and situations within the family; sometimes I've felt strong enough to cope, other times I've sought solace from friends ; it's just that I am very happy with my own company, without being an anchoress. As someone once said "I shall miss 'me' when I'm dead!"
And by the way, I'm still waiting for DH to leave me for a younger model, but he just won't take the hint.....

And thank you Ancanthus, yes that is what I mean, I have supported people in fact two friends through cancer and then support for their husband following their death. I believe that my OH keeps his younger model in the loft as he can spend hours up there and I can't get up the ladder. Thinking about it will need someone when he is gone to clear the loft, will put it on my list of things to do.

I enjoy my own company, but do like others company too, but dont enjoy people popping in all the time.I am going to have a problem soon, after supporting my neighbour for a few years, her DH has dementia, and has just gone into a care home, now she will have lots of time she hasnt had for ages, she does have friends, who I know she will go out with, BUT I am dreading in case she starts popping in every evening, or suggests going out together when I have something planned, she is inclined to organise everyone,and that I am dreading, I dont want to offend her, but I cant imagine being "organised" the rest of my life.I think in fact I must be like Day6. Any suggestions ladies?

I agree with Anniebach.

I'm another one who can spend hours on my own and not even notice, I do get very involved with whatever I am doing at the time. I am also one who could not cope with constant socialising. That said, if a friend phones and suggests a day out etc. I love it. We are all different and let's be thankful that we are.

Thank you wot. I hope posters who have come to this forum needing advice ,support or encouragement or are bereft will not for a second think they are not strong, and knowtheir troubles are Certsintly not woes.

MawBroon, please tell me where I say I find it strange that people reach out to others as an antidote to woes? You as well Anniebach.

I say no such thing.

What is strange for ME is that I don't do that. I ought to. I bottle things up and I am not good at sharing personal stuff.

I tried counselling once, and it didn't work for me because I wasn't very good at opening up.

The strange thing is, others do it, and it helps them, but I seem unable to do it.

THAT is the point of my post. You've chosen to put a different spin on it, so you can berate me.

Either that or you have lousy reading comprehension skills.

Reaching out to others, in real life or on line, for whatever reason, loneliness or a need to share stuff, or for advice or company is never a bad thing. Where do I say it is?

The point of my post is - I am not very good at doing it. I wish sometimes my nature was different.

However, carry on maligning me if that's what floats your boats.

Anniebach, WOES is another word for troubles. Look it up. Woes can be big, small, major, minor or trivial things. Sharing them can help.

You seem determined to find fault.

Hmm, seems some people need to read the OP again, and actually listen to what Day6 says rather than twisting it into an attack on others. As I see it, it describes a self-reflecting wistfulness.

You had no problem opening up in your first post Day6 , and no I am not determined to find fault, i found your woes comment smug but as to the rest of your post good fir you that you can live the life you choose .

Anniebach Completely agree. "Antidote to their woes" is perhaps a poor choice of phrase. Yes, as someone else said "woes" does mean "worries", but it somehow seems to trivialise the situation. Semantics maybe, but ... even so.
Day6 I'm sure you didn't mean it to sound like that, but once someone has taken it like that, it's out there.
The key, as I've said and so have others, is choice. I am a loner, can't be doing with busy gatherings of people no matter how much I love them, but would hate to be alone. And, yes, I've used forums (fora?) for advice and support when I had "worries."

Sunsekker that is very poignant coming back to an empty house when my dh was working full time and vothnkids left home it was fine until we lost our beloved King Charles over 15 years ago, then i Jared coming home to empty house yet I knew dh would come back that evening!

It's just in my case a huge lump of vulnerability since our daughter cut us off 8 years ago I worry that other good friends and family will do the same, not altogether logical but it's how it's left me.

Having had months of chronic back pain, I am extremely anxious and vulnerable waiting for treatment and sometimes I wonder how on Earth I would cope without my wonderful husband but no point stressing try cope each day,

Sorry I have deviated from main issue!

Goodness, many are happy alone to themselves, and many are not. I don't see that Day6 was trying to trivialise at all. It seemed, to me, Day6 had an interesting thought.

woe is me - does this come from a carry in film? Could be why I find it so trivial a description of emotional pain

I feel sorry for the OP. She was just making a point, saying how she felt, wondering if others felt the same. All fairly innocuous. For what it's worth I agree with a lot of what you say Day6, and how I used to hate those team events at work. Go on enjoying life in the way that you do. I for one don't see that you offended anyone, even though some may have taken offence. Two different things really.

Day 6 I apologise if I thought that by contrasting your preferred lifestyle with those who turn to sites such as this with their worries (let's not say "woes" because it can evoke Frankie Howerdian connotations), I understood that you found it in any way unusual. But far from "attacking" you, please reread my reply (Wed 10.43)

(if) you were left lonely and isolated, I expect you might understand why the Internet is a lifeline for some people. I take no issue with anything you have said and many, if not most people would share most of your opinions. It is good to be happy in one's own company but it can also be a lonely place when it is 24/7
So no, you are not a rare breed just a very blessed one

But I do understand that the internet is a lifeline for people, and I've said that several times.

My liking my own company is not a thread about those completely alone who value and treasure company and use the internet for advice, friendship, support and a ( written) natter. I completely understand that.

I feel I could have written this myself! Sounds
Like you may be an extroverted introvert! I looked into this while studying counselling and realised that was me. I have a social anxiety issue and thought for a ling time something was really wrong. I hate people arriving unannounced, speaking on the phone and have to manage my anxiety before going out. Nobody thst knows me thinks of me as anything but sociable, very confident and outgoing. When I am out I either never want to leave or plan an exit before I arrive. I love my own company and am learning at 48 to accept myself. I say no to things now and my friends understand. I didnt explain the issues before and would make excuses. Now I am honest and my friends and family undertand. I used to be very hard on myself and feel guilty about becoming massively pissed off with anyone popping round! Some people need to recharge on their own in a quiet way, others feel recharged after being in a group. I have a bipolar diagnosis 2, but in honesty I feel many of my mental health episodes could have been avoided in the past if I had learned how to balace my involvment in social situations better. Being at a party can elevate me beyond knowing when to leave or can make me inwardly scream to be at home! My OH and DD DS's are fabulous
OH is very happy in own company and is anti social but feels no pressure to go to events! Maybe youll find peace with accepting yourself and enjoy your social choices! X

Like you OP I enjoy my own company. I'd rather be this way than feel the need for constant stimulation by others. I'm also more of a one to one person or small groups of, otherwise all you do is make small talk all evening which is exhausting and really rather pointless.

How strange to have a thread entitled "people who need people" and then to have posts where all everybody seems to do is say how much they do NOT.
No accounting for folk it seems. .

I got it, not sure why you didn't Maw.