Not wanting to pick up 10 month old granddaughter

Well I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Some people just don't like the baby stage but grow to enjoy them as the get a little older.
I find babies absolutely yummy...so we're all different. Maybe be honest and explain how you feel. Keep the contact going and you will probably find a way for the bonding to grow.

I wouldn’t worry too much. On Mumsnet you see mums complaining about relatives playing “ pass the parcel” with their babies.

I never had any interest in babies or dogs.I found looking after the grandchildren very stressful and was always worried something would happen to them Thank goodness the one time he had an accident other grandad was on call and took charge.

Just to say, you have named your GD, not always wise if someone who knows your family could potentially read it.

They should respect how you are. It's not as if you ignored the baby. As you say you interacted in your own way.

Being a grandparent these days is like walking on eggshells.
Do something "wrong "and you'll get a strong reprimand .
My mother in law made it obvious that her grabdkidsxwwre a nuisance -we still visited her and were polite .

Just ignore the criticism.
It doesn't mean that you are a bad grandma .

There’s nothing wrong with you, lots of people, men and women, are not “baby” people.

I am but my husband and DF most certainly are/were not.

Please ignore your DiL nasty comment.

How odd that someone criticises a grandparent for not touching a baby…….all too often new parents refuse to have anyone at all handling, touching, looking at, or even breathing the same air as their precious baby!
I suspect this is DIL/her mother fuelling ill feeling and creating a situation where this child’s paternal family can do no right.
I never regularly picked up my own DGC apart from nappy changing, feeding when I was babysitting or generally helping their parents out on occasion.

It just seems natural to me to pick up a baby or to be given one to hold. I don't overthink it. Maybe it just seems odd to your DiL that you don't seem to have this impulse? We're all different.

MarilynB I am just like you, I do not zoom in to pick up a baby I don’t think is right for a baby to be passed round to all and sundry. Once the baby can toddle I will wait for them to approach me. Take no notice of nasty comments .

This ^

Marilyn, don't feel guilty! Not everyone is itching to hold a baby even if it is a GC. Time will pass and the situation will change. I am a baby person but fully recognise we are all different. Enjoy your GC in whatever way makes you feel comfortable. Don't worry about this just accept.

Marilyn you have named your GD and put information which could identify you .
Oh and I’m not a baby person either , now if it was a puppy 🥰

You have nothing to feel guilty about and your DIL needs to redirect her anger elsewhere. Babies at that age can be a handful. Sometimes as we age we subconsciously get intimidated by the physicality that holding babies and toddlers can entail. It’s not a reflection on your love. Release that guilt!

What I don’t understand is why this grief is not given to the grandfathers and father who seldom hold or provide care. It’s 2026 and it’s not reasonable anymore to place women in these little boxes of expectations. We are all different and that’s okay. It’s very possible and very likely that you will bond with your grandchild as she gets older and you are really able to chat and relate.

Also, please remove any personally identifying information. The internet is not a safe place for such information.

fluttERBY123

They should respect how you are. It's not as if you ignored the baby. As you say you interacted in your own way.

I agree 100%
Parents who have "requirements" about how we interact with GC drives me nuts.
You just be you!
It's not like you ignored her.

BlessedArt

You have nothing to feel guilty about and your DIL needs to redirect her anger elsewhere. Babies at that age can be a handful. Sometimes as we age we subconsciously get intimidated by the physicality that holding babies and toddlers can entail. It’s not a reflection on your love. Release that guilt!

What I don’t understand is why this grief is not given to the grandfathers and father who seldom hold or provide care. It’s 2026 and it’s not reasonable anymore to place women in these little boxes of expectations. We are all different and that’s okay. It’s very possible and very likely that you will bond with your grandchild as she gets older and you are really able to chat and relate.

I love every word you said. Hear hear!

Well said BlessedArt

Suggest you are careful about posting details.

I can be a bit "shy " with my grandson, who's my first and that age, but lives closer. & I grew up in an extended family where there seemed to be a new baby every 6 months & I would be given them to hold (I was a tomboy & not keen)....
What I find really useful is taking him to the park with his mum, he's just old enough to enjoy swings & some of the "noisy" activities, so I'm not handling him for the sake of it but helping him physically explore & discover - it just comes naturally to pick him up then.

That's a brilliant idea valdali.