I'm all of a dither

Bellasnana it seems to me that the last thing you need is the guilt/stress that this "friend" is trying to lay on you!

My advice? Ignore, don't respond. If you are not bothered about keeping in touch with this person, but don't want actually "unfriend" her, then just ignore all posts, she'll either get the message or get over it!

Bellasnana I am so sorry you are having such an emotive visit to see your sister and friend going through such an awful time. The old school friend sounds like just that, not a friend to you now when you need support. Try not to think about her, save yourself for those who need you.

So sorry that you have a sister and dear friend so very unwell. I think that is more than enough for you to be dealing with at present without this rather needy lady trying to lay a guilt trip on you.

In these sort of situations I often ask myself "Who has the problem here?" I am sure it is not you.

I would suggest letting the dust settle and then making some sort of neutral contact with this lady - not commenting on her unpleasantness, but just newsy.

Luckygirl is right. Sounds more like her problem than yours. Sadly you have your hands full enough at present. You can stay technically 'friends' with someone on Facebook but not receive their posts.

Bit of a cheek really.*Bella*. She must know what has happened to you over the last little while.

Ignore her - she doesn't sound like a real friend.

Bellasnana
I think you feel hurt by the lack of understanding and support from your friend at this very difficult time

Please look after yourself,
What is important is the time you can spend with your sister and your sick friend.
Anything else can be sorted out at a later date

. X

Yes, hide all her Facebook posts for now and just don't think about her. She sounds like a very self-centred person and you can do without her negativity right now.

Bellasnana, some people do just seem to enjoy 'taking the huff' (you'll be familiar with the expression!) and it seems that's just what this 'friend' has done. She must be well aware of how your life has been over the last year or so, and should be happy for you that you've been able to spend time with those close to you. That's what you (and your dear sister and poorly school-friend) need just now.
Let it go.

That's no friend Bella, has she been in touch through all your troubles and heartache at losing your husband and family members? No, it doesn't sound as though she has.
I would just unfriend her and not let it upset you anymore. You have family and friends who care about you, you don't need someone being nasty and spiteful.
I'm sure your sister and friend were very happy to see you xx

I was in a similar situation with an old friend who was often visiting her son nearby. When she said she was too busy to see me I took her at her word and eventually we did meet up on one of her trips. Just being in the vicinity doesn't mean you@ve got time for everything. Concentrate on what's important to you at the moment Bellasnana

Bella you have been through enough (far too much really I think).. You have no need of extra grief or worry and certainly do not need to be made to feel bad by this so called friend. I think your response to her was generous and fine and no need for you to worry about it any more. You have done nothing wrong and if she feels the need to take umbridge so be it. ((Huggs galore))

This so-called 'friend' is concerned about no-one but herself. Forget about her - she's not worth your friendship.

Ignore the daft woman.

Oh what lovely, kind grans you are. Thank you all for your advice and understanding. I still feel unhappy about it, but will try to put it behind me now.

Goodnight to you all. I'm so thankful for your support.

I have a friend of over 35 years and usually on my birthday I get a text off her. This year I didn't. So, after a few days I text her to see if everything was ok. She text back asking who it was as she had lost her phone and numbers. I replied that it was a wrong number and decided to leave it from then on. The thing is, she knew my dad had died, knows I am in bad health and that I have moved house but she hasn't text or phoned to see how I am getting on in nearly 2 years. I last saw her for her 50th two years ago but apart from birthday texts or christmas text, I hear nothing. We used to live near them as kids, that's where our friendship started, so I told her to tell others of my dad dying in case they wanted to come to the funeral but no-one did.

Sometimes you do find out who is really there for you and life changes, we all change and our needs change so it doesn't do any harm to drop friends who are being off with us or don't get in touch when they know that the going has got tough. I will talk to my friend if I bump into her in town but I'm not going out of my way any more for anyone who doesn't go out of their way for me. You can try too hard to keep some friendships going or relationships that really are not working anymore.

You are right, rubylady, you certainly do find out who is there for you when the chips are down. Sorry your friend let you down, but you seem to have accepted it and moved on.

I shall have to do the same but it is sad that a friendship, which began when we started school aged 5, should come to an end over something so trivial. We are sixty, for goodness sake, not schoolchildren any more.

My friend was close friends with another from childhood too, and one day woke up to the fact that it was always her that arranged anything, always her that rang, always her that went round ... so one day she decided to leave it and see how long it took the friend to contact her....guess what she never has to this day

I arranged to meet a friend from Primary School that I hadn't seen since we were both 6 years old over 60 years ago. (Through a Fb friend).

We met just before Christmas. She bought me a Christmas present, pictures of when we were children and seemed delighted to meet me after so many years.

She said I must come to lunch one Sunday.

I rang her a few times but there was no reply and I haven't heard from her again.

I know she is OK because I've seen photos of her on Fb.

What was that about?????

Bella I'm sorry your having such a horrible time. I'm in a similar position of having to watch a member of the family deal with a life limiting illness and know how hard it is. I also have a mil who is in a residentional home 200+ miles away . When I visit her I simply don't have the physical and emotional energy to trot all over the county to see anyone else. I too am shocked at the lack of support from some of my closest friends but surprised at the kindness from people I wouldn't have expected to be supportive. I suppose there's a lesson to be learnt but it's upsetting to be dissapointed. It's not you it's them or in your case her. She sounds like the sort who wouldn't even be embarrassed if you explained yourself. In other words selfish and honestly who needs freinds like that! You've got enough on your plate so box up that incident and move it to the back of your mind and concentrate on what's important, mostly though look after yourself while you look after others. Your important too.

Bella you don't need this hassle right now. She is not being a friend to you. Let her go. for you at this difficult time.

Thanks, I'm very grateful for all the advice. I don't feel I owe her an explanation and will just let it go. Must admit I could have done without it just now, but c'est la vie ?

Isn't there a saying, "the past is another country"?

Sometimes when I meet up with someone from ages back, I have found that once we have talked about events and people from that time, we now have nothing in common.

Ignore it Bella she will get over it.Makes me glad not to be on Facebook though.

I only use Facebook to see if my late brother's children are alive and well. Otherwise I think it's a bad thing from hearing how others get upset by it.