Husband sectioned

Good post Elegran

I'm getting a headache thinking about that kitchen

I assure you that was just a hypothetical colour scheme,*nina*. i would get a headache too!

I hope your appointment went well this afternoon posie and things are now a bit clearer. Not much that I can add that hasn't already been said.

It is natural to feel confused and mixed-up when your life changes in such a drastic way - everything that was familiar has now changed but that may just turn out to have changed for the better, for everyone including your husband if he can live with people who are better able to cope with his illness. You have probably done a sterling job these past few years but now it is time for you to recharge your batteries.

I do wish you well posie and remember that it takes time to adjust.

Oh, one other thing - living on your own can be such a boon, especially if you have undergone years of stress that are/were family related. Again, it just takes time to readjust, I would never share my home with anyone again - I love the independence too much.

I think there has been some very good advice here. I have no experience so can only agree with those who say that it is time to think of yourself and no one else. I know that is easy to say but when you have spent your life looking after a family it becomes second nature to put everyone else first and you will find it hard to think of yourself.

I am glad you shared your problem here as there are plenty of people who are knowledgeable and will help. I suspect it is the first time you have had time to think about the situation as you have been so busy dealing with it. Just get used to not having him there and refuse to have him back as I think he will only get worse.

Your time now

Posie - nothing to add except be kind to yourself.

I hope you let us know how things went Posie but I bet you've got a lot to think about

Posie what a very difficult situation. Agree with others put herself first you ca t live I. Fear no one should expect you to.

Just one other pointposie - please try and make your decisions based on what is right for you and your family and not on what others might think of you - or what you fear they might think.

You will obviously feel that you have some responsibility towards your OH, but there is more than one way of discharging that responsibility. Handing him over to the professionals is a perfectly reasonable way of doing this. There is a limit to what a spouse can do in what is a very complex illness - you would not expect to take his appendix out! - equally you should not ask yourself to be able to deal alone with his illness.

I do hope that there have been some positive outcomes from your meeting.

Well, meeting went ok I think.
They had already more or less decided that it wouldn't be safe to allow OH back home. Dr said even if they sent someone out to give him his medicine every day the same triggers were still there to potentially harm me. Basically his paranoid thoughts that I'm having affairs with every man around! Even though he's on medication Dr said he's still having those thoughts & probably still will.

He had been prescribed a anti psychotic drug nearly a year ago because of paranoia but refused to take it & removed it from his dossette box every night. I'd told the Dr this but they're was never any suggestion then that someone could come round to make sure he had it! But then as I'm typing this I've realised that would have been impossible anyway because he would still have refuse & erupted!

Saw OH afterwards & it's obvious that he has declined already, although medication will be having effect as well.
I was bit worried about how he was going to be with me & a male nurse stayed in the room. Needn't have worried as he was very calm, not agitated at all. He knows he's not at home (said he'll fix car when he gets back home) but I don't think he realises that he's in hospital.

I'm still up & down, it's all just come to a head so quickly, I can't really get my head round it all.

He's definitely in the right place at the moment, can talk non stop to nurses etc. (getting him to stop is the problem) got no worries, looked after & I'm glad about that, but also it feels like he caused all these problems & stresses then just abandoned me.

I know that's not how it was - not his fault he got Alzheimer's - just how I feel.

for both of you

I can understand that you might feel "abandoned" even if it sounds illogical.

It does sound as though the professionals recognise that being at home is not really an option at present for your OH and life is going to be full of adjustments for you. Your life has been filled to the brim with caring for him and keeping yourself safe that, even though it should be a relief, it will feel strange to start with. Some of that will be to do with simply having more time; but also you will have been running on adrenalin for a long time and your body will take some time to adjust itself to the fact that this is no longer needed.

It is a difficult time when things "come to a head" and it is clear that life changes are needed, because, as you say, the final phase seems to come in a rush.

You will adapt - truly I have seen many many people do so, but it will take a little time and you need to be kind to yourself. You need to take time to sit and relax - read, watch TV, cook etc. - and also to do some of those things that you could not do because you were a full time carer. Things will get better over time.

Good advice there from Mishap, let yourself relax and be kind to yourself for a while. Your body has been on 'red alert' for so long, it needs to 'come down'.

Such a lot of good advice here posie, particularly to decide what is best for yourself, not to rush any decisions and not to feel guilty! Hope Alz Scot can help - they were a great help to DMIL when DSFIL was declining from Alzheimers.