Elderly parent

It does seem that when we get old, some of us need the same care as when we were babies. Just that it's not so easy to administer. If only they would let us.....

Have you tried sponging the stains off, before you go out?
Or suggesting she puts a cardigan on top of a stained blouse, "so you won't feel a draught," or some similar acceptable reason.

No guarantees, but it might work.

It is difficult, isn't it? Latterly, I had to remind my father to take a bath, as to be honest, he smelt of old age.

Hope you keep on managing as well as you are doing.

I worked n a nursing home for a while and we had a lady much the same. It turned out she was afraid her clothes were being stolen when in fact they were being taken to be washed. So I use to tell her it was Monday and washday so would she please take her clothes and put them in the machine to be washed which she was happy to do so.

hippie
the shower is too dangerous (no handles)
could you manage with a shower stool? They have sturdy legs and grippy feet and also have handles either side which you can hold whilst lowering yourself on to the stool and use to heave yourself up again.
I used one when I had a broken ankle.
www.completecareshop.co.uk/bathing-aids/shower-stools/lightweight-shower-stool-view-large?msclkid=edbc43b307d017af5f331fb1c36d2b37&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Moo%20-%20SH%20(2M)%20-%20All%20Products%20-%20Vendably%20-%20Ranked&utm_term=4583589100132535&utm_content=Bathing%20Aids%20%3E%20Shower%20Stools%20%3E%2013274&adgroup=Bathing%20Aids%20%3E%20Shower%20Stools%20%3E%2013274&device=c&query=shower%20stool
other makes are available.
Six to eight weeks without having a shower was a no-no!

I used to sneak all MIL's clothes away to wash when she came to stay with us.
Barmeyoldbat that did happen to a relative of mine when she was in a home for convalescence recently. She never got them back.

I have been through this with my mother (now deceased) and now my mother-in-law. It is quite common, I guess, god help us when it´s myself one day. I find that the only way is to be quite firm and assertive, and matter-of-fact, I say, "let´s have your clothes then, so I can wash them". I imagine it must be quite hard for a woman who has run a home all her life, done enormous washing for her family, to suddenly find herself being told what to do by an upstart of a daughter-in-law. Be gentle, it will happen to you too.

Jalima it can be a problem in homes not just with clothes but with glasses and even teeth!

hippie
Have you looked at handles like these, with suction pads?
www.completecareshop.co.uk/bathing-aids/bathroom-grab-rails/suction-bath-grab-rail

Wow! Getting old and losing your faculties is not something to look forward to...
I simply can't imagine my children looking after me. They have jobs, families and live a very long way. away. Luckily, I can afford a carer, should that need ever arise and it's someone I know who is a marvellous, respectful man who, with his wonderful wife, have made life for his 'employers', comfortable, happy and caring to the very end.

It has just ocurred to me that this generation probably only bathed once a week when they were younger and only changed clothes once or twice a week. I wonder if this is something to do with their reluctance? Perhaps they are somehow reverting to childhood and thinking of the difficulties involved.

No, Hooty, I did buy various gadgets, such as this or a shower seat but still, my mother refused to wash for weeks on end. She told me she had but I knew she hadn't. And trisher, she was of that generation but for most of her adult life she did shower or bath daily but after she moved into the retirement home she just stopped. Still don't understand why and hope it doesn' t happen to me.

This seems to be quite common. Hope I don’t get like this either poly ?

The terribly hard thing about looking after someone with mild dementia is knowing that it will get worse. When I cared for my elderly mother people used to compare it to looking after a young child again. It is not; the child learns more and more and becomes increasingly independent over time while the old person degenerates and becomes increasingly dependent. And while that is happening, you have to cope with this total reversal of the family dynamic, becoming the adult in charge, the new matriarch.

I think that people with dementia often simply forget to wash. Any problems with stability (standing, etc) will compound the problem. Basically, even without dementia, it just gets too hard. Ideally, once the problem has been flagged up, care workers should be arranged to give the old person a shower or bath once or twice a week. Daily washing is not necessary for old people who have become less active.

Haing worked in the care sector i have seen most of these problems mentioned in this post.One of the most difficult was caring for those with learning difficulties and dementia who had dentures.Getting them to remove dentures to clean them and/or cleaning any teeth they may have had was such a mission. I know some carers gave up in the end and it always concerned me as wearing a denture myself i know how food particles can collect underneath a plate. Also this can lead to mouth infections and smelly breath. It is certainly a test of patience and i admire anyone who looks after a family member without outside help.At least doing it as a career you get to 'clock off'.

Thank you so much for all your advice and suggestions. It's good to know that I am not the only one with this problem.

Justanivice, ? You are doing a good job and thank goodness there are lovely people like you.

My mum died this year aged 95 without thankgoodness suffering from dementia. But she did shower less as she got older (once a week). We were able to talk about this. She actually preferred to do what she called "a strip wash". She had a chair next to her hand basin and sat on this as she was a bit unsteady, she had two towels (one to sit on) and basically washed her top half. She did tell me that she found showering 'exhausting' and after her shower always sat in her towelling robe for over an hour until she felt better.
I don't know if this helps. All those of you coping with dementia have all my sympathy.