Talking of weddings.....

No hard and fast rules to say a small wedding is immediate family only. Having been a long standing, now elderly, friend of an ex work mate I was invited to her daughters 2nd wedding.

Our wedding was very small, just our 3 AC each from our previous marriages, plus one partner, and a sister each as witnesses. We too had a party later for family and friends.

As the relatives in question don't invite your children to their parties, they can hardly be justified in feeling hurt at not being invited to this wedding.

If they hint to you that they are hurt, tell them you had nothing to do with sending out the invitations, if you don't want to be forthright and ask why on earth they should expect an invitation when they never invite your children?

It takes two to tango!

It’s sometimes a relief not to be invited.

judylow think of all the money saved. No it's down to the prospective Bride & Groom, they should invite the people they want to share their special day. When DH & I married (2nd for him 3rd for me) we had close family & friends at the Registry Office (limited space) & a big Party in the garden later in the day. Don't think we offended any-one.

The convention is that parents issue the invitations to a daughter's first wedding, but when it's second time around, it's up to the couple themselves. I was an exception as we were abroad at the time and issued our own invitations, largely to friends and colleagues.

When our DS got married, it was just the happy couple and two witnesses. Exactly what they wanted. We weren't at all put out, just very happy for them.

Nah... just let them get on with who they want to invite! When I got married for the first time in 1979 we decided on a small wedding which excluded lots of aunts/uncles/cousins. I wrote to each and explained I wanted to keep it small so that money saved would go towards our house. My parents felt awful but I stuck to it and I got so many positive replies about how sensible I was being. We are all still in touch. It will come and go and people will forget. Just let them be.

Traditionally a second marriage is celebrated much more quietly than a first, perhaps that is what your AC has in mind?

Re family feathers being ruffled - if your AC never sees these people and they don’t invite your AC to events, its not any skin off your AC’s nose if they take it badly, is it? If the relatives are not inviting AC to stuff then they have quite the cheek expecting to be invited to a wedding.

What a relief it was to read all your suggestions to Telly’s question. I think you’re all quite correct and that in this day and age it really doesn’t matter. I say this as I will be getting married again myself within a couple of years and simply can’t afford much having given most of my money away to my ACs for deposits for houses!

My second son recently remarried and it was a budget wedding. I thought the ceremony was lovely. I’m not too keen on lots of people or parties these days though. If I understood how to start a thread I’d ask everyone for advice on what to do. My new husband to be is quite traditional re weddings so it has to be carefully handled

I do think the ceremony ( at a registry office in our case) is the most important part.

Thanks for all the replies, will see how things pan out. Seems things are much more relaxed, in some quarters anyway!

You've given several reasons why they should not be invited and none to say they should. It's up to the Bride and Groom who they invite so not your problem.

Just go and enjoy yourself!