Any tips for coping with getting older?

That's good, Tegan. Nice to be invited. Hope you had a lovely time.

Does starting to feel that you'd like a bungalow count and one of the symptoms of feeling older?

One has come up for sale 3 doors from ourselves but dh is so settled and would be hard to convince. I think the thought of clearing out the garage has a lot to do with it....

DSS yesterday was talking about this said bungalow... I mentioned I liked it and had thought about it but hadn't got around to mentioning it, and that his dad would feel we are perfectly ok as we are. DH was not in the room at the time.

When DH appeared
DSS said, hey dad.. what about that bad knee of yours, don't you fancy that bungalow.
DH..... ahh.. we're all right where we are.
DSS.... Yeah but if you don't get that knee sorted out I'm thinking you won't have much of a view from your bed when it's in the dining room. (DH is only 61).
DH... very funny !
DDIL... I'm more concerned about the bucket that will be in the corner for toilet purposes (their sense of humour)
DH.... you're all so funny.
DSS... We could always put shower curtains in the porch and make it into a wet room for you.
DH.... we can't afford to spend the extra money for a bungalow.
DSS.... We've told you before, spend your money, move now while you're fit to enjoy it.

Now this banter told me a lot, DSS cares about us, he wants us to be physically comfortable. He is not waiting on us popping our clogs so he can get a windfall. It showed me that DDIL was also supportive, being jokey but helping to make a point that we should think of the future. Being jokey about us befoming infirm while we could take the joke, rather than trying to deal with it when we are possibly infirm and don't think it's funny.

Not that we do think anything about infirmity is funny at any time, but it was DSS's way of saying we should think about things, and also he was supporting me (his stepmother) which was nice. He's a good lad. He is very good at bringing up my rear and giving his dad a push where necessary, before I have a need to 'nag'.

We have 4 boys between us and I count my blessings that we have a good relationship with each of them.
I dread the time when we are dependent, we are also 'copers''.

I think we ourselves have gradually removed ourselves a little and thus are easing ourself into a different family category. No longer going to the New Year's Eve party, or leaving at 11pm. We used to have a 'gathering/party' every Boxing Day, all welcome, family during the day and joined by friends in the evening. Gradually the younger generation are having us and we go home about 8pm.
They ask us to join them on day outings and make the arrangements,

On the one hand I enjoy being taken care of on occasion - on the other hand I know that I am still perfectly able to take care of myself (I'm 66), as is my husband.

Oh dear what a ramble, I got started and forgot to stop.

and for those who made it to the end

I've read it Coolgran! I'm sort of tempted [won't do it though] to ask my DD where I actually fit into their lives these days ie am I just regarded as a potential problem in a few years time or do they still sort of like me being around? I'm also tempted to arrange to go away next Christmas so as to avoid the embarrassment of having nowhere family wise to go to but can't bear the thought of putting the dog into kennels . What is missing from our life is having any sort of social life, and it's difficult to make friends as you get older.

Tegan I agree that it can be harder to make friends when older, especially if afraid of appearing needy.

I remember years ago, an older lady saying to me that she always walked to the local shop every day. It meant she crossed paths with others, said hello, sometimes had a short chat and sometimes not.

I'd be reluctant to ask anyone how I fitted into their lives but that's because I wouldn't want to appear needy. However a little reassurance from some source or by way of a kind action, is always welcome

Tegan Do you have a dog? If not, could you not find some dog walking locally (if you don't want to own one). I find that I cannot fail to chat to people when out with my gorgeous doggie from young children to the older generation, everyone stops for a chat and a cuddle ( they chat to me and cuddle the dog, although I am up for cuddles too! ).

I do only get her out however when I am feeling able to. I am only 50 but due to health problems, struggle at times to even get to the kitchen (and the government want me to work!) I have only managed today to plant 16 sweet pea plants before having to give up. It is so infuriating and if I could work, I would be there like a shot out of a gun. To have to have enforced rest is mind numbingly boring. But it has to be done.

I need to go out and find new friends but to do so while depressed and feeling socially awkward most of the time is really difficult. I do feel older than my years, because of how I am. I need some jump leads and a 25 year old to attach them to!

We had the whole growing older thing sussed out. We had made an agreement that we would help us each other as we grew older. We went on short holidays in the UK went on bus trips, were grandparents together and were quietly happy - and then my DH fell ill and died within the space of little more than two months.

I had to pick myself up and start all over again at 65. I'm 68 now and still struggle every day. I do feel cheated and also worried about advancing old age.

Keeping busy is a solution. I've joined the TWG, the local Mothers' Union and a knit and natter group . I've also recently volunteered with the RVS and waiting to hear if there's anything I can do to help in the community. Other widows who have survived illness alone are an inspiration to me.

My attitude to life now is basically wtf happened. Acceptance of growing old and being alone sounds grim but it's better than being bitter which I have seen happen to other widows and widowers. I don't like my new life much but it is a life and I am surviving.

I keep interested in fashion and current affairs and help out with babysitting, buy little treats for myself and try to eat well and walk every day. Grans net has been a real help and has kept my going through many dark days, also Fb and buying myself and fixing up a tablet. My sons were impressed.

Well said Falconbird particulary,"keeping busy is a solution." I heard a quote once roughly saying, "life is 10% what happens and 90% how you deal with it," which I believe is true.
I have been on my own for 8 or 9 years, left a husband in Spain 6 years ago and have no idea where he is now. My two sons from a first marriage live abroad, so I rarely see them and obviously they cannot offer any support. I moved here 6 years ago having only one friend in the area but now I am happy to say, I cannot walk down the high street without meeting two or three of my new friends. This is because, like you, I joined as many activities as I felt able to participate in, and I haven't looked back.
Of course, I am concerned about what will happen as I get older and possibly infirm, but it doesn't do to dwell on that, the worse thing is to sit moping and feeling sorry for yourself. I volunteer in a charity shop as one of my activities and enjoy nothing better than the interaction that brings with the lovely customers. Lots of other things too, including online courses which provide an ongoing challenge which I think is important, the garden, keep fit, walking group, they all bring their rewards.
So there is hope in old age if you make the effort, it is up to, you, no one will do it for you, and very proud you will be in your independence and achievements.
Blimey, this is the longest post I have ever written, I will get off my soap box now.

thks cazthebookworm - you've done EVER so well. I had to move about five miles away from my home but I did know a few people because I worked in the area for twenty years.

As you say it's very rewarding to go out and have a few people say hello or smile and nod.

I love your quote life is 10% what happens and 90% how you deal with it.

Falconbird you are an inspiration! Sounds like more than surviving to me - you are rebuilding your life and providing your children and grandchildren with an excellent role model.
There's no point in worrying about advancing old age - I have lost 2 friends so far this year, one a lot younger, the other just 3 years older (I'm 64) and I have been compelled to buck up and be grateful for every day. I've tried to stop worrying and do more yoga!
One day my daughter will be as old as I am now (I fervently hope) and inevitably she will think of me - so what do I want her to remember? Love and fun and laughter and strength under pressure. I have already lived 4 years longer than my own mother - why not enjoy this as much as I can? We spend our lives wanting to be proud of our children - I hope my children are proud of me one day.
Enough guff! Must clear the dishes........

Tegan You have had a phone call from your son to see them at the pub, and emailing you a new photo, so you know that he still wants your company. Instead of putting DD on the spot asking where you fit in her life, the indirect approach is to mention next time you see/speak to her how much you enjoyed that pub visit, and how about her meeting you for a pub lunch some time? Suggest a date there and then. Between then and the pub lunch, stack up some experiences to tell her about over the meal.

I know exactly what you mean about worrying - or at least trying not to. I also lost two friends in a year around the same time as my Dh passed away. All three of them were about the same age, middle to late sixties. I often wonder why I'm still standing - but I am, wobbling about on some days

I share my birthday with Gransnet but I am 61 years older (i.e. 65 today). I have looked after a three-year-old throughout the day, doing pretty much all the things that I did when absentdaughter was three years old, and then entertained three other grandchildren after school, s well as having a lengthy cuddle with the newborn. In addition, I have made and iced a carrot cake to take to my language class this evening for a little celebration during our coffee break – and worked extremely hard during the class. I have received lovely home-made birthday cards and some jolly presents. Frankly, I always reckon that the next year will be even better than the one that has gone before – and I'm looking forward to it.

Happy birthday Absent, though, by my calculations, it will be almost over now!

I'm having a post-class glass (or two) of wine while I catch up with Gransnet. I may even get round to having something to eat – I didn't have any of the birthday cake and haven't had any supper. I am neither fat nor a lady, but I haven't heard one sing yet. However, we id spend the last half hour of my class singing waiata, which would be hard for my gin-sodden vocal chords at any time, but our teacher pitches serious soprano. Thanks for the good wishes.

Thank you to those who commented on my doubts about Statins.
Your opinions are exactly why I am very doubtful about taking them.
I think instead I will continue with those margerines/yogurts etc. which contain natural plant statins, and buy some other natural products which I have seen advertised.
Thanks girls.

Late to this thread. I was diagnosed with high cholesterol, tried reducing my butter intake and converted to Benecol, was amazed how much my level came down in a few weeks, but my Dr. wanted it lower and put me on Simvastatin. I have taken it for some years now and find no side effects that I am aware of and I don't really bother about my diet now.

I will be 66 this year. The pluses are - I don't get any aches and pains, I can run for the bus, I'm only slightly overweight (maybe half a stone), I am only on medication for high blood pressure, but have been on this for over 10 years. My DH had cancer last year but is making a good recovery We have some lovely holidays, in the UK and abroad. We are OK financially and have no mortgage. I have a lovely family.

The minuses - losing all my hair 5 years ago as whinged about many times on GN (but I have a lovely hair system now and no one would know). My DH's cancer last year was horrendous. I do feel marginalised from my DD's life, as Tegan says above, I am contacted when they need help. I thought my DD and myself were close, so it has come as a bit of a shock. I have worried and stressed over this, upsetting my DH when I threaten to 'say something to her' as he is afraid of us losing contact. I have decided that I won't. I will just get on with my own life and she can come in and out when she chooses. You can't make anyone do what they don't want to do. I have very low self esteem, so I think I take everything too personally when it is not meant. I have also decided that I am OK. I am a decent, kind person who has had some horrible knocks in life and I've picked myself up and got on with it, so I'm going to give myself a break in my later years and look after me and DH.

I do think that people treat you how you let them treat you, and I have low esteem as well. DD's eyes have a way of glazing over when I talk about a lot of things. I'm having a lot of work done on my house soon, which I hope will make people look on me differently ie mums dumping ground of a house is going to become one that has to be respected more. I sometimes say that I'm not going to be there at the drop of a hat when needed but when I am I'm straight there. I don't mind that really; it's what mums are for...it's just the being thought of as boring that gets to me [believe it or not I don't actually spend all my time whingeing in the real world..it's just that, on here I know pople can switch me off if needed!!]

I think we all have to face up to being marginalised in our childrens lives to some extent. DH is beginning to feel like that now that our grandson is getting older and busier, and whereas when he was younger, we used to be included in family outings, eating out, etc., now they tend to go with friends who have children the same age. This is perfectly normal as far as I'm concerned; better for GS and his parents, but my husband is not all that happy about it, although he doesn't say much. He muttered something recently about having to book in advance to go out for a walk with them! We talked about this when GS was small and I said the day would come. We still pick him up from school two days a week, but unless they come for Sunday lunch, we don't expect to see a lot of them. (He'll have to get used to it because in a few years time we won't even be needed to pick him up from school). I know if we need them they'll be there, and vice versa, but I don't want us to clutter up their lives into our old age.

I don't mind being there at the drop of a hat either Tegan. I would do anything for them. It's just a shame that my DD doesn't include me in much, but her friends mums (and now her mother-in-law, who has treated her appallingly in the past) are all included. It would be nice if she said 'mum would you like to come over for a cup of tea/chat/lunch, just you and me' but I realise it's never going to happen so I'm letting it lie. When I suggest it to her she is usually busy. It is what it is. I'm not going to stress over it any more.

Tegan - it made me that you feel that having work on your house will make people see you differently. It shouldn't make any difference but I know what you mean. I have tried everything to make my DD as impressed with me as she is with her friend's mum but it hasn't worked. Anyway, onwards and upwards

My tip, stay away from doctors !. Needed a replacement inhaler, so went to see the nurse, she wanted to do some tets to see if I was on the correct one. Had test today, now I have to have chest x-ray, then see doctor to see why I have an obstruction (I was not aware I had an obstruction) DOH!

@ bogoff

Spot on.

I went to get a shingles vaccination. Have had it and its not on my wish list at all
Nurse 'You dont have a flu vaccine'

'Im not here in the winter'

'You could catch the germs on the plane'

I think blood tests equate as money spinners for the practice.

My GP long time ago allied GPs as small businesses. Tell the punters you need xyz test to pump money into the practice.

However as many of you here will concur, if you need good specialist treatment it is available, and FREE

The 60's is definitely a time of realising that 'old age' is looming.I think many of us are decades behind in our minds but the body tells us otherwise.I am lucky to be fairly fit and have an active life but I live alone and my only son lives abroad. No problem at all now, flights are reasonable and FaceTime and Facebook keep us in touch almost daily.He laughs at my life of dogs and horse and On my visits there I am always included in any activity( if my 7year old grandson can do it so can I)off roading ,quad biking,kayaking,swimming and later this year a tree walk on ropes!!!
Great, but in your sixties you are aware that active life cannot continue forever and then what...I have no family here and do worry what will happen in the future. I should downsize but am the queen of procrastination and that it such a biggy.What if my health fails?
In fact looking ahead can be depressing if I allow it.Most of the time I don't but on a sleepless night ????

I cope by ignoring it.
I go for a short run everyday and I aim to walk 10000 steps a day.
I volunteer for lots of things, I join lots of things, I keep my mind active.
I realise that it can't last forever but I will worry about that later.
I am determined to keep off medication- all old people seem to rattle with pills!