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My heart is breaking for my child.

(60 Posts)
Katek Sat 05-Dec-15 12:03:30

I have, in the past, alluded to the fact that dd1 is widowed and that her husband died of a pulmonary embolism following surgery. None of us has ever felt entirely at peace with what happened-there were too many unanswered questions. Dd1 decided earlier this year to instruct solicitors to initiate an enquiry on her behalf. All the reports are now in and the causation expert has determined that there was negligence with regard to SIL's care both pre and post operatively. For instance, he was written up for Heparin post surgery but did not receive it for 30 hours by which time the clot had already formed. No compression stockings either. It goes without saying that we were/are all in shock although it has confirmed we were right to be uneasy.

Last night at panto dd1 had a very tearful meltdown right at the end of the show. Dgd had sung beautifully in the finale right at the front and her mum was so upset that her father wasn't there to see her. She kept saying he should have been there if someone had only done their job properly. Her sister is coming up to stay with her for the weekend so she's not alone.

I almost wish she hadn't started this process although I know she needed an answer one way or another. I'm so afraid it will undo all the progress she has made to date. She's been amazingly strong for dgd-so much so that she sometimes forgets about her own needs.

My heart is breaking for her. I wish she was little again when a hug fixed most things.

grandmaz Mon 07-Dec-15 07:36:32

Katek, I feel for you all and there can't be a loving parent who doesnt empathise with your feeling of helplessness in the face of your DD and DGD's pain. we would all rather take that pain ourselves, a million times over, than see our beloved DC and DGC suffer so.

As many have said here, your love and support will help them to get through this.

I hope that time helps to gently heal the pain for you all. Sending hugs (((xxx)))

janeainsworth Tue 08-Dec-15 08:41:35

kate Nick Robinson discussing the issue of things going wrong with Dame Julie Mellor, and what relatives can do, on the Today Programme Radio 4 about 8.35 today. It might help you.
I can only add my sympathy to what others have written. flowers

Anya Tue 08-Dec-15 08:49:40

Just be there, and be strong, for your DD, as I'm sure you are Katy flowers

Perhaps you can take a bit of comfort from the fact that by exposing such bad practice you might improve care and save others going through what you've all had to suffer.

Katek Tue 08-Dec-15 10:41:47

Dd off to see solicitor on Friday to discuss her options. She's asked me to go with her and, in preparation, I've had to read the reports which was very hard indeed. It doesn't get any easier.

loopylou Tue 08-Dec-15 14:10:05

(((Hugs))) Katek, thinking of you x

dustyangel Tue 08-Dec-15 20:48:25

Katek I've only just caught up with this thread. I am so sorry for what your poor DD has been through and feel for you in your support of her. I hope that later it will help her to know that she has done everything to expose this negligence. flowers

Judthepud2 Wed 09-Dec-15 17:33:58

So hard for you all Katek. Thinking of you and your grieving DD flowers

Luckylegs9 Thu 10-Dec-15 17:12:29

To lose a loved one through negligence is just hell on earth I know that from personal experience. I lost my lovely mother when I was a young woman because of it and just met with brick walls from the medical profession. After the inquest I had to put all my feelings in a box and hide it in order to bring my very young children up. I find I cannot think of it, the pain is still too much. Not a solution at all I suppose, but I didn't want to be be bitter and involve the children in my hurt, so that is what I did. Talking is meant to help but I find it takes me back to those feelings and I cannot cope with them. Thinking of you all, but the hugs won't be wasted Katek she needs all the strength to get through it, having you there will make all the difference.

Luckygirl Thu 10-Dec-15 22:20:07

Sorry to hear about your Mum luckylegs - how painful it must be to know that it was avoidable. I cannot imagine how you and Katek's DD can with this. How very sad. flowers