Gransnet forums

Chat

Don't touch me.

(53 Posts)
morethan2 Thu 04-Feb-16 17:46:44

My colleagues are all going to spar, but not me. I simply can't stand the thought of it. It makes me feel that I'm a bit odd. I'm not keen on being touched. I left my hairdresser because he insisted on kissing me. I thought to myself " your my hairdresser, not my friend" if I'm honest I'm not keen on going to the hairdresser at all and all that touching. I go because I'd look a right mess if I didn't. The thought of a massage fills me with dread. I'm happy to hug a very close friend or colleague, I'm a real hugger with my children, grandchildren and close family but all this social kissing and spar days leave me cold.

janeainsworth Thu 04-Feb-16 17:54:56

I'm not keen on social hugging and kissing, but I find a massage is something quite different and really relaxing!

mollie Thu 04-Feb-16 18:03:42

I do a bit of hugging but draw the line at hugging strangers. I've never had a massage nor been to a spar and can't face the idea of having anyone working on my wobbly or hairy bits - especially after I watched a programme interviewing the beauty therapists and heard some of the awful things they said about their clients! But I would like to have a nice gentle massage one day because I'm told they are great for relaxing.

Stansgran Thu 04-Feb-16 18:04:20

I'm trying to reintroduce shaking hands. I tell people I never kiss my real friends and only relatives if I have to grin
I have had a sports massage_ painful but worth it.

petra Thu 04-Feb-16 18:09:05

I do know what you mean about all the social hugging and kissing, but I love my massages. I'm lucky in that my Daughter is a Indian head massage therapist. I have one of those every week and a full body once a month.

tiredoldwoman Thu 04-Feb-16 18:12:54

Gosh , I thought that I was the only one that couldn't do touching !
I cuddle my grandbabies but can't hug grown ups ! I recoil as if I've been stung !
Dating's a nightmare ! Hand holding feels ok , though .

tiredoldwoman Thu 04-Feb-16 18:14:35

I cut my own hair for the same reason !

Wheniwasyourage Thu 04-Feb-16 18:50:19

DDs and DSIL would go to a spa for fun but it doesn't appeal to me AT ALL, so I get to look after the DGC grin

Bellanonna Thu 04-Feb-16 18:51:26

I'm okay with hugs. Like massage as it makes me feel relaxed. Only actually kiss close family.

rosesarered Thu 04-Feb-16 19:05:05

Oh a spa! Thought you meant Spar supermarket.
I don't mind a bit of social kissing and hugging, everyone does it nowadays.

M0nica Thu 04-Feb-16 19:12:40

You do not have to have a massage or any treatments when you go to spa, at least not at any of the ones I have been to. All the spas I have been to are centred round a swimming pool, jacuzzi, sauna, steam room and a whole lot of other water features that provide more than a day's activities without going near the treatment centre. As a family who love swimming and any associated activities it provides a day of rest and relaxation and, usually, a very nice lunch.

I was introduced to spa days by GN, I won a mother and daughter day at a spa near Newark. The prize included a massage so I had it and there was nothing unpleasant about it, but not enough going for it to want pay to have one again. However I have been back to the spa several times since and also to several others nearer home.

gettingonabit Thu 04-Feb-16 19:19:05

roses I thought the OP meant spar as in boxing!! My mind was boggling a bit theregrin.

I'm ok with "professional" touching-love it in fact- but I absolutely HATE social hugginess. I've never been tactile with anyone really-not even dd-and my family were too stern for that kind of thing.

Social tactility (is that even a word?) between adults must be a recent thing? It certainly wasn't around when I was a nipper (although random adults were far more tactile around kids than they are now, it seems).

morethan2 Thu 04-Feb-16 19:33:50

Sorry it the auto correct thingy and a pretty shitty stressful day at workblush

rosesarered Thu 04-Feb-16 19:37:02

Predictive text on iPad is annoying isn't it? I have to really check things or goodness knows what it would print.

LullyDully Thu 04-Feb-16 19:39:15

I get irritated by the kissy kissy on both cheeks.....I find it a bit pretentious.

annodomini Thu 04-Feb-16 19:44:36

I can't help wondering: if you can't bear being touched, how do you cope with the dentist? or doctors? I'm not being facetious - just puzzled. I had a lovely hot stones massage as a Christmas present one year and keep hoping it might happen again!

emmasnan Thu 04-Feb-16 19:48:34

I can hug children and peck people I know on the cheek.
Not at all comfortable having my hair touched by others. Wouldn't consider a massage, I would find it unpleasant.

petra Thu 04-Feb-16 19:50:15

Massage doesn't just relax you. Bad 'stuff' stays in your muscules when you are stressed. Regular massage releases this from your body.

etheltbags1 Thu 04-Feb-16 19:52:44

I do massages and everyone loves them but Im not too keen on being hugged or kissed by other people. Its like, my massage therapies are professional and hugs and kisses are not. I would never hug./kiss anyone I was doing a therapy on.
Ha ha I do reflexology but would never kiss toes yuk

Bellanonna Thu 04-Feb-16 19:55:23

Agree, Petra

MaizieD Thu 04-Feb-16 20:04:56

I don't object in the slightest to being touched. I love having my hair done and massages. I'm perfectly happy to be hugged by my huggy friends.

On the other hand, I do have some friends who don't like it and I wouldn't dream of inflicting a hug on them. It's all down to personal preferences and respecting other peoples' wishes, isn't it?

morethan2 Thu 04-Feb-16 20:15:33

It's ok to ask annodomini the answer is I don't cope well at all. Lucky enough I have a fabulous G.P who understands.My dentist is very stern so I revert to 'child' and do as I'm told. But I'm outta that chair like a bullet out of a gun. My sister is much worse than me. She positively freezes at any attempt to touch her. She's lovely though.

Penstemmon Thu 04-Feb-16 21:25:28

It is interesting how we are all different. I see it already in my DGC (age range 3-10) DGD2 has always been physically affectionate and sought out extra cuddles. She always hugs & kisses before leaving and shouts 'love you'. The others enjoy cuddles & contact but are less demonstrative and will clamber into the car shouting goodbye but don't always kiss or hug. My DDs & I do not kiss /hug except on special occasions and certainly not every time we meet or depart! But then we see each other a lot! I am not a natural social kisser/hugger...I blame boarding school! However I do have some friends where it feels spontaneous and natural ,others it would not!

First time I had a massage was at a David Lloyd spa. A friend I had some sort of discount offer and went along...I guess I was about 40. We waited for the therapist/masseurs to call us in to the treatment room and had spent the time laughing & joking as we saw different people who might be the therapist. When her person came it was a woman about our age and then my masseur arrived.. a well toned , good looking very young French guy. I have never been so tense in all my life!! blush

granjura Thu 04-Feb-16 21:30:27

I think it depends very much on how and where you grew up. I love touching and being touched, receiving and gving massages. Our daughters are 42 and 40, but they still love me touching their hair, stroking their back and lower legs and feet- as well as shiatsu and reflexology. Touch is a wonderful thing to share.

And hugging and kissing is very natural with friends, none of that 'mwah mwah' à la Patsi.

Penstemmon Thu 04-Feb-16 22:02:57

GJ my DGDs are being brought up in the same home but have different responses to hugging and kissing... one being quite reserved and the other is demonstrative! My own DDs were like that too..DD1 would hug on her terms only when she decided. DD2 on the other hand was happy to cuddle and snuggle at every opportunity!