Grown up grandchildren

My oldest DGD is just 16 and I felt she had been growing away from us for a while. It turns out she has been hiding severe depression and anxiety for a long time. Exams brought it to a head and she is now in a secure psychiatric unit doing the GCSEs after shockingly threatening to do the worst. We are so concerned for her and guilty that we had no idea what she was going through - just thought it was teenage moodiness. Her parents were worried but hoped the same. Don't know what we could all have done differently though.

Eldest GS is nearly 12 & has to come here with younger siblings when parents working in school holidays. He is Ok with it at the moment although I know he likes to go out with friends at weekends at home. I think I have always accepted that we will only have them for a very short part of their lives & so make the most of it. The other 5 DGC are still young enough for staying with Grandma to be a treat.We do give the eldest 'privileges' The younger ones don't get yet & he is a really nice boy.
They all come to stay a lot to be honest & friends think we are mad to have them so often but they will not be young forever & I want them to remember that it was always fun at Grandma's.
I accept that soon they will not want to come & stay & I will be very sad but it is inevitable & hopefully we are building memories for them & ourselves.
I hope they will come & visit us when they are older but it is their lives & they have to live it their way.I will always be delighted to see them & not take them to task for not coming more often.
I saw my Grandma every day when I was young & she came to dinner most Sundays when I was married & had my own home. My memories of her are wonderful so I'm trying to copy her example.
Just enjoy every moment while you have the chance.

Muswellblue so sorry to read about your granddaughter, but at least now she is hopefully getting the help that she needs to get better. Don't blame yourself for not spotting the signs, because there probably were none, teenagers are notoriously moody and her begphaviour sounds no different from thousands of others. Mental ill health is a terrible thing, often sidelined and not seen as important as physical health but Now it's out in the open you can support her and her parents. Sending my good wishes for the future.

Oh yes muswelblue-hang on in there?

I have 3 grand daughters ranging in age from 8 to 12 and until recently would make the journey from Cornwall to Brighton to see them every 3 weeks. But I have found that as they get older it gets more difficult to see them as they seem to have so many other things they are doing. When I do see them we have a lovely time but I realise that Granny and Grandpa don't play such a big part in their lives anymore. But there are other ways of keeping in touch with them - we may not see them as often as before but they what's app us occasionally or message us on our mobile phones. I feel really blessed that I have this contact with my grand children. I certainly didn't have this relationship with my grandparents. They were of the era where children should be seen but not heard! Make the most of them while they are young.

Looking back I think my two spent quite a lot of time with my mother. I think she preferred them as teenagers as she wasn't all that keen on children and we all did quite a lot together. DD spent a year living with her other grandparents when she was at university and they seemed to get on very well.

Being realistic I suppose I shall be lucky to still be around when my grandchildren are teenagers, so I may never know how well we would have got on.

My husband and I lived in the same town as son and three grandchildren and were very close until we had to move 150 miles away when they 10, 8, and 5. Then we were abroad for twelve years and only saw them once a year. When my husband died 30 years ago and I came back toUK I rarely saw them. Now the eldest is 48 and I don't even get a Xmas card although I am in touch with his 18 year old daughter via Facebook. The second GS Who is single living inLondon I also converse with on Facebook. My GD who has three children lives near my son still 150 miles away I am in touch with frequently on FaceTime but now I cannot travel I don't physically see them.
I last saw them all on my 90th birthday three years ago.

Unfortunately, I think this is normal - that's why I'm making the most of them now.

I'm glad it's not just me who has an achy heart at times about this. Our oldest grandaughter is now approaching 14 and isn't always the most responsive youngster, we moved and so did they so we're a distance away now which doesn't help. Despite having been very involved with her when she was little I have to work very hard, sometimes with little reward, to keep something going with her now. I'm guessing it would be even harder if we hadn't had a close bond to start with. All the others are growing up fast too and even the littlest is now 7, fortunately she's still a keen cuddler and she and her sister live closest to us which hopefully will help as they get older. I never knew my grandparents and my parents and in laws died before my children had really developed independent relationships with them. I don't feel like I have a yardstick for this and have a feeling I'm not going to like it much but am planning on doing my level best to maintain good relationships with them all however I can and for as long as I can by text. what's app and anything else that works! All tips welcome

Bijou it is sad you aRe so far away from your family, but would like to say how excellent that you are in touch online with adult great grandchildren. I know many people decades younger than you who are unable to cope with technology. Good for you. Because most children have their own children so much later I will be most unlikely to see my small grandchildren grow into maturity, get married and have their own children, great grandchildren. Would so love to have the opportunity though. Hope yours come to see you soon. Best wishes.

It's hard isn't it, the letting go. We know we must, but it tugs at the heart strings. My middle grandchild was completely devoted to me. If the telephone rang he rush to answer it and say ' I'm not coming home' he's 15 now. He visited me recently and we spent a short time together because he wanted to spend time with an uncle on the other side of town. It's a good I'm well practiced at pretending I don't mind. He loves me but what 15 year old wants to be seen with his Nanna. I'm lucky there was a gap between my first and second lot of grandchildren so I still have three under the age of 7 who adore all their grandparents. This September the youngest and probably the last is going to school. I worked it out and between my own children and this last grandchild I've had a child with me every Friday for 40 years. Phew I'm sorta glad that's over. There'll still be the weekends with the three little ones and school holidays but Friday's to myself bliss