I'm all of a dither

Bella
you write that you noticed a change in her attitude over the years, especially when you became a grandmother. You mention her family but no grandchildren, if that's the case can this be why she has changed towards you. Resentment? Jealousy? Not a good basis for friendship.
Things are obviously very stressful at present, try and make some time for yourself if you can. Best wishes to you. Your sister and your friend.

Again, thank you all for your opinions which have helped me realise a few things that I am reluctant to face up to.

When I was a child, I spent a lot of time with this friend and her family. Her parents were wonderful to me, treated me as one of their own, took me on holidays abroad and, as I had lost my father at a young age, her dad became a father figure to me, teaching me to ride a bike, swim etc. in fact my son is named in his honour.

Over the years I have detected a change in my friend's attitude, especially when I became a grandmother. She did send a card last year when my husband died, but that was about it. She seems to be jealous of something, though I can't for the life of me think what she could possibly have to be jealous about. She still has both parents, children, siblings, husband, all alive and well, although she hasn't spoken to her sister for over ten years.

I don't think she has a clue how I have struggled these past few years. She has always known when I have been staying with my sister in Kent but never made any effort to suggest meeting half-way somewhere, unlike my poor friend with the Brain tumour who, even when she wasn't well, came up to London for the day last year when I was here, or my friend from the Isle of Man who came over to Malta for DH's funeral, and so many others who have been so supportive.

Oh dear, I have rambled on a bit. Apologies. Thanks again for your kindness. It means such a lot.

It is always sad to realise that a long friendship has changed without one realising. I too had a friend for over 60 years who when things were difficult in my life was simply not there or in any way caring or supportive. It took a few years to recognise and i have now gradually extricated myself from this friendship. It is always sad of course but people and friendships can and do change. I have distanced myself, it was painful. We still meet very occasionally for a coffee but i No longer see her as a close friend. I dont know what she thinks.t has never been discussed and even if i did say something it would not make a difference now.
A friend should be there in good times and bad and your friend seems to have failed to be a friend over the past few years perhaps it is time to recategorise the relationship. Please dont fret, you have enough going on in your life.

'otare'??
others (tablet has a mind of its own!)

I agre with Luckygirl and all the other sensible posters!

Quite honestly, some people get jealous and think it is 'all about themelves' - and have no empathy or understanding when otare going through a bad time. Has she been any support whatsoever to you during the last couple of years or now? It doesn't sound like it.

You could just leave things be and see if she apologises and says she realises how tough things are at the moment, if not ignore her or 'unfriend' her if you don't want her seeing your FB page any more.

Bella So sorry to hear of all the trials that are besetting you, look after yourself and just ignore that self centred woman. She only has one person on her list of interests and it is her own name that sits there.

When illness strikes or other cares it is amazing to see who actually stays in touch and/or helps and it is often not the ones you expect. Sometimes it seems as if some folk think these unfortunate happenings are contagious and can't get away from you fast enough. Others think if they ignore them they are not there and everything can just go on as it always has.

Life certainly teaches you that there are true friends and there are 'fair weather friends'!

Unfriend her immediately. Her response showed she has no understanding of what you are going through and it's just 'me, me, me'.

Do you really need friends like that?

I only use Facebook to see if my late brother's children are alive and well. Otherwise I think it's a bad thing from hearing how others get upset by it.

Ignore it Bella she will get over it.Makes me glad not to be on Facebook though.

Isn't there a saying, "the past is another country"?

Sometimes when I meet up with someone from ages back, I have found that once we have talked about events and people from that time, we now have nothing in common.

Thanks, I'm very grateful for all the advice. I don't feel I owe her an explanation and will just let it go. Must admit I could have done without it just now, but c'est la vie ?

Bella you don't need this hassle right now. She is not being a friend to you. Let her go. for you at this difficult time.

Bella I'm sorry your having such a horrible time. I'm in a similar position of having to watch a member of the family deal with a life limiting illness and know how hard it is. I also have a mil who is in a residentional home 200+ miles away . When I visit her I simply don't have the physical and emotional energy to trot all over the county to see anyone else. I too am shocked at the lack of support from some of my closest friends but surprised at the kindness from people I wouldn't have expected to be supportive. I suppose there's a lesson to be learnt but it's upsetting to be dissapointed. It's not you it's them or in your case her. She sounds like the sort who wouldn't even be embarrassed if you explained yourself. In other words selfish and honestly who needs freinds like that! You've got enough on your plate so box up that incident and move it to the back of your mind and concentrate on what's important, mostly though look after yourself while you look after others. Your important too.

I arranged to meet a friend from Primary School that I hadn't seen since we were both 6 years old over 60 years ago. (Through a Fb friend).

We met just before Christmas. She bought me a Christmas present, pictures of when we were children and seemed delighted to meet me after so many years.

She said I must come to lunch one Sunday.

I rang her a few times but there was no reply and I haven't heard from her again.

I know she is OK because I've seen photos of her on Fb.

What was that about?????

My friend was close friends with another from childhood too, and one day woke up to the fact that it was always her that arranged anything, always her that rang, always her that went round ... so one day she decided to leave it and see how long it took the friend to contact her....guess what she never has to this day

You are right, rubylady, you certainly do find out who is there for you when the chips are down. Sorry your friend let you down, but you seem to have accepted it and moved on.

I shall have to do the same but it is sad that a friendship, which began when we started school aged 5, should come to an end over something so trivial. We are sixty, for goodness sake, not schoolchildren any more.

I have a friend of over 35 years and usually on my birthday I get a text off her. This year I didn't. So, after a few days I text her to see if everything was ok. She text back asking who it was as she had lost her phone and numbers. I replied that it was a wrong number and decided to leave it from then on. The thing is, she knew my dad had died, knows I am in bad health and that I have moved house but she hasn't text or phoned to see how I am getting on in nearly 2 years. I last saw her for her 50th two years ago but apart from birthday texts or christmas text, I hear nothing. We used to live near them as kids, that's where our friendship started, so I told her to tell others of my dad dying in case they wanted to come to the funeral but no-one did.

Sometimes you do find out who is really there for you and life changes, we all change and our needs change so it doesn't do any harm to drop friends who are being off with us or don't get in touch when they know that the going has got tough. I will talk to my friend if I bump into her in town but I'm not going out of my way any more for anyone who doesn't go out of their way for me. You can try too hard to keep some friendships going or relationships that really are not working anymore.

Oh what lovely, kind grans you are. Thank you all for your advice and understanding. I still feel unhappy about it, but will try to put it behind me now.

Goodnight to you all. I'm so thankful for your support.

Ignore the daft woman.

This so-called 'friend' is concerned about no-one but herself. Forget about her - she's not worth your friendship.

Bella you have been through enough (far too much really I think).. You have no need of extra grief or worry and certainly do not need to be made to feel bad by this so called friend. I think your response to her was generous and fine and no need for you to worry about it any more. You have done nothing wrong and if she feels the need to take umbridge so be it. ((Huggs galore))

I was in a similar situation with an old friend who was often visiting her son nearby. When she said she was too busy to see me I took her at her word and eventually we did meet up on one of her trips. Just being in the vicinity doesn't mean you@ve got time for everything. Concentrate on what's important to you at the moment Bellasnana

That's no friend Bella, has she been in touch through all your troubles and heartache at losing your husband and family members? No, it doesn't sound as though she has.
I would just unfriend her and not let it upset you anymore. You have family and friends who care about you, you don't need someone being nasty and spiteful.
I'm sure your sister and friend were very happy to see you xx

Bellasnana, some people do just seem to enjoy 'taking the huff' (you'll be familiar with the expression!) and it seems that's just what this 'friend' has done. She must be well aware of how your life has been over the last year or so, and should be happy for you that you've been able to spend time with those close to you. That's what you (and your dear sister and poorly school-friend) need just now.
Let it go.

Yes, hide all her Facebook posts for now and just don't think about her. She sounds like a very self-centred person and you can do without her negativity right now.