Granimosity

I thought we were the only ones with a "foreign" grandchild. Seems like there are a lot of us with family abroad. My son found his partner and moved to Denmark, so we now have a Danglish grandson. He has a loving granny and a loving step-granny and lots of aunts who he sees regularly. We have been over a couple of times. He's under eighteen months old and he's actually travelled more times in an aeroplane than we have! I would love to see him more and I'm quite envious of his other gran but I know (well hope) that he'll be happy to see us when he's older.

my son has bought up his girlfriend 1st child up since dc was 3 months old, and now has a 2 yr old with her. she doesn't seem to be too maternal and since kk was born I have them every weekend and sometimes thru the week too. Her mum lives in the same city as us too. I don't think my grandchildren have a favourite nani. If they do, they don't make a song and dance about it.

Only really see the other Grandparents at the odd family occasion, does not seem to be any problems. I do keep my distance though but this is due to past other family marriage break-ups,as soon as problems appear each family will protect their own, but that is human nature. I never think it is a good idea to get too pally with your son or daughters in-laws.

Interesting topic! I would have loved to share the grannying with the other gran - I never even met her - but very sadly she died a few months before gs was born. She knew about him, but never got to see him. I am very aware of the privilege I have, because I had the same illness (breast cancer) that she died of, yet I survived. Now there is a gd too, and these two little ones at least have their 2 great-grans but they are too young to appreciate how special that is.

I can't really compete with the other Nana as she's a Buddist and radiates inner peace and joy. My daughter finds her very irritating.

I am amazed at what I have read here. Being a loved and valued grandmother is a joy and delight and exists separately from anyone else's relationship with those children. I cannot believe where some of you are coming from and I cannot believe your egos!

I did have two other grans in my life, my sons' mothers in law. Sadly one passed away and the other has been very ill with bowel cancer and can't tolerate chemo so is in a very risky situation.

I feel very lucky to still be alive and in reasonable health. I am the only gran standing and it feels scary.

I liked the gran who passed away very much and miss her every day. We had a very amicable relationship.

No granimosity here. I am granny, she is nanny and she is the local one. She is lovely and I am very glad that my daughter has another pair of supportive hands close by. I am confident we will both build a positive relationship with our shared GS and any more GC to come.

She set a very positive marker when my daughter was near her due date as she said 'You must have the first cuddles.' I never felt the need to be 'first' about anything, but that was so kind and generous of her. A few days after he was born and the second time I was able to see him she was invited along too, but declined the invite as she said she felt it was important that we had our own time for bonding and I am truly grateful for that sensitivity.

We are also planning to get together for coffee in the near future.

I think it is really worth cultivating a positive relationship with the other GPs. We have such a special bond in common and there is plenty of love to go round.

Last thoughts - my parents were very hard up when my children were little, but there was no sense of 'competition' with the other more affluent GPs. Children respond best to time and interest, above material gifts and they gave those gifts in spade-loads, even when living at a distance. I think my children loved ALL their grandparents equally, for different reasons and I did all I could to foster that.

I have no issues with my co-granny. She lives five minutes from my daughter and DD often calls round with the little boys during the day.

I live over an hour and a half away and get to see them about every two weeks.

I have been happy that my daughter has had this contact near to her since DGS1 was born. It has been a good support for her.

Co-granny has a lot of mobility issues and can't do very much hands on care, but the little ones enjoy going to see her as a regular figure in their lives.

absent, I didn't dare to say it, but thanks for saying it for me!

I too find jealousy most unattractive.

I think it's important to make your own relationship with your GC. I can't compete with supergran, so I concentrate on what I'm about. One thing supergran can't do is bake, so that's where I come in. My DGD asked her mummy and daddy when she could come to me again, on her own without them, and I was really chuffed with that.

Supergran isn't really that super, I just get a bit tired of hearing my DIL go on about the wonderful bond supergran has with the GC, as if I'm a passing stranger. DIL seems to have had a tact bypass . In fact, I'd not thought about that before. Over the years DIL has upset me quite a few times but I realise now that she's just completely lacking in tact, poor lamb. Anyway, she makes my son happy and she's a good mum, so hurrah for that.

There are days when I would love my youngest granddaughters other granny to have them. Problem is she died 19 years ago aged 46. My very best friend. My son has married her daughter. I see her in the two girls and love them for both of us.

Imperfect27 You are so fortunate with the other granny.

When DD1 gave birth to her second baby a few weeks ago her MiL dashed up from Wales with other family in tow ( a 4 hour drive) to be first on the scene! I am an hour away but decided that it might be overwhelming for DD1 plus SiL and GS1 if everyone descended together and went down to see them the following day. DD1 was relieved.

I am glad I only have to see her at GCs birthdays. I don't even try to ask about Xmas!

Flowerofthewest, what a beautiful post.

Lucyinthesky, yes, I am fortunate and grateful - my first GC, her 4th, but the first boy. The other GC are near to her and she is a loving presence but she chooses not to be too involved. That said, she has been brilliant at supporting my DD and SIL with prepared meals and gentle advice. I know she has been anxious not to impose and to allow me daughter time, but she is so very welcome. I hope she feels that.

Until I read this thread I'd never heard about the 'competition' thing about who gets to be called grandma, granny or nanny, etc. In my family we use the GP's surname, so it might be Grandma Smith or Granny Jones. When there was a divorce and later a 2nd marriage, the new GP chose to be Nanny because there was already a Granny with her new surname. Sometimes it's the first name that's used, but either way there's no problem at all about what the GPs get called.

We live at the other end of the country from both DDs and DGs. We see them all every 2-3 months and they spend time with us here - we are Granny & Grandad Seaside. We are very lucky - one sil 's parents live just around the corner, and do a lot of babysitting, enabling DD to work, and I know the children love them to bits. Always had slight reservations about the other couple - she has seemed very competitive about time and quality of time spent with them, but now she is seriously ill, and I find myself feeling guilty about my previous less than charitable thought about her, and hoping desperately that the boys don't lose their other Grandma.