Holidaying with older children and their children......?

...we are about to go away for this coming weekend with my son and his wife and 1 year old, also a first. I am in from the list of "can't be without" requirements for the baby! But am looking forward to it.

We holidayed with our DD, her H and GC for several years, abroad and here in England and loved it. Always a cottage or villa with lots of freedom. Now they are separated I miss it so much. Enjoy it while you can, I look back on it as a very good experience for us all.

We did something like this a couple of years ago and all went smoothly probably because of the layout of the rented house. This enabled us to make a few ground rules that were sorted out right from the first. Bedrooms were private and the 'public' rooms such as sitting room and kitchen were for everyone. We also had a couple of rules about meals that I let everyone know about in the planning stages so that everyone understood what they were taking on.

Breakfast was a help yourself buffet but I was happy to cook eggs & bacon for all. Lunches were always DIY (you could bring something back or eat out). And in the evening I cooked a simple main meal and everyone pitched in with bought deserts and clearing up.
If you get the rules sorted out well in advance it works.

Quite right HildaW - we did the same and it's worked really well. annsixty - mine are both divorced but we have good access to our son's daughter and obviously to our daughter's daughter so it is still working well. I'm thinking that in a few years' time they will be too busy to come and see us so I'm making the best of it now

We frequently holiday and have long weekends with all three of our DDs and their families. This weekend we are all off to Norfolk . Us in our caravan and the others camping. Everyone mucks in with meals and no one has to do or go places they don't want to. So we have the best of all being together with the option of having our own space. Love it !

Feeling a bit raw on this subject as DD and SIL had asked us to spend last week with them at their holiday house in Somerset, but DH was summoned to hospital for a "procedure" which never actually happened in the end. Annoyingly, with 4 other medical appointments in 4 days this week we were unable to go this week instead.
2 years ago we had a short break with them in Blackwood Forest which was great fun, especially as DH was fitter then than now. I would have loved spending time with the little ones, but it might have been the antithesis of relaxing!

Looks like we have a similar set up to Ginny. It started off with a house that we all fitted into but gradually as more gcs appeared we spread out - now have the house and several caravans at the camp site round the corner.

We had to give up communal meals as too many of us and just have a couple of meals out all together. The GCs look forward to hol w cousins as they don't see much of each other during the year. Families can swap children or just go off for a morning and leave theirs with other people - constant state of flux. And any family can withdraw to their own space.

I go twice a year with my family at October half term and at Easter. We rent a house in France with enough bedrooms to all have our own and two bathrooms so not all scrabbling in the mornings. There is my oldest daughter and her husband and two children my youngest daughter sometimes on her own and sometimes with her partner. Her partner travels all over the world with her job so not always available. We take two cars so have lots of space to take the children's bikes / scooters and able to fill the car up at the end with wine and nice stuff from the French supermarket. We all eat together mucking in with the cooking and sometimes do things together and sometimes not. We take turns to pay for things and sort it all out fairly when we get home. It's worked well and we all enjoy it. The girls then have a holiday somewhere hotter in August without me ( I can't stand the heat now I'm older) and I have a hOliday with a friend on my own as well. It's great and I'm so happy to be asked.

A few year ago I went away with my mam. Things went well during the day but on the first night I awoke with a start and with a smarting pain across my face. Mam had reached out and 'accidentally' smacked me in the face because I 'was breathing to loudly'. I did point out that I have to breathe.

18 of us holidayed in a big house with pool in France this year. The kids had a whale of a time, and cooking was on a rota in couples, it was like Come Dine With Me every night. We really ate and drank well! We had a fantastic time.

Having talked to friends about this subject, they are divided, some say it was great, others it was fine if you all decide before you go who will do what to help out, and others say it was dreadful, with themselves being left to look after everyone and do all the cooking! Maybe ground rules is the way to go?

I've had lovely caravan holidays, mainly in Provence, with my DS1 and his family. The two children had 'pup' tents just outside the awning. Everything was very relaxed and DS did all the cooking because he's a trained chef and won't let anyone else do it! They looked after me very well and I spent many a happy hour with DiL beside the pool, watching the kids' and their dad's antics! Sadly, the caravan has been sold and they have been under canvas this year - a step too far for granny!

We have done it several times but always try and get a cottage or house that is larger than our needs and has outside play/ seating areas. We often split up during the day and come together for dinner in the evening so that we all get a bit of space.

We're off to the East coast soon with the family. DH and I, our three and their partners, DDIL's parents, and the DGS - two 2 year olds and the baby, who's 5 months old. I'm looking forward to it so much. We haven't all gone away together till now. We've booked a massive "cottage" with its own grounds and loads of facilities. Plenty to do there and nearby, including beaches. Our original plans were to go to Italy, but I'm glad now that we kept it simpler. Maybe when the boys are older. I'm getting some good pointers from this thread!

Thankfully we started the tradition of holidaying with my husband's parents and grandparents straight after we were married and this has carried on every year since in one way or another. Until last year we all holidayed together in self-catered houses that firstly my parents in law instigated and then I took over organising. Now, with our adult children all at different life stages it's getting harder to manage in the summer, so we all had Christmas together last year. Next week we're off to Greece and will be joined by our younger son and his girlfriend and then in October we've hired a cottage and will be joined by our older son and his wife - and hopefully my parents in law/younger son. Unfortunately both sons' partners are teachers so it means that joint holidays will have to be booked during the most expensive times in the future. I love holidaying with all the generations together (although I usually need a holiday to recover from it) and I think it's really good for the children to be with grandparents and great grandparents. My own children have fantastic relationships with their grandparents and I'm sure it's due in a large part to having spent so much time with them on holidays.

Well, we're on our last full day and the sun is still shining here in Devon! Everybody is still speaking - that's not to say there haven't been a few 'awkward' moments but humour helps! Also there is a playroom in this property with table football and pool etc.... which is great. There is talk of doing it again next year so I think that counts as a success I have loved it and wish we had done it before but as grannyactivistsaid I will most likely need another holiday to recover ...lol!

This is a subject that's a bit raw for me right now. My GS is 4 and for his first three years my DD & DSIL invited us to spend a week with them in rented cottages in England. Although not a particularly relaxing holiday, I really enjoyed spending time with the family and it generally worked very well re cooking/eating out, sharing expenses etc; I was happy to babysit while my DD & DSIL went for early morning runs and had a night out on their own. They have other breaks away on their own too but I had thought the pattern of a week away together in a cottage in the summer might continue. It hasn't and my DD talked about their holiday this year a lot before and after so I never let on that I was sad not to be spending it with them and I'm sure she hasn't twigged that I was feeling left out.

My DH is not at all bothered about holidays and I'm sure he didn't wonder why we weren't invited this year. He can be a bit awkward (and my DD can get irritated by him) but generally, as long as he has lots of time on his own to continue with his own thing (a voluntary organisation he started), he's been ok when we've been away. He's happy to do 'family' things as long as given enough notice but, because his group is all-consuming, I have developed an active social life with friends and no longer feel any desire to have a holiday on my own with him.

I know this is a little off-topic from jogginggirl's original question but, if any of you have ever felt a little left out of family holidays, how did you deal with it? I won't likely raise it with my DD as we otherwise have a very good relationship that I don't want to jeopardise and I certainly don't want holidays to become an awkward topic in future. I have a couple of weekends away and day trips with friends planned in the next few weeks and, once everyone stops talking about their wonderful summer holidays, I hope I will have got over this sadness I've felt all summer and can just accept that things don't always stay the same.

I won't bore you with the complications of my family and extended family, cangran but I will say I share your pain totally. Always used to dream of family holidays in Cornwall continuing with grandchildren being added, but it just hasn't happened. And when various family members have holidays/breaks away with other family members it really hurts. However, I am spending next week with DS, DIL and baby granddaughter and am very excited about it. In the past, shared holidays always meant everyone doing their own thing and coming together when it suits them, and I felt it worked very well.One thing I will say is to not make assumptions and torture yourself with them. I did that the other week when there was a family get together that I wasn't included in; everything on the dreaded facebook looked far more perfect than it actually was.

cangran - did they do something different, perhaps? Different from the cottage in Cornwall. Otherwise it does seem a bit odd that they didn't broach it with you beforehand but probably felt a bit awkward about it. As Tegan said, try not to torture yourself about it. Maybe they just felt like having a holiday on their own?
I have done holidays with groups when my husband didn't want a particular kind of holiday, e.g. Natural history or other themed holidays, and walking holidays. Have a look at HF for some ideas. It sounds as though you have some nice leisure breaks with friends but guess you are just feeling a bit down about the family holidays. Give DH plenty of notice and organise a week away together. Your DD will be pleased that you are doing your own thing. We don't usually holiday with our families although I have had breaks with the DDs, just three days or so, which I found long enough.
Try not to dwell, and start looking for a nice holiday for two.
Excuse me, * jogginggirl*

Maybe it's their last holiday together before the child goes to school and they wanted it to be just the three of them? I used to have allsorts of wonderful ideas about holiday with mine until I realised that holidays were as stressful as Christmas etc.

It must all depend on how often you see DGC normally ,I think.As we see ours all the time,I don't feel the need to holiday with them, and in fact, would prefer not to.however, if I lived on my own, then maybe I would like to,not sure really.it can change the 'dynamics' of the family, all being together, so your DC revert to liking Mum to take charge of things.

My DD and her family have never shown the slightest interest in holidaying with us

We have had some lovely holidays with DD and SiL before their daughter now nearly 4 was born and since she arrived. I have to say that DH can be trying at times but they learnt to ignore and go off for the day on their own . The key is to have plenty of space and a dishwasher!
This year will be our last holiday I think as DGD starts school next summer we don't want to go away in August . But we will I hope have a short break with DD and family and DS and family . Looking for a large 5 bed roomed house in Norfolk or Dorest I think ......

It's important to have activities if it's s large shared house with lots of different ages like table tennis , a pool, board games etc we played boules, rounders, had table tennis tournaments etc, its also important to have cooking , menu creation, and clearing up rota. Because there are so many of us this year it meant we were only on the rota once a week. We all got on and are looking forward to next year. I think those who would like to have a shared holiday but are not sure if the younger ones would be up for it, why not ask them? Find a house that might suit the size of your group and show it to them? They might like the idea. Go to groupaccomodation.com or owners direct websites for ideas.