Treading carefully

I have my DGDs at my house most weekends with their Dad. They have their own room with clothes and toys here. It's just practical rather than packing a bag each week. I also wash their school clothes if they come here straight from school on Friday. Can you do the same?

I agree, if the child is loved then that's the most important thing.

I agree with those who say let it rest. To be quite honest my daughter's house is sometimes a tip, when she was really busy, it was always that way, and the kitchen was a nightmare. Her children, though were always spotless and their clothes clean, and both achieved 100% attendances at school hardly ever being ill.

We are a shared family and the children have clothes at both houses. Not only does it make life easier but also means that they wear clothes that are suitable for whatever we have planned. Also.....and I'm whispering this....mum and stepdad/DH and me (stepmum) have different ideas about what as suitable clothes for an 11 year old girl. This way we avoid any bad feeling as no one feels directly criticised for their choices.

Shared families walk a very fine line no matter how friendly things are between the adults. Feelings can be hurt very quickly and unintentionally.

I wouldn't worry about the state of the house as long as your GD is happy and healthy.

Not at all Anya - the mother of the child I was referring to was fine about it as she never had to pack a bag - The attitude taken by all was that it saved forgetting anything. The child concerned loved having different clothes to wear.

And if the child told her mother - as she is likely to mention different clothes, and then that would make the situation worse.

Leave things be though if it ever comes up in conversation mention your love for cleaning (?) your own house (well I'm told some people do love it!) and see if she asks for help.

Otherwise just keep working at this relationship you've managed to build up...and well done on that

Would it be possible to have a different set of clothes at your house for when she comes to stay? - to save any packing!
One of our relatives had her husband's DD from a previous relationship stay very frequently and the child came with very shabby and not very clean clothes. Her solution was to change her when she got to the house - and if time wash the clothes she was wearing - and dress her in ones she kept for the duration of the visit. She then dressed her in the ones she arrived in to go home. Invariably the ones my relation used were far better clothes and if the child went home in them she never saw them again. It seemed to work very well for all concerned and the child was never without anything she needed.

It's a difficult situation busyb as we all have different standards of acceptable housekeeping. If the children seem healthy and happy as tanith said then leave well alone. Don't jeopardise family relationships over this unless it becomes necessary. The little girl is old enough to say if there are problems.

I think the advice given above is spot on. Unless the child seems to be uncomfortable with her living conditions and brings it to either your or your DS's notice I would say nothing.

Its hard to keep quiet I do realise but if your GD is healthy and happy I would keep quiet and not put something that is precious at risk. Just enjoy the time you are having with her and unless your GD becomes aware or affected by it leave well alone.

I think that your current relationship with her is more important than untidiness. Don't risk saying anything.