Will I ever become a grandma?

I suppose it must be different with boys but I know both my DDs want children.Indeed DD1 broke off a three year relationship last year as the man in question changed his mind on the matter .
Neither is married or in a serious relationship and I sometimes despair of having grandchildren but I wouldn't ask intrusive questions .I think they would tell me if they were having trouble conceiving though and I would encourage the in-laws to be told
One of DD1 friends is saving for IVF Neither set of parents knows-they are both very well off .I find it extraordinary that they do not share the fact It would be a first grandchild on both sides and I'm sure they would be more than happy to fund it

I also had no grandchildren at 60 but now at72 have 6! My DiL had severAl miscarriages and eventually had a baby at 39, and another at 42!

You care about them, so ask. The worst they can say is no.

I wouldnt Ask unless the subject comes up. If they are trying it can be very upsetting.

I you as their mother feel you can't ask them and that is your gut feeling then I wouldn't ask. They will be under pressure I'm sure from friends with babies and sooner or later they will start planning.
My SIL said from the beginning that there would be no children and those who want to be childless are often open about it.

It's a tricky situation. I know my son will never marry or have a child but I am reconciled to that except that I am sad for him that he will not have a loving relationship with a partner. My daughter wants children and is living with a lovely BF. At nearly 25 she is still young but does not know if the dear BF will propose and she would not think of having children outside marriage. Also, their getting a kitten recently has made them both realise how much more responsibility children would be when they are both pursuing demanding careers. I long for a wedding and grandchildren but in this strange modern world I might well be waiting a long time and will have to find other consolations.

Lily flower . Kittens worked for me. Never being particularly maternal gEtting a kitten helped me decide many years ago that perhaps a baby would be OK. Yes id aft I know. So when I became pregnant at 27 after 7 years marriage I was registered as an old mother because being over 25 was regarded as old. My daughters best friend has just had her first child at 40 , so nil desperandum. It's never too late, and these days babies are being born healthy and happy into the late thirties and beyond. Trouble is we grandparents get older and it gets harder ,to run around after them when we do the inevitable childminding duties.

I would imagine that it would be easier to talk to daughters about planning babies than to sons but I think it all depends on your relationship with your children. Only one of my children has children of their own.
My youngest daughter has had medical problems which may well mean that she can't have her own babies, but we have always had a very open relationship and talk about everything from IVF to surrogacy and adoption.
I don't have the same relationship with my boys or my other daughter. I'm close to my DIL but know that her relationship will always be closer with her mother and would never have talked to her about this.
When we married in the 70's it was normal for people to ask you when you were planning to have children, not whether you were, and personally I'm pleased that people are now free to be open about choosing to remain childless. It must be very difficult to tell parents and parents-in-law that there will be no grandchildren so I can quite see why people choose not to say anything, if only to avoid family pressure. I do find it hard to understand why people are secretive about problems conceiving or carrying babies to term though.

Be careful what you wish for! I wanted to be a gran. I am a gran. I have no contact whatsoever with my grandchildren. It doesn't always necessarily work out. Let the couples involved make their own decisions.

DD always maintained she would never have children and she hasn't, she has been married 24 years and is happy with her career and I am happy that she is happy. When DS married I did not expect GC as they were both in good jobs but after three years they announced the pregnancy and four years later GD announced that she was going to be a big sister. That took the wind out of their sails and they had to admit it was true and showed us the scan picture, having lost the previous baby DIL had hoped to keep it a secret a little longer

WaitingGran you are a wife, mum and a mum in law which is far more than some others have so just concentrate on being the best in what you are. You are not a gran so you can't lose what you haven't had. You do have hope so just keep that to yourself, tucked away quietly. If they told you that you would never be a gran then you would have grief and that is something you would find difficult to show and would be compelled to hide. Better to live in hope!

PS Keep quiet!

People change their minds anyway. Neither my husband or I wanted kids when we got married but suddenly we did, we had two and wanted more but it didn't happen. Never regretted it ( well not very often, haha). Good luck X

My daughter was single until her mid 40s,and always said she didn't want children Then she met a lovely man fell in love and married him.They tried for a baby but no luck and DD is to old now. She is sad and I am sad for her.

I don't know why anyone finds it hard to understand why young couples don't always want to discuss fertility problems with their parents or parents in law.
The intimate part of a relationship is just that, intimate. Trying for a baby, that awful phrase, involves something much more personal than trying to get a new job or trying to get on the housing ladder. And if for some reason they're not having any success, the last thing they need is parents or in laws asking if there's 'any news yet' or if someone's feeling a bit off colour suggesting that there might be a happy announcement to follow..
Believe me I know I've been there. ..
We don't have any right to be grandparents and we certainly don't have any right to pry into the private lives of our children's relationships. I don't suppose we'd take it kindly if they asked us whether we still have a sex life at our age or if we have any difficulties!!

I have three good friends who are all waiting to become grandmothers and each one reacts differently. One is helping her DD through infertility treatment and although they have been unlucky so far, everyone remains very upbeat and positive. Another friend has no idea whether her DiL wants children and wouldn't dare ask. The last friend's daughter is in a relatioship with another woman but still tells her DM she wants children and her DM supports her and they talk about the practicalities. Thinking about it, it is the one in the middle doesn't know what is going on who finds it hardest to cope, so somehow I think I would find a way to open a conversation on the subject to stop beating yourself up and living in limbo.

Depends on how open family is I talked openly with son and daughter and partners so knew they both wanted them but didn't keep asking them they both knew they all knew they could discuss things if they wanted and did we have 4gcs now we are very lucky ??

Replying to the poster who feels sorry for mothers of sons who have children. My son has a child and my daughter is unlikely to have children. I get on extremely well with my daughter in law and she gets on better with me than her own mother, according to her, not me!

Perhaps the time to have asked whether they had thought of offspring was before they got married/moved in together.

I have three children [compared with 1 each for my sisters], but when I suffered two miscarriages, my mother accused me of having no moral fibre - SHE hadn't had miscarriages, so how could I! I was appalled and our relationship was never the same after that...

I probably wouldn't bring it up with my d-I-l, but certainly with my son.

ja I would just say to son, when dil wasn't present, "are you gonna have any kids then?" There would be no "tact or diplomacy" involved.

(That was to Janeainsworth btw. But anyone can read it. )

Don't feel sorry for us mothers of sons. I have a great relationship with DS and DIL and they are the parents of my only GC. A good relationship is vital with DIL, I have always told her how much she is loved and I cherish her as if I had given birth to her

I became a granny unexpectedly when DS1's then girlfriend became pregnant. What could I do but take the situation in my stride even when their relationship broke down? That GD is now 24 and very dear to me. DS married a wonderful woman who juggles family and career brilliantly and gave me two more lovely GC. The other DS and his partner never spoke of their intentions, but reading between the lines I knew that they really wanted to have children, and they produced two GSs for me. I never asked the question but have a good relationship with all of them and was sure that they would raise it if there were problems. I regard the DiLs as the daughters I never had and love them dearly but I would have been mightily offended if my mother or MiL had asked me my intentions, so would never, ever, intrude on me DCs' private lives.

Actually, thinking about it, sometimes you can have TMI. One of my DSs informed me that he had had 'the snip'. I'm not sure I really wanted to know that.

Maybe they really aren't sure, and even if they think they know they may change their minds. At 29 I'd been married 5 years and thought I didn't want children DS1 was born when I was 31 and DS2 and 3 followed. Point is, if you ask and are told "No chance" you may be unnecessarily upset, best keep quiet. You could try planning something like a long holiday or moving house. Amazing how many times such plans are abandoned because a baby interrupts things!