Talking of weddings.....

You've given several reasons why they should not be invited and none to say they should. It's up to the Bride and Groom who they invite so not your problem.

Just go and enjoy yourself!

Thanks for all the replies, will see how things pan out. Seems things are much more relaxed, in some quarters anyway!

What a relief it was to read all your suggestions to Telly’s question. I think you’re all quite correct and that in this day and age it really doesn’t matter. I say this as I will be getting married again myself within a couple of years and simply can’t afford much having given most of my money away to my ACs for deposits for houses!

My second son recently remarried and it was a budget wedding. I thought the ceremony was lovely. I’m not too keen on lots of people or parties these days though. If I understood how to start a thread I’d ask everyone for advice on what to do. My new husband to be is quite traditional re weddings so it has to be carefully handled

I do think the ceremony ( at a registry office in our case) is the most important part.

Traditionally a second marriage is celebrated much more quietly than a first, perhaps that is what your AC has in mind?

Re family feathers being ruffled - if your AC never sees these people and they don’t invite your AC to events, its not any skin off your AC’s nose if they take it badly, is it? If the relatives are not inviting AC to stuff then they have quite the cheek expecting to be invited to a wedding.

Nah... just let them get on with who they want to invite! When I got married for the first time in 1979 we decided on a small wedding which excluded lots of aunts/uncles/cousins. I wrote to each and explained I wanted to keep it small so that money saved would go towards our house. My parents felt awful but I stuck to it and I got so many positive replies about how sensible I was being. We are all still in touch. It will come and go and people will forget. Just let them be.

When our DS got married, it was just the happy couple and two witnesses. Exactly what they wanted. We weren't at all put out, just very happy for them.

The convention is that parents issue the invitations to a daughter's first wedding, but when it's second time around, it's up to the couple themselves. I was an exception as we were abroad at the time and issued our own invitations, largely to friends and colleagues.

judylow think of all the money saved. No it's down to the prospective Bride & Groom, they should invite the people they want to share their special day. When DH & I married (2nd for him 3rd for me) we had close family & friends at the Registry Office (limited space) & a big Party in the garden later in the day. Don't think we offended any-one.

It’s sometimes a relief not to be invited.

As the relatives in question don't invite your children to their parties, they can hardly be justified in feeling hurt at not being invited to this wedding.

If they hint to you that they are hurt, tell them you had nothing to do with sending out the invitations, if you don't want to be forthright and ask why on earth they should expect an invitation when they never invite your children?

It takes two to tango!

Our wedding was very small, just our 3 AC each from our previous marriages, plus one partner, and a sister each as witnesses. We too had a party later for family and friends.

No hard and fast rules to say a small wedding is immediate family only. Having been a long standing, now elderly, friend of an ex work mate I was invited to her daughters 2nd wedding.

It's their wedding and their invitation list. It's as simple as that. What other people think about who is or is not invited is not your problem. Just be glad you are invited and enjoy the wedding. ??

Small wedding means immediate family only.

None of your business who they invite, bite the bullet and enjoy the day.

annsixty that sounds good. And you were alk happy. sensible people!

When my widowed mother married a widower , both in their late 50's neither I or his D were invited.
His sister and her husband went to the registry office with them and then the 4 of them went out for lunch.
Everyone was happy.

Personally I think too much fuss is made about who gets invited to weddings of all kinds. I feel much more important to make sure the relatives get to meet the new partner in normal relaxed circumstances and get to know him/her, something that can never be done at a wedding.

I had a small second wedding ( 50's) with just family and a few close friends.. I can honestly say it was so much better then my first one which had all my parents friends/relatives at... Even my kids said what a lovely day it had been. Felt no remorse about missing out other family members and certainly won't expect an invite to every family wedding! Let them do it there way. We did have a party afterwards inviting other missed out friends maybe you could do same?

Nope not at all....they are being very sensible and if your relatives are anything like me they will be glad they never got an invite!!

We only had 26 people to our wedding (2nd time for both of us) which comprised of our mums, siblings, their partners and children, our children and their partners if they had one plus 5 friends. My mum hinted at the time that aunties would like to be invited but we turned on our selective hearing! We had the most wonderful day!

I suspect (and kinda hope?) I wouldn't be privy to the invitation list before the mailing so I wouldn't let it matter. Strange modern world in that recently I've been invited to weddings where I had totally discounted the possibility and been omitted from those where I thought I was 'in with a chance'. I'm absolutely fine with either situation though. I seem to lazily going with the flow on pretty much everything these days. Have to achieve grumpy or I'll ruin the image!

Weddings always upset someone , however it’s all about what the couple want. My Mum tried to make an issue when my 1st DS married, complaining that cousins were not invited. Gone are the days when Uncle Tom Cobbly and all are invited ! I pointed out that they had not seen the cousins for over 5 years, and as the guests were costing god knows what per head, those cousins also had partners and 3 kids each ! I asked Mum if she wanted to pay for them and she went quiet !! Next wedding, she never mentioned a thing and just accepted DD’s wishes. Most level headed people accept these days that couples want quality not quantity on their special day.

No it doesn't matter in this day and age. People understand the small wedding concept and don't expect to be invited. What would you worry about what someone might or might not feel. Some people have enough important things to worry about. Ditch the trivial things.

Our second marriage age 64. We wanted it to be just us and our five children and their partners. My brother hasn't spoken to me since as he wasn't invited. My son refused to come unless his children were invited so I invited them. ( his wife probably made him say that but thats another story!) My wedding which should have been a very happy occasion was marred. My siblings didn't even send a card. My husbands sisters were so happy for us and bought us champagne.
My point is if I had it to do over again I would tell my son fine, don't come. And if my brother doesn't speak to me that's his problem. The couple getting married should do exactly what they want. You will never please everyone. So please yourself! Be happy and enjoy the day OP. Dont spoil it for them.