Gransnet forums

Chat

past,present or future

(24 Posts)
Cherrytree59 Tue 10-Nov-15 00:43:51

Talking to different people just lately, they have recommended trying to live in the 'present'
One friend who is going through chemo, has said that he switches off from the past and does not think about the future.It is good that he is able to do this, BUT it does mean that his poor wife is having to deal with the immediate future with day today needs and his hospital appointments etc

Another friend who has been through a traumatic time has embraced Buddhism and says that she now lives in the present.
I can understand to a certain extent. As when on holiday can switch off and enjoy the moment. But when back home life takes over.
Can you truly live in the present?

Do you mainly 'live' in the past or try to live in the present or are you like me busy trying to sort out the future?

Grandma2213 Tue 10-Nov-15 01:22:00

I remember reading a quote somewhere which said:

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That’s why they call it the present.

I think you have to live in the present because that is all you have for sure. You don't have to switch off the future and can make plans if it makes you feel better. Put immediate appointments etc on your calendar save a bit of cash, write a few letters in case, but actually nobody knows what tomorrow will bring despite all your plans!

Teetime Tue 10-Nov-15 08:09:35

Love that grandma2213 I shall try to do better I dwell in the past far to much and also the 'what might have been'.

Marmark1 Tue 10-Nov-15 08:28:23

That's good,grandma2213,I will try to keep it at the top of my mind.I spend most of the day worrying about things I can't change.

Atrig Tue 10-Nov-15 08:50:47

I am constantly trying to stop myself living only for the future and planning to make it better. I end up wasting today. I think it is very wise to live mostly in the present

mollie Tue 10-Nov-15 09:15:23

I used to dwell on the past far too much but now I'm firmly in the present. My future view is really just a few months ahead like most people, dreading Christmas and looking forward to spring but that's it. The past still pops up but as a short memory and not a place to hide or wallow in.

Auntieflo Tue 10-Nov-15 09:41:44

Grandma2213, I have that quote on the wall in my sewing room. I try to live in the moment, as it's no good worrying about the past, and the future will bring what it will.

jinglbellsfrocks Tue 10-Nov-15 09:50:15

I love going back in my head to my very early past. I'm not stopping! hmm

I'm not very good of thinking about the future. I prefer things to just happen.

The present isn't too fantastic due to mild health problems. And the getting old thing. (one and the same probably)

annsixty Tue 10-Nov-15 09:59:52

For me the past is definitely another country. It's like going back to an old neighbourhood, don't go or you will probably be upset by how much things have changed . The future is mostly out of our control, so just live in the present and enjoy it if you can.

jinglbellsfrocks Tue 10-Nov-15 10:00:45

No annsixty. It keeps the people with you.

smile

Katek Tue 10-Nov-15 10:30:51

I'm a future person-always planning my next adventure and having fun as I go.

soontobe Tue 10-Nov-15 10:41:02

I am definitely a present person. But perhaps like others, look forward about 6 months in general?

I like to move on from the past, but sometimes, for some people [not myself], the past interferes with the present unfortunately.

posie Tue 10-Nov-15 10:41:59

I try not to think too far ahead (too worrying).
I aso try not to dwell on the past but it creeps in sometimes in my dreamsconfused

Just try to do the best I can now.

POGS Tue 10-Nov-15 14:43:45

I think I am a bit of each but planning for the future probably least of all as something always crops up to scupper your dreams and hopes.

Dealing with the present is the most important as you can't change the past, you hope you can plan for your future but what happens in the present has to be dealt with.

WilmaKnickersfit Tue 10-Nov-15 14:52:04

I think it's natural to think about all three. The problems start when you do too much of one. smile

KatyK Tue 10-Nov-15 18:55:55

I think it can be very hard not to dwell on the past when the past was traumatic, ie childhood. Sometimes the scars it leaves are always with you. I admire people who can 'move on'. Some of us don't find it that easy but do our best smile

stillhere Tue 10-Nov-15 19:06:34

DBH has been told not to think ahead, as it causes him stress. However he seems to be perfectly capable of planning ahead for nice things, which then disrupt the appointments I have had to make, which he hasn't let me tell him about. confused An example - he is away, but he was meant to be returning on Thursday. He has three appointments next week but doesn't want me to tell him until the day. Last night he told me that he had been thinking of staying up there for another two weeks. I said he couldn't, he has appointments, he said - Why didn't you tell me? angry The poor person making all the appointments can't win.

M0nica Tue 10-Nov-15 19:07:53

As far as I am concerned I live in all three. I cannot see how anyone can do anything else. The past forms the person we are in the present and while I accept we do not know what the future will bring, we could all die for tomorrow, if we all lived on that basis, we would not commit ourselves to anything; no partnerships, no children, no holidays, no home.

Look at the probabilities, average lifespan is heading for 80, which means while a lot of people do die before that age, many live much longer. So I plan for the future and if the future is not as expected, I change my plans. Simples!

rosesarered Tue 10-Nov-15 19:11:44

I agree with Wilma it's natural to think of all three but not to dwell too much on any one.

WilmaKnickersfit Tue 10-Nov-15 23:09:44

It's hard though and sometimes you need help to change the balance of where your thoughts are when the balance has been out of kilter for many years. For lots of people it never happens and it can cause so much unhappiness. We spend our lives making our internal rules and beliefs, many of which are not always helpful and can often conflict, and when this happens and keeps on happening, you can become very unhappy with life. Yes, I am speaking from experience.

Anniebach Tue 10-Nov-15 23:37:26

I rarely look back, hurts too much.

Nana3 Wed 11-Nov-15 00:36:45

I worry about the future partly because I have a lot of responsibilities and put off too many of the things that need doing.
I like to concentrate on something practical such as sewing, knitting or reading a book, it takes my mind off the worries and keeps me sane in the present.
Remembering people I have lost is lovely even though it makes me cry. You can't change the past, but I suppose we all have regrets.

Nana3 Wed 11-Nov-15 00:49:26

There are some very wise people on this thread, thanks to you all.smile

Elrel Wed 11-Nov-15 01:42:48

Agree with Roses and Wilma. For me the past can stir sweet memories or bitter regrets, the future can hold hopeful plans or dark foreboding, best to mainly live in the now!

Wishing everyone peace of mind.