Don't touch me.

granjura me too! And most of my friends are huggy fortunately.

When my friend's DH died she wept bitterly that she had no one to hug her anymore so I always make a point of giving her a good hug whenever I see her. She tells me I am a really good hugger so I guess I have got it right.

My DGM couldn't bear to be touched for some reason and her DS, my DF, just didn't know how but really wanted to be hugged and was extremely awkward about it, poor man. I often wondered if there was a connection and I guess there was. Just one of those things and we are all different.

I grew up in a tactile family. My granny loved to have us comb her hair which was soft, silver and really curly; my mum liked to have her feet massaged. So do I - a pedicure is a wonderful treat. I live away from my family and I so love having a hug with DSs and GC. Miss it badly when I come home from a visit to them.

Funnily enough I was talking about this very subject with the offspring last weekend. We are not a touchy huggy family at all and yet our love for each other is solid and very supportive. Demonstrative love is not necessarily greater or better we decided.

I only hug and kiss my family, my DGCs can climb and roll all over me, as my children did when they were little. But I don't want complete strangers touching me, massages are only relaxing if you don't mind being touched. I do and I would tense up completely all the time. When a hairdresser offered a head massage I said "no thank you". As far as doctors etc go I have to consciously do relaxation and breathing exercises to get through things.

I dont mind a hug at all from people I know. When I meet a couple of friends I have known for several years as part of an earth science interest group, both men, we often hug. It is really nothing but a friendly gesture.

I am not so keen on kissing though.

So relieved others feel the same I thought I was really cold and strange feeling this way I hug my family but just don't get all this over affection and hugging .

I'm with granjura and synonymous here, and love being having physical affection from family and friends. However, I was totally freaked out when we went back to a B and B, where we'd spent one night 2 years before, and the man kissed me on the mouth! Ididn't know him at all and did not like it.

My family is quite hands on and touchy feely. We do hugs and air kisses. Nevertheless, I would be less than comfortable with a massage or, indeed, any sort of professional contact more than hair cutting or the dentist. My real problem with a spa day would be the mind numbing, interminable dullness of it all. I guess, though, that if you go with a group of friends the girly chats would make up for that and you don't want to seem standoffish.

If I say this may well be a very 'British' thing- I'll probably be shot ;) (but I think it is).

I've only been to a Center Parcs Spa, no treatments, and I love it but find other people's conversations really annoying. It's a quiet area - as clearly signed.
I trained as an aromatherapist but have not had a massage since training. I loved it but hate my tummy so much I will not go for a massage. Such a shame I feel like this because as the therapist I am completely unconcerned by wobbly bits and crusty feet, they are just. ....well...just part of the person. A good therapist might well notice imperfections but should never, ever comment on them in a derogatory manner.

I really don't think it is a British thing JG, because I am fine with kissy/ huggy touch, as are some of our DC, but one DC is not, she is exactly like DH about public displays ( as was his Mother, but not his Father).My own Grandma could not show public affection either, but Grandad was a hugger, my Father was too.So, all of them being British, it would seem it is just a gene thing like all other aspects of personality and physical appearance.

I'm another one who grew up in a non touch family. My sister and I are trying to be more tactile and are fine with our own children and in my case grandchildren but in social situation she is a plank and I am an ironing board - we have been told this. As you know I play golf and there is so much kissy kissy there after a game but after a few attempts with me most ladies shake my hand- the men are a different matter nothing seems to deter them!!

I love professional massages though and spa visits. Be nice to do one as a Gransnet meet up.

Now that Ilive alone I miss having a hug. Only get one on the rare visits from my son. My husband used to pat me on the bum when I was washing up or cooking. Happy memories.

Neither of my DSs hug me much to my disappointment. One of them hugs his partner, little son and his friends. The other hates being touched. I have a few friends who hug me but I usually have to ask. I do miss getting a hug from a man. It's different from a woman's hug some how. Hugs to all GNs who want one.

I am not a hugger (except family) and fortunately most of my friends accept this however I do have one friend who does the kissing both cheeks thing - except its usually 5 kisses!! I have dropped hints but it is her way of greeting and saying goodbye.

I was once given a spa day as a gift and found the massage very relaxing but recoiled when the therapist wanted to massage my feet!

It may well come down to what was done or not done within families. I remember asking my Mum now deceased, how come she could hug her grandchildren so easily and yet she rarely did with us, her own children? She burst into tears and said that it was just not done in her time when growing up, and now she was sad as she could see how many years she's missed out on doing something that once she did it, it all felt so very warm, easy and natural to her. She said it was us, her children who taught her how to do it. I find I go with the wishes of others/friends on this. I can usually intuitively feel my way through. But I entirely agree there is always inappropriate stuff in this department also, and it will probably always feel odd when this type of interaction is experienced. To me that kiss on the mouth as mentioned above is just plain "inappropriate"!

Both my husband and I grew up in families that were not tactile so find it a bit difficult. It's one of the reasons I hate New Year as I can't be doing with all that false kissing!! My sons are both completely opposite in that the eldest just doesn't do hugs although his daughters both do and they always say love you. My younger son is far more affectionate and his wife and family are the same - he's always hugged both of us when leaving. I love having my hair done although I would be horrified if my hairdresser tried to kiss me - she is female though The only massage I've had was when I had acupuncture and the therapist thought it would help clear my lymph glands. It was very painful but after 3 or 4 sessions my bad neck which I'd had for years was gone - unfortunately it didn't clear up the original ailment I went to see him about. I'd love to have a hot stone massage - no idea what it does but it sounds wonderful!

I would have paid extra for my ex hairdresser to kiss me!! He was gorgeous - & straight- also my God daughter's boyfriend. Oh well- hey ho!

Grew up in French environment where everyone kissed everyone else - except DM and DF, and GPs!!! Wasn't done, we had to remember who we were! When they were in their 0s, DPs came to live near me, and we hugged and kissed more than we ever had done when we were children! Odd.

I have always made a point of kigging and hugging my own DCs, mostly because I love their smell, and still encourage kissing even tho' they are in their 30s. DH will now give his sons a manly hug, after much pushing from me - I know that they all enjoy it; the boys will hug each other very happily.

I agree, don't much like public hugging and kissing, excpet for professional touching.

I love having my hair done. I have never had a massage but wouldn't mind trying it. I'm not into social hugging and kissing though. First time of introduction I think a hand shake is sufficient. I don't think that I have ever been a very touchy feely person, but have taught myself to be so in certain situations.

My husband and I are very into hugs, kisses, general touching and so is our daughter as we have brought her up that way.Luckily her husband is very huggy too so when we see them we all have a hugfest! My stepdaughter and her husband are very huggy too!
I have recently lost a dear friend to cancer, who was never able to sustain a relationship with the opposite sex as she couldn't bear being touched, hugged, kissed etc. Obviously, this doesn't go down well with a boyfriend. Her parents were never cuddly with her so this explains why she had lots of friends, but hardly ever lasted more than a couple of dates with a boyfriend. It is such a shame as she was very beautiful and a great laugh, but all her male friends were gay as she didn't feel any pressure with them. So parents, make sure you teach your children to hug, (only people they know well, obviously) so that they don't grow up being repelled by a loving touch.

I am with the non hugger so . At new year my boss would kiss all the ladies . I told him I did not kiss him the rest of the year so did not want a kiss then .

When I was very ill, everyone wanted to hug me. Or worse!!!

www.debretts.com/british-etiquette/communication/face-face/social-kissing
I like this link as it reinforces the rule that kissing/hugging is not acceptable on first meeting. After all, if you're just being introduced to someone, you are strangers. I'm sure that as far as social etiquette goes, if you have a professional relationship with someone e.g. hairdresser then kissing and hugging is inappropriate. You wouldn't expect a kiss from your doctor, solicitor or bank manager!

That said, I used to feel very uncomfortable with hugs and kisses outside of family (I've always hugged my children and grandson) but after my husband died, I changed and became softer somehow. I hug and kiss like a good'n now! I need that affection.

Social kissing/hugging can be a minefield though. Some give one kiss, some two, others three or more!

Don't mind massages, and love having my hair done - very relaxing, but I'm so pleased to discover that I'm not alone in hating all the social hugging. I thought I must be a very cold person, only hugging the DGC. I think people must have noticed that I tend to keep my distance.