Holidaying with older children and their children......?

I meant to write a note, but I do hope your granddaughter Nell had a nice sixth birthday.

GrandmaNell I can understand how hurtful that was . It is very hard but I have developed a very stiff upper lip, although my DD's are very good and understanding, there is always the occasional time when I feel very left out and wish I had someone to share with...
(my granddaughter is Nell and she is 6 today!)

I do wish my grown up children would include me in their outings - I was widowed thirteen months ago and I do need the children and grandchildren. Whilst I know I can't encroach on their lives, just being left out is very hurtful - this is what happened over the new year with parties on and I was dumped back home in the certain knowledge that I was going to see in the new year on my own, having watched the family get dressed up and pack up the champagne and beers to take with them. They just wanted to come in to the house for the toilet and then left. They didn't trouble to see if I had a bottle of wine for the evening or any nibbles (I had, I made sure white wine was in the fridge) but it really did hurt. I did raise it with them weeks later (I'd fumed over the upset) but got a rather sharp answer. I'd been with them during the daytime on new year's eve and just delivered back home on their way to London. If I'd had someone staying with me I might have thought twice about going out. I'm not bothered about being on my own but this really did hurt.

My gs (7)lives in Poland and we see each other 5/6 times a year and use facetime to keep in touch. I have holidayed with the family lots and we all get on well but, for the first time, this year I took my gs on holiday without his parents...We had a ball!!

Grandchildren are much more fun without parents about.

As the Polish holiday starts earlier we got a good deal at an excellent all inclusive hotel in Spain(no cooking or cleaning).My fears of him missing his parents were completely unfounded and his English improved greatly over the week.

So good we are repeating it next year at his request.

Best of all worlds cangran.

Thanks for your thoughtful comments yesterday, Gransnetters, when I was feeling a bit sorry for myself for not having been asked on holiday with the family this year. This, plus remembering the reality of such holidays without the rose-tinted glassed (exhausting!) did the trick. My DD has asked if I'd like to go out for a day next week with her and my GS - a day out with a 4 year old, then back home to peace & quiet is ideal!

I am on holiday, at present , with DS and GC. I am totally exhausted, we are up a lane, up a track and GD2 gets car sick every time we go out.

I'm quite looking forward to next Wednesday. Home again, teacher DD back at work, and DH out all day flying his little aeroplanes.

#homealonepraisethelord. ()

As lovely as it's been - and as much as I love the little munchkins - I will be going home and looking for a short break à deux -

We love to spend time as a whole family group (2 of us + 4 adult children and associated partners + 11 grandchildren) as the kids have a whale of a time and the grownups behave themselves. Did it in 4 caravans 2 years ago and have booked a Youth Hostel for next year's summer 1/2 term. Fingers crossed it works out OK. Will have to think about rotas not done that before.

It would be no fun with Mum and Dad along. Lovely as they are.

The best plan is to holiday with the grandkids, but leave their parents at home. A spare aunt or uncle is useful for doing the effort-requiring stuff, like yelling at cajoling into bed before midnight, making sure they are reasonably cleansed occasionally, making sure they remember to do safety clips up on tree-top activities, getting the crack-of-dawner's breakfast, etc. etc.

Apart from that, all normal rules go out the windows. And the folks back home are none the wiser.

It's important to have activities if it's s large shared house with lots of different ages like table tennis , a pool, board games etc we played boules, rounders, had table tennis tournaments etc, its also important to have cooking , menu creation, and clearing up rota. Because there are so many of us this year it meant we were only on the rota once a week. We all got on and are looking forward to next year. I think those who would like to have a shared holiday but are not sure if the younger ones would be up for it, why not ask them? Find a house that might suit the size of your group and show it to them? They might like the idea. Go to groupaccomodation.com or owners direct websites for ideas.

We have had some lovely holidays with DD and SiL before their daughter now nearly 4 was born and since she arrived. I have to say that DH can be trying at times but they learnt to ignore and go off for the day on their own . The key is to have plenty of space and a dishwasher!
This year will be our last holiday I think as DGD starts school next summer we don't want to go away in August . But we will I hope have a short break with DD and family and DS and family . Looking for a large 5 bed roomed house in Norfolk or Dorest I think ......

My DD and her family have never shown the slightest interest in holidaying with us

It must all depend on how often you see DGC normally ,I think.As we see ours all the time,I don't feel the need to holiday with them, and in fact, would prefer not to.however, if I lived on my own, then maybe I would like to,not sure really.it can change the 'dynamics' of the family, all being together, so your DC revert to liking Mum to take charge of things.

Maybe it's their last holiday together before the child goes to school and they wanted it to be just the three of them? I used to have allsorts of wonderful ideas about holiday with mine until I realised that holidays were as stressful as Christmas etc.

cangran - did they do something different, perhaps? Different from the cottage in Cornwall. Otherwise it does seem a bit odd that they didn't broach it with you beforehand but probably felt a bit awkward about it. As Tegan said, try not to torture yourself about it. Maybe they just felt like having a holiday on their own?
I have done holidays with groups when my husband didn't want a particular kind of holiday, e.g. Natural history or other themed holidays, and walking holidays. Have a look at HF for some ideas. It sounds as though you have some nice leisure breaks with friends but guess you are just feeling a bit down about the family holidays. Give DH plenty of notice and organise a week away together. Your DD will be pleased that you are doing your own thing. We don't usually holiday with our families although I have had breaks with the DDs, just three days or so, which I found long enough.
Try not to dwell, and start looking for a nice holiday for two.
Excuse me, * jogginggirl*

I won't bore you with the complications of my family and extended family, cangran but I will say I share your pain totally. Always used to dream of family holidays in Cornwall continuing with grandchildren being added, but it just hasn't happened. And when various family members have holidays/breaks away with other family members it really hurts. However, I am spending next week with DS, DIL and baby granddaughter and am very excited about it. In the past, shared holidays always meant everyone doing their own thing and coming together when it suits them, and I felt it worked very well.One thing I will say is to not make assumptions and torture yourself with them. I did that the other week when there was a family get together that I wasn't included in; everything on the dreaded facebook looked far more perfect than it actually was.

This is a subject that's a bit raw for me right now. My GS is 4 and for his first three years my DD & DSIL invited us to spend a week with them in rented cottages in England. Although not a particularly relaxing holiday, I really enjoyed spending time with the family and it generally worked very well re cooking/eating out, sharing expenses etc; I was happy to babysit while my DD & DSIL went for early morning runs and had a night out on their own. They have other breaks away on their own too but I had thought the pattern of a week away together in a cottage in the summer might continue. It hasn't and my DD talked about their holiday this year a lot before and after so I never let on that I was sad not to be spending it with them and I'm sure she hasn't twigged that I was feeling left out.

My DH is not at all bothered about holidays and I'm sure he didn't wonder why we weren't invited this year. He can be a bit awkward (and my DD can get irritated by him) but generally, as long as he has lots of time on his own to continue with his own thing (a voluntary organisation he started), he's been ok when we've been away. He's happy to do 'family' things as long as given enough notice but, because his group is all-consuming, I have developed an active social life with friends and no longer feel any desire to have a holiday on my own with him.

I know this is a little off-topic from jogginggirl's original question but, if any of you have ever felt a little left out of family holidays, how did you deal with it? I won't likely raise it with my DD as we otherwise have a very good relationship that I don't want to jeopardise and I certainly don't want holidays to become an awkward topic in future. I have a couple of weekends away and day trips with friends planned in the next few weeks and, once everyone stops talking about their wonderful summer holidays, I hope I will have got over this sadness I've felt all summer and can just accept that things don't always stay the same.

Well, we're on our last full day and the sun is still shining here in Devon! Everybody is still speaking - that's not to say there haven't been a few 'awkward' moments but humour helps! Also there is a playroom in this property with table football and pool etc.... which is great. There is talk of doing it again next year so I think that counts as a success I have loved it and wish we had done it before but as grannyactivistsaid I will most likely need another holiday to recover ...lol!

Thankfully we started the tradition of holidaying with my husband's parents and grandparents straight after we were married and this has carried on every year since in one way or another. Until last year we all holidayed together in self-catered houses that firstly my parents in law instigated and then I took over organising. Now, with our adult children all at different life stages it's getting harder to manage in the summer, so we all had Christmas together last year. Next week we're off to Greece and will be joined by our younger son and his girlfriend and then in October we've hired a cottage and will be joined by our older son and his wife - and hopefully my parents in law/younger son. Unfortunately both sons' partners are teachers so it means that joint holidays will have to be booked during the most expensive times in the future. I love holidaying with all the generations together (although I usually need a holiday to recover from it) and I think it's really good for the children to be with grandparents and great grandparents. My own children have fantastic relationships with their grandparents and I'm sure it's due in a large part to having spent so much time with them on holidays.

We're off to the East coast soon with the family. DH and I, our three and their partners, DDIL's parents, and the DGS - two 2 year olds and the baby, who's 5 months old. I'm looking forward to it so much. We haven't all gone away together till now. We've booked a massive "cottage" with its own grounds and loads of facilities. Plenty to do there and nearby, including beaches. Our original plans were to go to Italy, but I'm glad now that we kept it simpler. Maybe when the boys are older. I'm getting some good pointers from this thread!

We have done it several times but always try and get a cottage or house that is larger than our needs and has outside play/ seating areas. We often split up during the day and come together for dinner in the evening so that we all get a bit of space.

I've had lovely caravan holidays, mainly in Provence, with my DS1 and his family. The two children had 'pup' tents just outside the awning. Everything was very relaxed and DS did all the cooking because he's a trained chef and won't let anyone else do it! They looked after me very well and I spent many a happy hour with DiL beside the pool, watching the kids' and their dad's antics! Sadly, the caravan has been sold and they have been under canvas this year - a step too far for granny!