"We just have to count it as another day done towards the healing", I said once again to DH. "It has been 48 so far", he replied.

U are right, all doctors now have to turn it round so you are asking for specific help, rather than them offering it. Remember, in order to help your husband u have to have help yourself and he needs to understand this. It might help him accept help if he knows it is for you. My husband had strokes a few years ago and it can take a long time to recover. We had a bad car accident last year, hanging upside down, and I was exhausted for weeks after, due to trauma and shock. The older you are the longer it takes. Good luck, and do take all the help you can even if it's just till you improve.

Thank you Janeayessister for that comprehensive check list. We've achieved most of it although we still manage to have too much Stuff in my opinion - but not in his! We're also now in the process of putting our house into a trust. The DC all get on well and it should save a lot of hassle when the time comes if they have immediate control.

Being sorted and having our 'affairs in order' is actually quite liberating.

Synonymous and best wishes for your husband's speedy recovery. I think you've handled things remarkably well as just the shock of an event like that can be fairly overwhelming.

Hi Synonymous, I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it but Age UK do a home from hospital service so it may help to get in touch with them. They do a befriending service too so this could help if someone came to see your husband while you took yourself off for a long soak or whatever to destress a little.

It's a good thing that you are letting out the fear and frustration of it all, otherwise it could result in more illness in the future.

See at your library, if you still have one, for any group where there is support offered for people who have reactions to these sorts of things or even the PTSD helpline. Don't underestimate what you have/are going through. Practical help is good but emotional help is needed too.

I had a good cry last night over the upcoming surgery, it's not easy and needs to be done but it doesn't stop the worry and the fear of the unknown. Practically I am trying to get things in place but even leaving the dog will tear me apart.

Good luck and I wish you both a gentle recovery.

What a horrible time for you. I am so sorry.

Not a substitute for practical help following assessment - but sometimes voluntary agencies such as AGE UK will provide a bit of extra assistance - like a volunteer - perhaps a fellow gardening enthusiast? - to sit with the more ill/disabled person at regular intervals to provide company and to allow the other person an hour or two to get out of the house/go shopping/ get their hair cut etc.
Also, if your DH continues to need 24 hour care for a while you may be entitled at some point to respite.Find out what you can get, get a GP referral, and take what is on offer when you feel able to at regular intervals. Family members can keep in touch/visit when you are away to make sure all is OK.

It is not uncommon - for formerly active and capable older men especially needing care - to be unaware of the burden this places on their other half over a period of time, and to be unwilling to have outside help. They do not mean to be selfish, probably, but the outcome is the same.All this attitude does is to wear out the partner, to the extent that they risk having a breakdown. If this last happens, then the husband has no choice in many cases other than to be looked after by strangers - and probably then not in their own home - for a (possibly indefinite) period of time. This is the last thing they want, and it is much more costly to a health authority than providing short breaks for respite and enabling the carer to keep up morale and cope better.You especially should make sure you do not lose sight of your own needs.

In the authority I worked for prior to retirement, respite could be claimed for up to 16 weeks a year depending on the extent of the need for support.And couples could apply to have breaks together in hotels geared up to deal with disabilities of all kinds.You may not be ready to think about this at the moment, but it helps to have something to look forward to. And don't lose touch with your friends.

Do make an appointment talk to your GP about YOUR feelings and your fears. S/he may have some useful suggestions to make. Good luck.

Thank you all so much for all the kind thoughts and good wishes as well as the many good ideas which I will be investigating.

Ruby how the time flies by, I didn't realise your surgery was due already. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.