Grown up grandchildren

It's hard isn't it, the letting go. We know we must, but it tugs at the heart strings. My middle grandchild was completely devoted to me. If the telephone rang he rush to answer it and say ' I'm not coming home' he's 15 now. He visited me recently and we spent a short time together because he wanted to spend time with an uncle on the other side of town. It's a good I'm well practiced at pretending I don't mind. He loves me but what 15 year old wants to be seen with his Nanna. I'm lucky there was a gap between my first and second lot of grandchildren so I still have three under the age of 7 who adore all their grandparents. This September the youngest and probably the last is going to school. I worked it out and between my own children and this last grandchild I've had a child with me every Friday for 40 years. Phew I'm sorta glad that's over. There'll still be the weekends with the three little ones and school holidays but Friday's to myself bliss

Bijou it is sad you aRe so far away from your family, but would like to say how excellent that you are in touch online with adult great grandchildren. I know many people decades younger than you who are unable to cope with technology. Good for you. Because most children have their own children so much later I will be most unlikely to see my small grandchildren grow into maturity, get married and have their own children, great grandchildren. Would so love to have the opportunity though. Hope yours come to see you soon. Best wishes.

I'm glad it's not just me who has an achy heart at times about this. Our oldest grandaughter is now approaching 14 and isn't always the most responsive youngster, we moved and so did they so we're a distance away now which doesn't help. Despite having been very involved with her when she was little I have to work very hard, sometimes with little reward, to keep something going with her now. I'm guessing it would be even harder if we hadn't had a close bond to start with. All the others are growing up fast too and even the littlest is now 7, fortunately she's still a keen cuddler and she and her sister live closest to us which hopefully will help as they get older. I never knew my grandparents and my parents and in laws died before my children had really developed independent relationships with them. I don't feel like I have a yardstick for this and have a feeling I'm not going to like it much but am planning on doing my level best to maintain good relationships with them all however I can and for as long as I can by text. what's app and anything else that works! All tips welcome

Unfortunately, I think this is normal - that's why I'm making the most of them now.

My husband and I lived in the same town as son and three grandchildren and were very close until we had to move 150 miles away when they 10, 8, and 5. Then we were abroad for twelve years and only saw them once a year. When my husband died 30 years ago and I came back toUK I rarely saw them. Now the eldest is 48 and I don't even get a Xmas card although I am in touch with his 18 year old daughter via Facebook. The second GS Who is single living inLondon I also converse with on Facebook. My GD who has three children lives near my son still 150 miles away I am in touch with frequently on FaceTime but now I cannot travel I don't physically see them.
I last saw them all on my 90th birthday three years ago.

Looking back I think my two spent quite a lot of time with my mother. I think she preferred them as teenagers as she wasn't all that keen on children and we all did quite a lot together. DD spent a year living with her other grandparents when she was at university and they seemed to get on very well.

Being realistic I suppose I shall be lucky to still be around when my grandchildren are teenagers, so I may never know how well we would have got on.

I have 3 grand daughters ranging in age from 8 to 12 and until recently would make the journey from Cornwall to Brighton to see them every 3 weeks. But I have found that as they get older it gets more difficult to see them as they seem to have so many other things they are doing. When I do see them we have a lovely time but I realise that Granny and Grandpa don't play such a big part in their lives anymore. But there are other ways of keeping in touch with them - we may not see them as often as before but they what's app us occasionally or message us on our mobile phones. I feel really blessed that I have this contact with my grand children. I certainly didn't have this relationship with my grandparents. They were of the era where children should be seen but not heard! Make the most of them while they are young.

Oh yes muswelblue-hang on in there?

Muswellblue so sorry to read about your granddaughter, but at least now she is hopefully getting the help that she needs to get better. Don't blame yourself for not spotting the signs, because there probably were none, teenagers are notoriously moody and her begphaviour sounds no different from thousands of others. Mental ill health is a terrible thing, often sidelined and not seen as important as physical health but Now it's out in the open you can support her and her parents. Sending my good wishes for the future.

Eldest GS is nearly 12 & has to come here with younger siblings when parents working in school holidays. He is Ok with it at the moment although I know he likes to go out with friends at weekends at home. I think I have always accepted that we will only have them for a very short part of their lives & so make the most of it. The other 5 DGC are still young enough for staying with Grandma to be a treat.We do give the eldest 'privileges' The younger ones don't get yet & he is a really nice boy.
They all come to stay a lot to be honest & friends think we are mad to have them so often but they will not be young forever & I want them to remember that it was always fun at Grandma's.
I accept that soon they will not want to come & stay & I will be very sad but it is inevitable & hopefully we are building memories for them & ourselves.
I hope they will come & visit us when they are older but it is their lives & they have to live it their way.I will always be delighted to see them & not take them to task for not coming more often.
I saw my Grandma every day when I was young & she came to dinner most Sundays when I was married & had my own home. My memories of her are wonderful so I'm trying to copy her example.
Just enjoy every moment while you have the chance.

My oldest DGD is just 16 and I felt she had been growing away from us for a while. It turns out she has been hiding severe depression and anxiety for a long time. Exams brought it to a head and she is now in a secure psychiatric unit doing the GCSEs after shockingly threatening to do the worst. We are so concerned for her and guilty that we had no idea what she was going through - just thought it was teenage moodiness. Her parents were worried but hoped the same. Don't know what we could all have done differently though.

I had one of my grandaughters every weekend from a baby to when she was about fourteen, i had a chalet in kent at the time and thats where we spent most weekends and during the school holidays, then she started going with her friends on trips and whatever else they do at that age lol. But she always comes and sees me, she is now in her late 20s and i have also looked after her little girl when she was a baby and mum went to work, little girl is now eight and always brings me flowers when she comes with her mum to see me.

Yes, it's common for teenagers to drop out of visits to grandparents. Some of ours are now in their early 20's and keep better contact now than they have since they were about 16 or 17. I know not everyone likes Facebook and I understand why. It is though an easy way to keep in touch with grandchildren as they grow up and find their own lives.

Welcome! I know the heartache you mention, inevitable although it so often is.
I'm in Brum, we've had a couple of small meet ups so hope you'll be able to join us next time.

Hello I've just joined and was navigating the site when I saw this link Grownup GC -
I've been nursing a heartache for awhile as I'm no longer needed to look after GDs aged 12 and 16yrs. I didn't see the signs - so wasn't prepared when I got the msg "Girls won't be coming next school break". All the links I've read have helped me (Elrel, tanith, merlotgran) I needed this reality check - where has my head been?
I'm determined to enjoy my retirement; I've been a cricket widow for over 25yrs so I'm used to organising my own activity on weekends. Ive just ret. from my first solo holiday abroad (HB doesn't like flying) my only regret is Ive waited so long before plucking the courage to do it. Will def. use the same travel company for next hol. Meanwhile I'm hoping to widen my social life hence my joining Gransnet! I'm local to Coventry, I drive and regularly travel by train/coach so I'm looking forward to meeting ladies. I think I've said enough for now!

We must be very lucky as I see my 5 grandchildren aged between 25 and 15 quite regularly. 3 live 1 hour away in the countryside and as we live quite near the city centre they stay over when having nights out. It's lovely sitting around having breakfast with them and their friends next morning. We also get invited there for the weekend at least once a month. The other 2 GC live 4 hours away so we don't meet up as often. However, 1 GD, 18, loves visiting us and comes every year on her own for a week and they have both done this since they were very young. The 25 year old is now busy with work as he works weekends but comes on special occasions. We visit them about 3 times a year and they all come here 2 or 3 times a year for weekends. The whole family met up recently for our 50th wedding anniversary - I am blessed.

Our granddaughter is 16 and we still see a lot of her. Obviously we don't see as much of her as we did when she was smaller as she now goes out with friends at weekends, whereas her mum and dad used to bring her here most weekends and we would babysit a lot and she would stay over. I am happy to say that she is always pleased to see us and always flings her arms around us when we see her

I love our relationship with our grown up grandchildren. The eldest one is nearly twenty and at uni. He came up to see us for the early May bank holiday because it was his cousin's eighteenth and as he lives next door with his fifteen year old brother we spent quite a bit of time with them all.

Last weekend we had another houseful with ages ranging from 11 to 18. New girlfriend tagged along as well - shame because I really liked the old one but that's life.

They know they are always welcome. We don't breathe down their necks and there's plenty of room for them, their girl/boyfriends AND their cars!!

No neighbours to complain about the loud music either

Interesting what you say Tanith about them wanting to create with partners what they did as children - mine are the same - wanting to show them the supermarkets and take a gabarre trip along the Dordogne - shows what they really enjoyed. The last time they came together with DGS girlfriend I ended up in hospital for two nights - the girls knew what was in my fridge and just took it in turns to cook meals for them all. But I gathered DH also took them out to a few nice places too.!

I have always realised that as our teenage children stopped being with us in the evenings and either had friends round or went to them, it would repeat with the GC.
One would hope that they would come back.....
My parents died when our daughters were younger, but I treasure a pic of our son (19) totally engrossed talking to my Dad, far too engrossed to stop and look at the camera! He had a close school friend with him as it was a family party, but clearly had chosen to sit n talk to Grandad, who died unexpectedly 5 months later!

We've just got back from a couple of hours and a catch up with our eldest Grandson and his wife he is 26 and always pops in to see us or text us to see if all is well. He often messages us to come over for lunch at a weekend.
We have 8 grandchildren all over 18 apart from the 2 youngest as others have said contact dropped off in later teens but they came back in their 20's in fact 10 of us are going on a caravan holiday in July they want to recreate the holidays we had when they were small and share with their partners most of whom have never caravanned before they are so excited that we are all going together.
Don't wait for them to contact you just a short message or phone call with an invite to lunch or just a 'can we pop in for a cuppa' will work I'm sure, its a shame to lose that bond and as we are the retired/older person maybe up to us to make more of the effort when they have such busy lives..

My grandparents were an integral part of our lives as children so I never stopped seeing them, even once I had joined the army, I often came back and spent my leave with them instead of going home.

Our 4 grandchildren (9,6,4,2) all see us regularly and seem happy to do so, even keeping a running check on who is getting a sleepover and who has the next turn. But we have noticed now that if we're all together after a while the 9 year old ( only girl) asks for an iPad and goes off to lay on our bed with a drink and a snack ! The little ones aren't allowed in so its a big treat.

When we're one to one she stays with us and chats and we do things suited to her age and interests so I suppose when we have to do things all 4 can do it's less interesting for her.

I do think it's normal for visits to drop off between about 14-18 and then hopefully pick up again under their own steam.

22 year old DGD coming over less and less, has open invitation for meal as well as specific dates when her DF and siblings are here. Inevitable I guess. Still close when we are together.
16 year old almost silent and doesn't stay long, sleeps a lot; exam shock I think, an unpleasant reality check. From 5 to a year or so ago I had her almost every weekend and school holidays, took her away, shared so much. I admit to have sometimes felt put upon as my interests went on a back burner. Miss her so much now, or am I missing a little girl who no longer exists? I'm still there for the more complicated adolescent she now is, of course.
Nothing stays the same, does it? I'm lucky to have two 'bonus' unexpected small GC and only wish I had more energy for them. Seize the day!

Seems a double dose of empty nest syndrome

DDs children are now 23 and 25 - I too looked after them when they were at school in holidays and they often came to stay with us when we spent our summers in France - one parent brought them and the other came a few weeks later to collect them. There was a very short time when we saw a bit less of them but now I am in contact with them weekly. When we get off the ferry I send out a text message to several of the family including them. Last trip I had an immediate reply from DGD - whoo hoo - will be over in the morning to take you out for Breakfast in Marks!!! And she was there and then had arranged to take me to see her brother and they took me out to lunch. We saw them a lot while we were in UK with both of them inviting us to their homes to have a meal they cooked for us. I think I am just so so lucky - DD is visiting me in a few weeks and DGD decided she would come too as it was a long time since the three of us had any girl time together! Luckily OH doesn't mind all this.
DS and his family are in USA so when they visit or we visit them we have concentrated time together but when we do the visiting we are fitting in round the band practise, karate etcetc.!!
I keep in touch with them all via Facebook or Viber - works well for us.