Are daughters better at caring for parents?.

I agree, or women are control freaks which could easily be my problem.

well in our case our daugher who we thought would always be in our lives has cut us off and we have our Son who is not in so much regular contact as she used to be but is always there for us at important times, so I guess you never know what will happen in life.

As a rule it is the daughter, and it saddens me every time I see a Mumand daughter together for what I have lost.

I think it depends on what sort of care - most people would prefer personal care to be carried out by someone of the same sex. As for the rest, I would have thought sons/daughters could do an equally good job, but I agree that it is very often regarded as being a daughter's responsibility.

My mother is very close to the end of her long life. I have two brothers who are supportive but I am the one who feeds her every lunchtime, comforts her and copes with the day to day sadness and stress. Tomorrow my elder daughter will be the one helping and supporting me as it is her day off. My younger daughter is just too far away to help but she would if she could. I have had phone calls this evening from my son and both my brothers who will visit to say their goodbyes on Sunday. DH is doing all he can to offer support as I supported him when his mother died.

It doesn't matter what sex you are. You might be the one who is doing the do (my daughter's words) or you might be the one on the end of the phone who is trying in some way to help from a distance.

merlot I want to send you the biggest {{{hug}}}

I suppose also sometimes the woman is at home and the man is working, (I know that sounds sexist, but YKWIM), so it's easier for her to do the caring on week days.

merlot it's so hard isn't it? (((hugs)))

At this moment in time I would quake in my shoes that I would be left in her care, she leavesalmost all of the childcare to me, Dh and Sil, she can very easily seem very engrossed in what she is doing and can be oblivious to whatever is going on around her, I
would hate that she could over look my needs and have Sil carryout any personal needs. She talks a good job if you see what I mean. To hear her talk to friends I wonder if she lives in the real world. Sorry that sounds like a rant

merlot
glass I understabd

merlot ((hug))

glass sometimes you need a rant, and here is a good place to have one! ((hug))

merlot at this very sad time.

glass sounds like my DD yesterday she was not on this planet for some untold reason may be the time of month ????

merlot if you're a gran, your mother must have had a long life, which is something to celebrate, so much history. I wish you a 'smile with the tears'.

To answer the question, both my chlidren would rally, I think, if they needed to look after us - probably in different ways, but they'd be there for us. The one thing I do sometimes wonder about - is how would the relationship with them change if it is was just me; or just my OH in their lives. Also timing is of the essence, we no longer live near my MIL, and now she has Alzheimers (a daughter looks after her) - we're in a different country.

Merlot sending my love and

Merlot thinking of you.

Merlot, thinking of you and your family.

I have only sons who are very caring and I'm sure they and their OHs would look after me but even if I had a daughter, I would hate to have to put the onus of caring on any of them. My parents had only daughters. We were never called upon to care for them because my mother died quite quickly of cancer and my dad died very suddenly - both only in their 70s. So neither I nor my sisters have had the experience of being carers.

I can't imagine my daughter taking on a caring roll. I think she would be good in short doses but would get very bored doing the day to day things. She once described me as "anal" for spending a Saturday afternoon sorting out the larder! Housework is very low on her priority list, although she is a wonderful ( but very messy) cook so I guess I wouldn't starve!

As my ex and I divorced when my son was 8 and his sister was 5, it was just 'us' for many years. I'm so lucky as I can rely on both of my children totally. My son has his own family now but still makes sure I'm ok. We are a terrible 'telephone family' and talk to each other most evenings - and it's not always me that makes the call I hasten to add. I have a friend, also single, who has a son the same age as mine also married but hasn't any children. She is always amazed at how often we talk and see each other. She'll go for weeks without seeing her son and he lives in the same town.

I've just had second thoughts about my DD. I was in Edinburgh during Whit half term last year and when I came back I was really I'll. I was in the house alone as OH was away golfing with our son for a few days. After getting no replies to her phone calls for 24 hours she came hammering on the door demanding I open up and when that got no reply she let herself in. She then looked after me for the next 48 hours until the fever passed, making me drink liquids and forcing medication down me.
I'd forgotten that and I'd never have suspected she'd be so caring

My mother in law outlived by wife by 2 years.and I did do some caring for her. My daughters got involved as well but she just said she did not want to go into care and wanted to be with her family.
She had some other relatives who only showed up to find out about her will.
She did visit some friends in very nice residential homes and I think she knew the residents were probably being looked after better than her.
I can remember taking her to hospital once and a lady did tell her that no son in law is interested in looking after his mother in law and I was just after her money.
As it happens her money was left to my daughters and she did tell the nurse towards the end that we had been very good at caring for her and I was the main carer.
In truth I think I did about 50% of the caring, my daughters about 50% between them.

Frank

I do a day a week volunteering in a local hospital and it's lovely to see many sons accompaning their, mostly Mothers, to appointments. I think there are many that are brilliant at practical matters but possibly, when it comes down to personal care, daughters would be more 'acceptable' I don't know - the idea being cared for gives me the shudders. I've told my children they don't have to worry - if I hit 80, I'm taking all the drugs I said no to in my youth and swilling them down with red wine as I tap my cigarette ash into the tray resting on my velvet covered recliner. I already have a toyish boy in place

sel

I really dont think you can gender personalities. Some men are responsible, caring and dependible (husband No2). The first one was none of the above. Some daughters would give of their best whilst my SIL was of no use what so ever when her father needed help. I am sure there are sons up and down the country who would also make wonderful caring folks. Its the personality and the set of circumstances that decides, not the gender.

sel yes, me too