Inheritance

When my DM died a few years ago we were left a sum between us & I happily shared mine with ny DS? He bought a car that would be a family car, paid off several things & saved the rest for 'baby bits'.
They could not have afforded a baby at the time if I had not shared so it was worth it to have my wonderful GS & later my equally wonderful GD.
My DS &DiL did not expect a share!

In your situation I wouldn't give anything at present, is he making a big effort with the saving for his own place? You could tell him the £25 rent is your gift to him! don't let him pressurise you he could always go out into the real world.

Agreed - if your dad had wanted it go to his GC he would have made provisions. My parents left some to both my sons and we gave them some of the money left by my in-laws but the rest has to see us through our retirement. We've helped them financially over the years and they will get it when we're gone. Your son is out of order I'm afraid.

No, this is your money. Money for your future so that you feel a bit more secure as you get "older".

Your son is paying you a pittance for his rent at the moment so I hope he really is going to move out soon. Maybe when he does you could give him a little to help him set up home. As luluaugust says - his £100 a month means you are already gifting him about at least £300 a month which is what he would have to pay anywhere else.

It might be worth considering making a loan to him for his deposit (so he can get his house sooner - that's his benefit) on the understanding it will be paid back by standing order. Actually you're subsidising him already with his rent, and once he moves out, you ought to better off financially.
Does he feel slightly resentful regarding the extra 'attention his brother gets/has always got?

Well, he'll get what's left when you die. That's how it's normally done, isn't it?

What sort of a person is he ? Is he selfish or caring ? Does he acknowledge that you are subsidising his keep and that you do lots for him ? Does he help you ? Does he waste money or is he a saver ? It’s hard to advise without all the facts, but the answer to these questions would definitely sway me one way or the other if I was in your position. With you having a disabled son, you so have to protect yourself for the future, so please think long and hard before you decide. Then have a long and honest chat to him ... good luck

The money was left to you, to do as you see fit, or need to do (e.g. to look after yourself).

If the inheritance is big, and you know you will not need it all, inheritance tax means that it could make sense to gift some of it in advance of your death (at least 7 years in advance, to your sons or anyone else you want). If you die within the 7 years though it gets added back in to your estate and taxed anyway.

obviously NO. how has he got you in this position to think he can make you feel guilty? think it is time he tested his wings and flew the nest. The money was willed to you it is in your gift. No ifs and buts stand firm. You don't want to be dependent on him and you have a disabled son to care for. Thank goodness your father gave you some financial independence.

I agree with Not Spaghetti. The money was left to you not your children for a reason; so you have something for your old age. We have done a similar thing in our will. The money will go to our children only. When they die their children will inherit from them.
I find it annoying that the next generation thinks everything is theirs by right. We never inherited anything from our parents and we had to pay for their funerals because that was the way it was.
'NO' is small word and very little used with our children. We also tend to forget that our children are adults just like us. Your son is an adult not a child who already benefits from your generosity by living cheaply, that is should be enough. If he doesn't like it he can always live somewhere else. Unfortunately reality is harsh and he has to grow up.

If i have ever had a good inheritance i would definitely give some to my children
I got some ompensation a few years ago, not a lot, but a few thousand and i gave each of my children some each, they didnt expect it, and were grateful, but i couldnt keep it all to myself, when they could use a bit extra
I think it depends on the amount you have inherited. but if it was me,yes i would give him something, and say if anything left when you die will leave him something then

A lot depends on circumstances. If this is what you need to keep yourself and your disabled son then surely if your other son is able bodied and working he shouldn't be asking.

I had a windfall from an insurance policy last year and gave my DC some of it but that was my choice and I can afford to do that.

OPs have said that your father left you the money but parents often assume that their grandchildren will benefit even if they don't specifically mention them in their wills. I think my mum assumes that anything I inherit when she dies will be shared with my children.

sorry, I should have added that that amount would get taxed if you leave an estate worth more than £375,000. Under the current inheritance tax rules you can leave up to this amount tax free.

This sounds like a lot of money, but if you own your own house, particularly in the south of the country, this can easily be more than £375,000. Fortunate for whoever inherits it...

Do what suits you, it's yourr money and the boys will benefit when you de. £25.00 all in that's a gift anyway

Do you imagine he would look after you financially if you live to a great old age and the money has long run out? If not then no. You will spend and save it far more wisely than they will and frankly your son has a cheek to ask for it.

Therese.
My opinion is no strings attached unlike another who believes you should divulge the contents of your inheritance. The money was left to you.Your generosity already enables your disabled son to save for his own home so why should you give him more. I do not believe your working son is 'entitled' only if YOU want to give him any of it. This inheritance will enable you to have a better standard of life and if you haven't made a will, which I advise you to do even more so now with this inheritance, then this will stipulate what is to be done with your assets.

Be strong. The money is yours and it sounds as though you need it.

This is your inheritance from your father and you are entitled to do with it what you wish...not what other people think you should. Your children would have been specifically named in his will if that was his wish. Unfortunately a lot of people these days think they are entitled to a share of something. You have your long term future to think of and may well need this inheritance for that purpose.

NO. It's none of his business.
Your father wanted you to have it otherwise he would have apportioned it differently.
Tell your miserly son that if there is anything left when you die, it will be divided between him and your other son.
Meanwhile, he should be paying MUCH more than £25 pw for his keep regardless of his saving for a house. I bet you do his washing and cooking and clean the house too.
He's 27 not 17 or 7.
He must stand on his own two feet.
Be firm and don't let him bully you or make you feel guilty about saying no, just say it.

SarahHW

I think you're a bit mixed up.
The OP has 2 sons.
A disabled one and a 27 yr old who lives with his mum and brother whilst saving up to buy a house.

Better not to lend money for a deposit on a house.
10-1 you wouldn't get it back. He'd cite a million reasons including that the mortgsge payments wipe him out blah blah.
You could get him to sign a legal agreement (with an independent witness) giving him an effective timescale in which to repay you and an amount you agree on but beware,
it may not be enforceable, as such agreements with family members whether written or verbal, are deemed to be domestic arrangements and courts view them differently.
I say this from experience.

You inherited this from your parent he may well inherit from his when the time comes but don't think he should have anything at the moment. Why does he feel entitled?

Tell the 27 year old to grow up! You have enough responsibilities without subsidising a fully fit adult.

Your money keep it. That is what your father wanted.

I do think your son cannot image what it is like to have a limited income to last you for the rest of your life and as we get older our working and earning ability reduces. Also as a single mum you must have struggled and this inheritance from your father was to help you. At 27 with no responsibilities he really doesn't understand the real world.

Maybe when your son does buy a property you could buy him something for his new home. He will find out the true cost of living when he does move out.

If your father had wanted your sons to have a share of his inheritance he would have left them something. He could probably see that you might need extra financial support if your son's disability should worsen. I assume your able bodied son is able to earn a living and support himself. That money is YOURS and he has no right to expect any share of it. If it is a substantial sum it might help you to consult a solicitor or financial advisor - Citizens Advice perhaps. Don't be pressured, your long term security and independence is what is important here.