Leaving children on their own - did you ever?

This has brought back a flood of memories - as a single mother in SA in the 1950s, my own mother would leave the 3 of us, in our "Sunday best" lined up outside the department store where she would go in to do her shopping. We would always have a "treat", a lolly or similar, and we never felt afraid, or threatened in any way. I have no idea how long we would be there, but I do remember sometimes sitting down against the window. We were not on the street, the department stores had display cases and windows that led to the off-street entrance. Our ages would have been 5, 6 and 7. We would never have dreamt of causing my mother any problems, we understood that we had to behave, and we did.

We were "latchkey kids" - going home alone after school from the age of about 12. Before that, we would be taken, in the "school taxi" to my gran's house every afternoon. By the way, the "school taxi driver" was later charged and found guilty of molesting children. He never tried anything with us, perhaps because there were 3 of us.

As a further aside, from about 10 years of age I would be sent to the grocer shop with a list, money - and a budget! Very good training.

It was also my job to clean the lounge on Saturday mornings. I loved it because my mother would give me carte blanche with how things were displayed, so I often had my brother help me and we'd rearrange all the furniture

Perhaps because of my own experiences, I left my own children unsupervised at times as young teenagers (never overnight). They were pretty responsible so I never fretted about them. However the arm (frame) of our sofa was mysteriously broken, and years later, my daughter confessed they had been doing somersaults on to the couch when it happened. My son was a strapping teenager.

I know I was left - youngest of 5, with oldest brother less than six years my senior in charge, even when he was about 11/12. This didn't happen often, or for long periods, but we got up to mischief!
A memorable 'game' - when I became quite distressed - was when my eldest brothers had a teddy throwing competition - up the stairs and straight into the toilet which was opposite at the top. I was terrified my beloved teddy was going to be lost down the loo! I could only have been 5 or 6.
BUT -a very different climate then (1960s). We played out for long hours and were always in and out of neighbours houses.
I did manage to leave my first child parked in a wide shop doorway when she was just 3 weeks old. The shop itself was long and narrow and didn't have room for a pram. I just managed to walk straight past her and halfway up the high street before I realised /I was 'missing something.'
What makes me so cross today is the early pressure on single parents to return to work. I thank god that when my ex left me with 4 children aged between 6 and 14, I wasn't under pressure to go out to work. Now I think single parents have to look for work when children are school-aged. Bad enough to only have one parent, then to have that parent absented through work commitments too - not a good recipe for social care!

I'm sure I left my eldest daughter in charge of the youngest on occasion but she would have been about 14 , maybe when I had to go to the doctors or something. Her sister would have been about 9 but both were very sensible girls and we had an elderly neighbour 2 doors down for emergencies.

My girls talk often about trips out with my Mum. It would have been the early 90's . They would go into town to the local market, where my Mum would buy them a pounds worth of their hearts desire.

They would them go to the shopping centre ( indoors) where my Mum would settle them down on the floor outside the wool shop with their new toys and she would go inside to browse and buy wool.

When she was done she would come back outside , pick them up and take them for breakfast at the Coop ( a huge treat!!).

As a child and the oldest of 4 I was often left in charge of the little ones, and from the age of 14 I took them to the beach every day in the school holidays by bus. I was 14, and they were 9 and 4 yr old twins. So not only did I have responsibility for them on the journey but also for 10 hours at the beach and in the water. I even taught them all to swim.

They were different times and no-one thought anything of it.

independent many of my younger friends return to work when their children are tiny - by choice! And single or with partners. So what's the difference?

I think you were extremely fortunate to not have to return to work when your marriage broke up, I think that's the exception.

When I was 13, I had Rheumatic fever, and had to stay in bed for 6 months. Money was tight and my Mother had just got a job. I was left on my own all day. I had a flask of cocoa, sandwiches and biscuits. The radio, books and I did a lot of embroidery and knitting. I absolutely loved it, and to this day never mind my own company.
I doubt this could happen today.

Oops. I meant imperfect - "independent" being a Freudian slip!

nanaandgrampy you echo my experience as a child ('re trips into town). We also loved it.

I think you should just build it up gradually over the years so you don't end up with an adult child who is still dependant on you.
Walking to school or to the nearby shop at 11 is a start. By the time they are 14 they are quite independent and they all have mobile phones so are never out of touch.

I wouldn`t have dreamed of leaving my Children alone when they were under 9/10 . I had a bad experience of 2 Asian men trying to drag my friend and I into a car when I was around 8 . We were too scared to tell our parents for fear of them not letting us play out again .

You only have to think about the Mc cans leaving 3 under 3`s alone to see what can happen .

I remember being left to babysit my much younger sister - I would only have been about 10.

I think I left mine on their own for short periods at that age, or probably younger, as I knew their personalities and that they were very sensible girls. They had instructions to tell anyone who rang that "Mum is in the shower" - i.e. not to let on to anyone that they were on their own, not because I felt bad about doing it, but because you could not be sure who was on the other end. They were instructed not to open the door to anyone. We do live in a very rural area, and you could go all day with no-one walking by.

I also let them loose round our nearest town on their own from about 9. It is a small town and there is a large pedestrianised area and they were under instructions not to leave that area, and also knew people in the shops (e.g. their godfather owned one of the shops) who they could turn to if they had any sort of problem. I would go of and do my shopping at meet them at a specified time. They loved it - they had a little bit of money and would get a MacDonalds or something slightly naughty like that!

I guess the world has changed a bit even since mine were little, and this might not be sensible any more - what a shame.

In the 60s ,a friend thought nothing of putting her son in his pram in the garden then driving her mini 5 miles into town to shop! One day the local coalman stopped to cover the baby as he had kicked off his blankets.
Happy to say 'baby' is now a big success ful man. Would not get away with this nowadays- coalman would probably call social services!

As a single parent for a few years I left mine asleep late at night to take the babysitter home on a few occasions. Took me 5 minutes and they were very sound sleepers - otherwise I wouldn't have done it.

I think I left them alone for perhaps 2 hours when the eldest was 14 and youngest 12. the youngest on her own from about 13 but not for long and always nearby at work (our own company so easy to arrange timings etc and able to get back quickly if need be.)

Caveat. A few times I used what I thought were responsible immediate neighbours' teenage sons and daughters to babysit, so they only had to cross the road to go home. I was friendly with their mothers and thought I knew the boys well enough. To my horror years later my DD told me that when she was about 5 one of them interfered with her, she couldn't identify which one and to this day I don't know who. So you never know. Faced with the same situation and knowing the identity what would GNs have done? Would they speak to the parents? By this time I had moved from this town, but still knew the parents.

Imperfect27 ; what you did seems very reasonable and sensible.

When I was a council officer, I was alarmed when calling on tenants, just how many young kids did answer the door because their parents were out. I think that is definitely unsafe for the children.

I remember once coming home from a rare evening out to find the babysitter had gone home!!!! Luckily the children were all in bed asleep!! I do think the pressure is on mums to work when their kids are young. How do they get them csred for in school holidays and when they're poorly and want mummy

in the 1930s when I was under 10 my parents would leave my younger sister and I alone in the evening while they went out to the club dancing. We were put to bed but needless to say we got up and played. I was sent to the local shop on errands from the age of 5. We always did shopping when we were children. In those days there was no packaging and we were fearful of breaking the eggs which were in a paper bag and we ate the top of the cottage loaf on the way home.

A lot has changed over the years.

I can remember hearing about a lady who went on holiday to Spain, while leaving her young children or child, to look after themselves.

As my brothers were sent away to school from 8 yrs of age, she only had me to look after.
But when we were younger, 6-9 yrs of age, every Christmas period, she would rent the house next door to the hotel, where we lived. She would prefer to help my father during this period, while leaving us two young kids of 6-10 yrs of age, in this rented house.
One night I said to my brother that I would do a dare!
As we lived near to a cliff which I loved climbing. I said to him that I was going for a walk by the cliff, all in my nightdress. Luckily it was those days when it was safer and my mother often came over to see if we were alright. So I was caught and severly punished! Of course it has always been my fault.

We left our son aged 15 on his own one weekend - he didn't want to come away with us. He called on Sunday am saying he felt really ill. So we packed up and raced home only to find he felt better and had gone out.

What surprised me about this story was that I thought there was a legal age at which you could leave children, or is that for babysitting?
But they say there isn't any exact age, just what's "reasonable", varying from one child to another, length of time etc.
But how to decide what's "reasonable"?

I, too, was left with four children in the early ey were aged between 6 and 15. My 15year old daughter had just started work (they could leave at 15 then) I was a teacher so my hours were good for child care and the two younger ones were at my school. My son at 12 was, I'm afraid, a latchkey kid! But I was soon home after school and did work at home. I did leave them with them with the eldest occasionally, but she became 16 shortly after we moved nd as she was working it seemed OK. They all became independent early, fortunately have now all got good careers and families, so I guess I was lucky.

Sorry "typo" - meant to say it was in the early 70s.

I left my children alone when popping to the shop in really icy weather having calculated the chances of being hit by skidding car were higher than anything happening at home. Governments and organisations should stop trying to micro manage lives and look to their own records on child protection and everything else, we are undermining parental authority all the time. Schools want to dictate hair styles and holidays and which family events may be attended and what is in the lunch box, yet pay scant attention to educating the kids which is what we pay them for.

At 13 I had a Saturday job in a florist, at 11 I was expected to get the week's shopping by bus using one of the old style baskets on wheels, my parents left me at home when mum was at work and I had sibling 5 years younger to care for and either coal firr or dreadful old paraffin heater, we grew up with far more common sense than young people are allowed to develop now.

Parents are expected to be working all the time and shoving their kids into nurseries and play groups often run by someone with minimal qualifications and no vested interest in the child's happiness or security.

Look where the scandals happen, hospitals, schools and day care centres, I would farther my children were safe at home, well prepared for it by people who love them.

I am the youngest of 3 sisters with just 5yrs between us all. Back in the 50's when I was about 5/6 we used to be put on a train at Paddington to go to stay with family in South Wales for the school summer holidays. My mum used to find a carriage with a lady in it and find out if she was going as far as Cardiff and if she was, she was then asked if she would mind keeping an eye on us until Cardiff. My aunt and uncle used to meet us off the train at Cardiff before the rest of the journey up to the valleys. We never had any problems but as said previously those were different times. Also the first time I let my eldest son go to the local shop by himself I followed him at a distance and even resorted to hiding in a few front gardens. Anybody seeing me must have thought I was mad

My parents left us when I was 7 my sister 8 and my brother 3, as mum had to get a job to make ends meet. We could always knock on neighbours' doors though should we have needed to.

What puzzles me about this latest article though is that somebody was prosecuted for leaving a 15 year old on their own, yet there is talk of giving kids the vote at 16, and they can get married at 16! Doesn't make much sense to say they suddenly grow up overnight does it.

sddhsd