People who need people.

I understood what you were saying Day6 and I am very similar myself.In fact, I have to have some time during the week on my own, quiet days with nothing planned at all.

We have friends who pack in activities all day long and both myself and DH goggle in horror at their itineries!

I can understand that penstemon , but I think it could and should be said without the - many peoples antidotes etc. I am sure many who have reached out here for understanding and received understanding did not find their troubles solved but may have been given hope

I suppose it's horses for courses Roses, but I'd be shattered, mentally and physically if I did only half the things some people pack into their days.

Good for them, but I'd be twitching to get back home for some peace and quiet. It's where I recharge my batteries. We have a family do on Friday night and much as I love everyone who'll be there, I am already looking forward to it being over. Weird!!!

I cannot be the only one who hated her wedding day? It was a small affair, in the '70s, but being the bride and the centre of attention was such a strain for me. I hated every minute of it and was glad when new husband and I could escape. My unease is clearly visible in all the photos! It was supposed to be the best day of my life but I just didn't enjoy it.

Now I am older I cope with gatherings and take them in my stride and I am chatty and at ease, but I always feel some trepidation leading up to social events.

My next door neighbour out does me though. He is completely antisocial and takes himself off for months on end to be in the mountains, away from people. He doesn't even do pleasantries when he's about. He picks up his post and locks his front door until his next mountain adventure.

Being different is what makes life interesting I suppose.

Anniebach, these forums are great for advice, comfort and friendship. I haven't disputed that.

I have been helped by many in various places on the internet over the years and can pass many an hour being entertained too.

Day6, I am quite aware that this forum is great for advice, what I found upsetting was you dismissing the needs of some who have posted here in great distress as an antidote to their woes .

Your opinion , I do not share it

Day6 as you said "I appreciate I am lucky to have family, friends and loved ones, but deep down, I suspect I am a bit of a loner, and happy with my own company. I have no need to join activities, etc."

You explained your point of view well.

Does that sound familiar to anyone else? Yes, others are introverts as well.

I'm quite sociable and like so many others also like my own company at times and don't need to have a full-on agenda for the week ahead.

I can understand those who do. I had a colleague who was long time divorced and brought up her children alone. When they flew the nest, in addition to work she made sure there were activities planned for the weekend. She was prone to depression and said that the worse time was early morning, which surprised me, her thoughts on waking were a gloomy 'oh, what have I got to get up for' and the temptation to wallow.

By planning something for Saturday & Sunday she jumped out of bed to get on with her day. She's now fully-retired and completed an MA and involved in all sorts of activity groups.

'Does that sound familiar to anyone else?' Is the punchline of the OP.

It sounds very familiar to quite a few of us it seems so I think jumping on her because others are not as fortunate is unfair.

Yes, merlotgran, point being, we're all different in our need to be with others. I have almost no need to socalise. The people I love - well understand and leave me to myself quite nicely. Thankfully with no ridiculous debates - as to OP's need to be alone.

I love being by myself. My ideal holiday is going off in the car to wherever. Stopping when I like without having to consult with anyone else, and then having long lonely walks in the countryside.

I put it down to having been an only child of elderly parents so that I was used to being by myself from an early age.

Fortunately my OH is similar, he enjoys his own company as well.

I'm pretty much the same as you so don't worry. We are all different and that what make us human. Enjoy your life and remember it's not a rehearsal.
???

Day6, you sound like a classic introvert (try one of those online tests as a bit of fun) as am I. I really like people and some company but avoid clamour and love my own company. I, too, listen to the radio, read and write and engage with others - but at something of a distance.

Since retiring five years ago I have discovered that while loneliness is a sort of enforced and unwanted isolation, solitude is a five star luxury for introverts. I love it. I spend twelve hours a day on my own and by Thursday am looking forward to a bit of company at the weekend having had three days of pottering, reading, house and garden maintenance, online shennanigans, radio catch-up, ironing to narrative C.D.s and cooking. It is the perfect balance.

Today, my DH started his three day week at work, a step-down after 42 years of full time graft. While I think it is well deserved and I am happy for him I am wondering how it is going to work. I have had five luxurious years of answering to nothing an no one and I am not sure I want the help and looking after the dear, kind man has offered me.

There's nothing I like more than a whole day to myself. I love to read, knit, watch tv, and just potter. I'm not lonely because I have a husband, family and grandchildren. However I have experienced extreme loneliness when we were just married and lived abroad. The only person I knew was my husband and he worked long hours. I spent a lot of time writing letters to everyone at home. So, there's a happy medium. Being alone is fine as long as you have people to talk to when you need them.

I think some need to experience loneliness inishowen, I mean enforced loneliness not being alone by choice

Anniebach why would one who is happy "need" to experiense loneliness, if happily alone?

As gettingonabit says you are an introvert, which for some reason has become a bit of a negative term, but in fact doesnt in any way mean you are anti-social. I identify with everything you say. I can spend hours and days happily occupied on my own, but I still thoroughly enjoy the company of friends and family - just in moderation, with some downtime alone every now and again. I have a long term friend who is a total extrovert and I dont think I have ever visited her without the house being full of visitors, friends or family. She seems to need constant company in a way I just dont. I totally value her friendship but I really couldnt live like that myself.

I was wondering as I read some threads if I am, well, peculiar, or a rare breed

So, LSS, neither!

I really do empathise with you Day6, in every part of your post. I can relate to almost everything you said, and feel that some people are indeed 'non joiners-in', and prefer their own company, whereas others might be ' listeners/watchers; others 'doers', and others a mixture of everything. Iam one of the listeners with an element of a ' none joiner-in', but hey-everyone is that little bit different, aren't we? Good Luck anyway.

Day 6 100% sympathy!

It certainly isn't a matter of right or wrong, just personal inclination and where we each are on the introvert- extrovert scale.

There is so much available to us all now, as online forums like this, and social media sites, have hugely broadened the range of options. There are one or two - or more by now - FB sites for introverts.

But loneliness is still a huge problem for many, isn't it? Each of us needs to find our own way through that very painful place when we come to it. There are no easy answers. Major bereavement (not that bereavement is ever minor!) would certainly contribute.

All the best.

Norah, I like being alone, I respect many do, I have said several times it was the first line of the O/P which was uncalled for, not everyone chooses iosolation but if some need to seek advice to say the antidote to their woes is to find someone to talk to this could be upsetting to posters who unlike Day6 do not have a husband, children etc, and come here because they are in despair , are the Samaritans merely an antidote to woes ?

I might be talking about myself, Day6.
I enjoy my own company and can amuse myself most happily Have also been told that I am' very good value' at a party or in a group. Yes, best of both worlds
health fine if medication used
See grand children occasionally .. they live miles away but Skype fine and I don't miss not baby sitting at all

My husbamd's mantra has always been 'A trouble shared is a trouble doubled'. We are always on our own but not necessarily at all lonely

This is where slaves came in so handy, YES it was abhorrent but someone there to do the boring stuff and speak when spoken to, must have been lush. I would have been very good to mine. We could have taken it in turns to be boss. I did try marriage it did not compare.

I have a range of friends and depending on the problem choose the ones who will support me best. I love solitude and I love people too, although I do find the world a bit PC for my liking.

I need some bad company to help me shrug off my troubles but people now seem so worthy all the time, so full of the latest psycho babble and counselling speak........I am mostly lonely when I am with such types, wondering where all the really good fun went.

I would rather be on my own than stuck with the do gooders, waiting their chance to infiltrate my life with their 'kindness'.

Completely agree anniebach