Any tips for coping with getting older?

Well we are now halfway through our week of looking after our 2 GC and surviving not too badly. Although it has been literally non stop for the both of us. We sat (flopped) down last night in front of the telly and within 5 minutes DH was snoring his head off! So we decided to call it a day and were both in bed at 8!. I think we had forgotten how exhausting it is looking after children all day. The 6 month old baby is a dream but obviously needs constant changing and feeding. The 4 year old is a little more demanding to say the least and needs to be kept occupied all the time.

We went for an outing today to a local café with an outdoor playground and it was like a military operation the amount of stuff we had to take with us. I have no idea how some older women who have babies later in life by IVF manage to cope. I wish I had half the amount of energy that I had 20 years ago.

Thanks KatyK having my friends on here keep me sane, so thank you to all.

Oh ruby. That's awful about the wedding. You have a lot to put up with.

Hugs to you Tegan. Thank you for your kind words KatyK and for the flowers too, they made me happy. No one on here whinges, what we can cope with one day we can't on another.

My daughter has banned me from her wedding this September because she told me that I wasn't taking any part in it and I got upset so she said not to go at all. I am not doing. Not just because of this but other things too. But after being a single parent for most of her life and a single granny to her sons, she doesn't see her dad and his parents are dead, then I feel that I should have had some part in her wedding, not even a speech or walking her in to the venue, nothing. They can be hurtful at times.

My son has just screamed at me again awful words after a conversation about him going seeing a Think Positive counsellor. The counsellor has discharged him after one session. Terrible. My son is screaming inside because of his dad abandoning him but I am the one who cops out because of it.

I spoke to my mum who is bedridden today. I am seeing my dad tomorrow who has dementia as a solicitor is coming to sort out the lasting power of attorney and his will. The black dog will not be far away if I do not do something about taking all this stress on.

That is why I say that we have to think for ourselves, to look after ourselves and to do small things that make a difference to us. Watching Corrie cheered me up today. Having a salad will cheer me up tomorrow. I've lost 4lb this week, so only another 5 stone to go!

I am going to go to Dunelm Mill on Saturday and buy another teddy bear throw but in a bigger size this time so that I can cuddle right up into it as my doggie has claimed the smaller one. They are gorgeous and fluffy and snuggly. So that is a small treat to look forward to and it will get me out of the house on a day that my -darling- son is at home. Oh, he also said that the world is black and white and there is no grey in any aspect of our lives. According to him everything can be sorted one way or the other. The voice of a teenager while he knows everything!

Same here. I sometimes have fantasies about running away from home, but I can't cause of the dog. I sound such a misery don't I . This weather doesn't help; plus the masses of weight I've put on and the fact that I can't get out of the house much because of moving stuff around so the carpet fitter has a floor to fit the carpets on. I need some sun and exercise!

I remember that now, Tegan. A very poor second-best. . What is it about us that we must always look for approval? First of all, it was from our parents and now it's from our children. I really only get to see DS and his partner when I go along on alternate Fridays and Sundays to pick up and take back her little boys to their father who lives a few miles away. If I didn't do that, I don't think I'd have much excuse/reason to visit! As I mentioned before, this doesn't bother me too much, really. I think I've developed a thick skin.
However, I do find myself getting annoyed, and vow I'm not going to remain so available..... then the phone rings, or I get a text.....'Mum....could you....?' And I do....

No; it was a telephone conversation and they were telling me how everyone was going to have a meal at a pub and then go on to a country park that was all lit up for Christmas and I burst into tears and said I felt that I was somehow paying for the failure of my marriage. That's when I was told that I could go and watch television with them on Christmas afternoon if I wanted to.

Were you able to say it at the time though, Tegan - for example, they were chatting about their plans to meet up and spend time with A and B family members - did you feel able to say, "Oh, that sounds nice - can I join you?"

I did, just before Christmas .

Perhaps you should tell them that when they talk about family things in which you're not included, you feel left out. Not easy, I know, but it does sound as if they are being a bit insensitive and need to know.

It really gets to me when they talk [in front of me]about things that they are going to do with other members of the family, as well; as if they don't realise that I'd like to be included.

Tegan, I can identify with the 'cluttering up of their lives', I think. It does so depend on how we can shrug these feelings off, though - and IF we can.
We (DH and I) have never been invited to our DC's for meals or been invited out with them, either. It just never seems to occur to them that we may just really love to do something like that (the sort of things other families do). I'm really quite envious of those who are included in family gatherings, or who have their DC's just drop by. However, it's just how it is. Maybe I've brought them up this way. It doesn't really upset me, but as far as DS is concerned, I would really like it, if sometimes he just messaged to see how we are (without there being an ulterior motive, anyway....)!

But, Greyduster, it sums up EXACTLY how I feel therefore I'm glad you said it.

I think I was the one who instigated the phrase "cluttering up their lives" and to be honest after I had posted it I thought how horrified my children would be that I would think like that, so I'm not surprised you found it shocking Tegan and I wish I hadn't used it.

Throw it away if you feel it would help, Tegan. I can imagine the lump it brought to your throat seeing it. You brought up two lucky little children who were much loved and you were always there for them. Now they've grown up and are presumably happy in their own circle of friends. Thats good and it means you've done a good job. They often strike out and do their own thing. You have what sounds like a good relationship with your SO, and you are already planning his birthday - update us later! Sometimes we do feel sad with the turn our children take and we would like them/ things to be different but they're not and we can't alter that. My GCs are are little, 3, 2 and 1. My DDs left it late and at 75 and 82 we don't have the energy we once had. So I sont yet get to play computer games with them, but can understand they don't have a huge attention span and if your grandson got bored that's par for the course. My 2 y.o. grandson just toddles off in midstream if he gets bored with my reading. Not too flattering.
And yes, the adult children don't really want to know the ins and outs of our lives so I often don't bother trying. Please don't worry overly about her group of friends. Do something with SO after his birthday, and tbh I'm sure you will find something at the U3A that might interest you. Or go together if just to the talks. Give it another go! I'd be tempted to chuck the bit of paper too! Best wishes x

Get out of bed...smile...and go with the flow.

Just doing some tidying up and came across two bits of paper telling me the results of my pregnancy test being positive, which has left me in bits. Why is all this getting to me now, after all these years? I'm beginning to wish that I wasn't the sort of person that kept everything; I thought at the time it would make me happy but it just makes me sad [and I can't bring myself to throw it away].

lol anno same thing here, GS is 8, we played a game Monday "Wheres Wally" he too is a very bad looser, his fav game is a box of Tiddly winks that I bought for about a £1.

My two youngest GSs have I-pads but also love playing board games. The younger one (7) is a poor loser and has been known to sweep the whole board onto the floor but no doubt he will mature.

Well ruby's advice above is sound advice. I am going to think about me and my DH a bit more as I said above. I have also started helping out in a primary school one afternoon a week, helping little ones with their reading who don't get much help at home. It's lovely. They tell me about their lives and little troubles. I have also helped out on a couple of school trips. I am guilty of sitting about feeling sorry for myself since I retired. I am fit and healthy and realised that there are a lot of people out there who need help.

...I keep thinking of that phrase 'cluttering up their lives'. At first, reading it I found it a bit shocking but the more I do think about it the more it sums up exactly how I'm feeling about my relationship with my family these days.

I find that the boys are now only interested in computer games etc and I find it hard to get them interested on other things..in fact, if I try they'll say 'I'm bored now, granny', so I've all but given up.

I do agree that keeping busy is part of the answer and also trying to do as much as you can for others. We love walking and I really love gardening and travelling and seeing stately homes and the like. I think this is also part of the problem here in Oz where we are that we can't really do any of these things for various reasons. I also quite fancy U3a but it's difficult to get to meetings here due to distance. Thus our dilemma whether to try and do something for ourselves or stick close to the children and grand children.

Interesting to see that others also feel that their children don't take them seriously, and I can tell that their attention drifts sometimes when we are talking to them, although we are being trusted to take care of the 2 kids for a week while DD and SIL have a much needed break. DH says they keep us young but we are finding it a bit exhausting to be honest and I thought I would be able to cope better but don't really want to admit it in case they think we can't cope at all. I think the young ones forget that we are getting older and expect us to be able to do the same things we could 10 years ago!

I hereby resolve to fight my 'bugger'

whitewave I fight that "bugger" every day. It's so tiring but great when you win a round.