I'm all of a dither

Unfriend her immediately. Her response showed she has no understanding of what you are going through and it's just 'me, me, me'.

Do you really need friends like that?

Bella So sorry to hear of all the trials that are besetting you, look after yourself and just ignore that self centred woman. She only has one person on her list of interests and it is her own name that sits there.

When illness strikes or other cares it is amazing to see who actually stays in touch and/or helps and it is often not the ones you expect. Sometimes it seems as if some folk think these unfortunate happenings are contagious and can't get away from you fast enough. Others think if they ignore them they are not there and everything can just go on as it always has.

Life certainly teaches you that there are true friends and there are 'fair weather friends'!

I agre with Luckygirl and all the other sensible posters!

Quite honestly, some people get jealous and think it is 'all about themelves' - and have no empathy or understanding when otare going through a bad time. Has she been any support whatsoever to you during the last couple of years or now? It doesn't sound like it.

You could just leave things be and see if she apologises and says she realises how tough things are at the moment, if not ignore her or 'unfriend' her if you don't want her seeing your FB page any more.

'otare'??
others (tablet has a mind of its own!)

It is always sad to realise that a long friendship has changed without one realising. I too had a friend for over 60 years who when things were difficult in my life was simply not there or in any way caring or supportive. It took a few years to recognise and i have now gradually extricated myself from this friendship. It is always sad of course but people and friendships can and do change. I have distanced myself, it was painful. We still meet very occasionally for a coffee but i No longer see her as a close friend. I dont know what she thinks.t has never been discussed and even if i did say something it would not make a difference now.
A friend should be there in good times and bad and your friend seems to have failed to be a friend over the past few years perhaps it is time to recategorise the relationship. Please dont fret, you have enough going on in your life.

Again, thank you all for your opinions which have helped me realise a few things that I am reluctant to face up to.

When I was a child, I spent a lot of time with this friend and her family. Her parents were wonderful to me, treated me as one of their own, took me on holidays abroad and, as I had lost my father at a young age, her dad became a father figure to me, teaching me to ride a bike, swim etc. in fact my son is named in his honour.

Over the years I have detected a change in my friend's attitude, especially when I became a grandmother. She did send a card last year when my husband died, but that was about it. She seems to be jealous of something, though I can't for the life of me think what she could possibly have to be jealous about. She still has both parents, children, siblings, husband, all alive and well, although she hasn't spoken to her sister for over ten years.

I don't think she has a clue how I have struggled these past few years. She has always known when I have been staying with my sister in Kent but never made any effort to suggest meeting half-way somewhere, unlike my poor friend with the Brain tumour who, even when she wasn't well, came up to London for the day last year when I was here, or my friend from the Isle of Man who came over to Malta for DH's funeral, and so many others who have been so supportive.

Oh dear, I have rambled on a bit. Apologies. Thanks again for your kindness. It means such a lot.

Bella
you write that you noticed a change in her attitude over the years, especially when you became a grandmother. You mention her family but no grandchildren, if that's the case can this be why she has changed towards you. Resentment? Jealousy? Not a good basis for friendship.
Things are obviously very stressful at present, try and make some time for yourself if you can. Best wishes to you. Your sister and your friend.