This is selfish ... sorry

That is good. There isn't much that you can do except keep the contact and let her know that you care.

I try but I am finding it very difficult to be understanding of her feeling and I am worried that she can see my struggle and that I am making it worse for her.

I think that you can only make it worse by ignoring it or changing the subject. Just let her talk, you don't have to see it the same way.

Just be kind and loving to her Glass. Which is totally unnecessary advice to give to you. You were good to your father. You are a good girl. x

Just be governed by your love for her Glass. Try not to let any feelings you had towards your dad come into it. If you don't know what to say, fall back on a little hug. Or a kiss on her cheek. She needs to feel loved by the rest of you now.

Just be governed by your love for her Glass. Try not to let any feelings you had towards your dad come into it. If you don't know what to say, fall back on a little hug. Or a kiss on her cheek. She needs to feel loved by the rest of you now.

I used to worry that I would die before my husband, as I am sure that I was more emotionally robust than he is. When we met he had a huge problem with alcohol, which he worked incredibly hard to conquer. I am sure that if I had gone first, he would have returned to drinking to excess and got himself into all sorts of trouble. The thought of him being unable to cope without me was quite unbearable. Now he has dementia, and about to go into residential care, so I know he will be looked after, and may not even be aware of me going. Although it is awful, that gives me some relief.

Why does this flippin' iPad mini sometimes post twice?!

jingle thanks xx

To tigerhouse's husband and to all who have lost loved ones and will find Christmas difficult, I send kind thoughts and all sympathy. There is some really good advice on here and I am filled with admiration for the courage and resilience that is evident.

But it really is OK to grieve and be sad - and, tigerhouse's husband, it is such early days for you. Things will get slowly better and you will be able to remember the good things - too early for that yet.

glass - emotions after a family death can be very complicated and hard to deal with. Don't beat yourself up; be kind to yourself - you can only be human.

just wanted to say a big thank you to all those members on here who have spoken with kind words etc, my wife tigerhouse was in a wheelchair outside of the house,had a stairlift put in a couple of years ago to help her, she was on home oxygen for up to 18 hours a day, so she had a rough time all in all. but she'd often say to me that there was people worst off than herself
that was part of her kind generous nature, she was from newcastle & i loved her so much,still do, i'll talk to her, sometimes in my dreams ' i find myself chatting about any old thing then say to her fancy a cuppa ? she'd say yes please, in that instance i'd wake up only to realise it's just a dream and that would bring it home so very hard again that's she's gone from me, hardly ever argue ( i'd loose anyway ) but i was watching the t.v some weeks ago, where a widow of a policeman was killed in the line of duty, she said on the bbc, that the second year was worse than the first, as in the first year, she had all the support going, but it melted away the second year, i had relatives who had lost their partners over the years & never really knew what they where suffering, i'd make all the right noises etc, but until now, i know now how they suffered, when i saw the john lewis christmas ad for the 1st time, hated it, that sad lonely old man, just brought home to me what my life is like now & that same for so many others.

When I was in my late fifties/early sixties, friends began to fall ill some died and it was frightening.

I went to my GP about another matter, but I mentioned this to him. His response was quite cold but I guess realistic. He said that this was a fact of life and something we all have to accept.

Since then I have lost my Dh and two close friends. Another friend has had a serious operation. The doctor's words come back to me from time to time.

My dh and I had seven happy retired years tootling about the country in the car. We had it in the back of our minds that these years were important - we were right.

That was my point, Falconbird but I was then told it was unhelpful and inappropriate! We will die - either we will go first or we will have to adapt to the partner going first. It is a fact. I can't see the point in worrying about it, it won't change anything but it will spoil the present.
I am over 60yrs and I still run, ski, walk long distances, dance, swim etc. I realise that there will come a day, sooner or later, when I can't so I do as much of the physical stuff now as I can and then I will have to adapt and life will be different .
We are lucky in that DH and I are still healthy and have freedom to do things together. We make the most of them and get on and do them.
I have friends at the moment dealing with terrible things, a wife with dementia finally going into care, a husband with an inoperable brain tumour, - I won't go on- it is too depressing. They are all managing - they have no choice. None of us know what is around the corner so all you can do is make the most of the present.
Being widowed young made me realise that terrible things don't happen to 'other people' - they can happen to us all. Since then I have never had a long term plan other than to hope to be healthy, with happiness being a bonus. When I was first widowed my one aim was to make it through the day- life felt like a battle. I gradually managed to see a week ahead and now I am back to plans for the future, but still try to stay in the present.
tigerhouse brings it all back to me. (I slept with DH's dirty shirt for a year). He is quite right in that no one can understand unless they have been through it and there is no way to 'make it better' you just have to work through it in your own way. I am so sorry tigerhouse - life is very unfair.

It is not 'being brave' Canarygirl1 - you are thrown into a situation that you don't want, there is no way to reverse it, so you just have to manage. You all find your own way.

It's three and a half years for me now and the support and sympathy does fall away.

Tigerhouse - It's truly awful to see your loved one suffer and then have to cope alone - I've been there and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

A short time after my dh passed away my son was diagnosed with bowel cancer. I thought my world was falling apart but thankfully my son is now in remission. I had to stay strong for him and his little family.

Keep posting - Christmas can be really, really hard but you will find a way through. My dh loved Christmas and always bought far too much food. I remember him whistling away and cooking the turkey or staggering in with bags full of "grub."

He did live to be 67 and had a longer life than many people, he lived to see his grandchildren and I try to be grateful for small mercies such as these.

I am terrified of the prospect. We are coming up to fifty years together and i can't imagine being without him. I know he feels the same. We have lost so many long standing friends in recent years it beggars belief and is very depressing. I spent a long time on the phone yesterday with my best friend who lost her husband two years ago and is still devastated. Today we learned that DH's younger brother passed away early this morning and I had a difficult call with his wife. DH is so upset he can't speak to her yet. It was expected but she had hoped they would have a last Christmas together. Life can be a complete bugger sometimes.

Greyduster - well summed up -Life IS a complete bugger sometimes.

All we can do is keep going. A friend has a saying

"what can't be cured must be endured"

very true unfortunately.

My dear old man passed on Thursday. He'd been really ill and I know for sure the time had certainly come when he wanted to be gone. This is the first time in 48 years he's not been here for a cuddle on Christmas morning. So sad.

MeggyMay. How very sad for you.

I was married for 44 years and know how you feel MeggyMay. Thinking of you

MeggyMay i am so sorry. Nothing anyone can say is going to be of any comfort to you, but i will be thinking of you.

Thinking of you today*meggymay*. You will be very sad. Hope you have happy memories.

MeggyMay my condolences and (((hugs))), and for all of you without your loved ones.