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20 month old granddaughter doesn't like me!

(86 Posts)
Danericbob Thu 22-Jan-15 15:46:26

Really, whenever I hold her she hits me. She won't kiss or hug me. She'll let me take care of her first thing in the morning since I stay over (as they live far away). I can change, dress, feed her but as soon as her parents are awake or her other grandparents are on the scene she won't even look at me...hits me and pushes me away. Frankly, I'm going to therapy as I can't deal with this. Of course I'm the mother of the Dad and they are much closer to my daughter in laws parents. Her and her infant sister are my only grandchildren and the loves of my live.nit really is devastating for me. Any suggestions?

rosesarered Fri 23-Jan-15 22:42:30

Stop 'taking care of them' and allow them to be adults.Don't try too hard with your grand-daughter.She will come around eventually.Not all kids like being kissed [ I used to hate it, as I feared the lipstick sticking to me!]
My own daughter used to scream her head off when her Daddy came home from work [what a reception for him] but that phase soon passed.
The thing is, we all want our grand-children to feel the same love for us as we do for them, but it won't happen, not until they are teenagers at least.

Tegan Fri 23-Jan-15 23:18:52

It really hurts, though when members of a family are treated differently, and you're the one that feels under appreciated. I know sometimes grandparents do turn it into a popularity contest but it isn't always the case.

soontobe Sat 24-Jan-15 10:21:25

The situation is going to change after february.
Then hopefully you can be more a grandma and less a nanny.
Perhaps your grandchild has got confused about who you really are.

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 24-Jan-15 11:20:52

I think that "shoes on now" thing KatyK's friend got would have really finished me off! Mine have never been quite that bad! grin

Flowerofthewest Sat 24-Jan-15 13:30:34

My dear little DGD (15 months) sat on my lap yesterday, smiled at me then smacked me round the face, I told her NO that's naughty, she then slapped the other cheek (not hard but testing me) I sat her on the floor away from me and told her again. Ten minutes later she went to her changing table, and asked to be lifted up, I lifted her onto it she took my face in both hands and gave me five kissed on the lips. I melted, although she won't get away with smacking grandma in the future.

MrsPickle Sat 24-Jan-15 18:52:54

Yay!
My recalcitrant little g'daughter came for cuddles today. I held her and we had a little us moment.

Progress indeed.

janerowena Mon 26-Jan-15 11:51:28

I saw mine this weekend and was totally ignored! But that was fine by me - I had more time to talk to DD. The other grandma is in charge of DGD three days a week, so is the 'alternative Mummy'. I am, I think, the equivalent of a good friend of Mummy's. She won't understand the relationship until she is older, her brother does and is fine but then he is six. Other Grandma had DGD clinging to her all weekend like a little monkey as she didn't feel well from a bad cold. Other Grandma couldn't eat or do anything on her own, she was preferred even to DD, and I was more than happy with that! Much as I love them, I do prefer to take them out and do fun things than sit and babysit all day. I would hate it. I manage maybe an hour a day when they stay with me of full-on game playing. I like to teach them how to do things. But I quite like it when they are entertaining themselves and leaving me alone.

I think Other Grandma is a saint. I love her to bits for helping DD so much, and like her very much.

Tegan Mon 26-Jan-15 12:14:03

My daughter had to go away this weekend. It's the first time she's stayed away overnight since the eldest was a baby so neither of the children had been in that situation before. I nearly offered to have them here for a few hours or go over and give my SIL a bit of a break but then thought that they'd associate me with mummy being away and somehow subconsiously blame me in some way because I always seem to be the one that's with them when they really want mum or dad there.

janerowena Mon 26-Jan-15 13:07:14

DD has just messaged me to say that I may have been ignored all weekend, but DGD did a drawing of me at playschool. So the thought was there. grin

Falconbird Tue 27-Jan-15 09:21:56

It took a long time for my GD to like me.

She would actually scream when she saw me - but now she's my little sweetie pie, age nearly 4 and loves Nan, nan's house and everything about nan.

I took it slowly, tried not to get upset etc., It was so bad at one point that when I picked her up from Nursery when she was about 18 months old she screamed and screamed. The Nursery nurses were surprised and I had to say
"She is my grand daughter honestly."

My DH and I felt like Child Snatchers.

Now we are the best of friends and she dances with joy when she sees me.
sunshine