Will I ever become a grandma?

You have my sympathy Waiting, I know what you are feeling, but asking about their intentions is the way madness lies, IMHO

You must never ask!
I can understand how you feel but being a Grandparent is much more than just an accident of birth i.e. one's child becoming a parent. Its all about the relationship you have and asking any young couple what their plans are regarding having a family is just not on on so many levels. They may be trying, they may have differences about it between themselves, they may fully appreciate that you are waiting and do not want to disappoint. The list is endless but please do not ever raise the subject. If however, they stalk about it you are perfectly entitled to take a deep breath and ask appropriate questions very tactfully. It is after all their lives, their relationships and their choices.

Assume they won't have any then if they do it will be a lovely surprise!

Which is exactly what happened to me! But in the meantime, be the very model of stoicism, and don't ever ask.

If they intend never to have children they would probably say so.They have not been married long yet by today's standards and lots of people wait for a variety of reasons.

Frustrating for you, I can see. Mothers seem to leave it later and later, so do not assume that there will never be any. I do think however that you need to plan for none and enjoy life as it is, then have a lovely surprise if it does happen.

My eldest DS's wife had several miscarriages. They went through a terrible time and didn't tell anyone about it. I wish I could have supported them more. Now their first child is coming up to 2 yrs, we are back in the same position again - will keep our mouths firmly shut and our questions to ourselves.

How did we feel about mothers and in-laws asking us when we were in that position?

Whether you're trying or waiting or are definitely not going to have children, I don't think anyone wants to be badgered.

So, even if you are very close, this subject - as everyone has said - is, unfortunately, taboo.

Hello waiting gran. I can fully understand how you feel but, if you ever get the urge to discuss the matter with them, please just lock yourself in the loo and wait for it to pass.

You are their mm. Why can't you just ask? Why would you expect aggression? Obviously you would do it in a kindly and tactful way. Where's the problem?

I don't understand this avoidance of openness in families. Why? It's just human feelings. Nothing awful.

There's a difference between being open, and being perceived by one's DCs as prying into their affairs, jingl.
No doubt you are a model of tact and diplomacy, but perhaps the rest of us feel we should bear in mind 'fools rush in, where angels fear to tread'

I think, and it's just my opinion, that it's an easier subject to bring up with daughters than DiL.

I only have daughters , so I could be wrong.

( and I'm sure if I am someone will let me know

Actually, my mother-in-law did ask me if her son and I wanted kids. I didn't mind at all but I was only in my twenties and, being an only child herself, she also asked me to please not only have one. I didn't mind that either.

So, although I agree that in general it's better to say nothing, I don't agree that the subject is completely taboo. I reckon it depends on the relationship.

I'd say to the son who has been married three years that you would love to know if his brother and wife intend to have children, but are not sure if it's appropriate to ask - what does he think?

I wouldn't say a word. It is a strange situation really, as their decision about whether or not to have children will have such an impact on your life, but it is totally their own business. You know your own children and if you have the slightest suspicion that they would find your questions intrusive, I would say nothing, as there may be good reasons why they choose not to talk about it.

We had difficulty conceiving our first child and had fertility treatment, which was still in its infancy in those days. We kept our problems to ourselves and didn't tell our parents. It was stressful enough the two of us waiting to see if I started a period every month without having four other people involved - it would have been too much pressure. It took its toll on us emotionally, and also financially, as fertility treatment was not available on the NHS then and we had pay for private treatment in Harley Street which we could barely afford. So I was not very happy when my DM (who had two GC from my younger sibling who all lived in Switzerland) told me she thought we were being very selfish in remaining childless as she and my DF wanted more grandchildren. I did forgive her ....... eventually!

I wouldn't be asking either! DD tried for 2+ years before getting pregnant but unless she brought up the subject I didn't pry ask. She had some preliminary blood tests which were normal but was planning more intervention during her summer break until she happily became pregnant.
Now, DGD is almost 2.5 and I assume they are trying for another baby, but again I keep Schtum!

I wouldn't ask. It is not really any of our business, IMO. Much better if a GC does come along and you have the joy of surprise.

As a young married it never occurred to me that my parents and in-laws might be wondering if I was going to produce a grandchild. I would have been horrified if any of them had asked me about it.
Value your family for who they are and if any grandchildren arrive, so much the better.

I think it really does depend on how close you are to them. In my family we have always been very open about asking, and my parents were always diplomatic on such matters, but did ask our plans. My eldest is now 24 (still very young) but has always said she does not want kids. I tend to think she may never have kids, but who knows? She is happy to talk about her feelings, but then we have always been close.
I do think there is a difference between asking once and tactfully, rather than asking and badgering repeatedly. I put myself in your DC shoes and I wouldn't mind if my mother asked me, once.

My three daughters stated firmly that they were not intending to have children, but all intended to be favourite aunts, but then they saw the flaw in the plans.
We reached sixty with no grandchildren, and at seventy had nine!
I think my point is that they may not know themselves.

As I never had any particular desire to be a granny I never asked, but I don't suppose they would have minded if I had. I adore my grandson by the way.

It is a awful situation as I bet the Mother of the DIL knows all about the ongoing situation. I would have said I was extremely close to my son and I like my DIL. However, I didn't know that they had been trying since their marriage to become pregnant. I never asked.
So we were in the dark for approximately 18 months. Eventually my son told me that they were trying IVF. He said that his wife didn't want anyone to know ! So we were regarded as ' anyone ' That hurt. My son had noone to talk to but my DIL talked to her sister and Mother and friends. Mmmmm
I gave them £5000 immediately and I have been kept in the loop ever since.
I have never asked about it as it is my DIl who has the problem.
I am so glad that I have a daughter with children, who are the light of our lives. I feel sorry for those who only have sons. You are often 'anyone' to the DILs.

I don't know if it helps, but I had resigned myself to never being a grandmother as my daughter hadn't even got a partner at the age of 37, but a year later she gave birth to DGS - and I was lucky enough to be present for it!
Don't think she'll have any more though, as the relationship broke down before the boy was a year old, but he's enough for me!

I never expected to be a granny. My son is not married and my daughter had a partner but was very career-orientated. I never felt it was appropriate for me to ask if she planned to have a family but she surprised me the year before last by announcing her pregnancy. I had practically given up hope and was quite anxious during the build up to the birth as she was a more 'mature' mother. However, I now have a delightful grandson with whom I have a wonderful relationship. Don't give up hope! x