Daughter &Husband won’t let anyone see newborn

I don't believe sending one text to confirm the birth is going to interfere with the bonding process.
Nor will it pass on covid.

I also think some people should get a grip.

It does seem hurtful,but maybe the mum and dad don’t want anyone to see them or the house in a mess as it often is when the first is born if my memory serves me well!They want to appear in control of things which happens a while after.
Also you may not have a photo because they are worried some pervert will get hold of the photo and manipulate it for their own ends.Dont ask how it’s done I don’t know but many parents don’t want any photos of their children out there on social media.Its a world I don’t understand.
All that being said I can understand your hurt.

MissAdventure

Oh, so everyone doesn't want to just take the baby off their mum then?
I'm glad we're coming to some sort of agreement.

We can agree that people need to calm down stop the hysterics around having to wait a few days to meet someone else's baby. That the drama of all this complaining is silly and overreactive, sure we agree.

MissAdventure

I don't believe sending one text to confirm the birth is going to interfere with the bonding process.
Nor will it pass on covid.

I also think some people should get a grip.

Except that short text DID happen, as it was so clearly written in the OP.

Partially.
That's the best I can do, I'm afraid.

Ah, yes.
I've just read the op properly.
Apologies.

I am amazed at the entitlement to other people's special moments

I understand the scant contact is very hurtful for you Cookieof4. But I also think too much is expected of new parents, new mums in particular who might be struggling with feeding or the ‘baby blues’.
I think if the parents let it be known before baby’s arrival that they want ‘go to ground’ for a period of time, their choice should be supported. I think that’s sensible. I think not sharing any details is over the top.

I think young parents should be given as much space as they need.

VioletSky

I am amazed at the entitlement to other people's special moments

I don't see any sense of 'entitlement', just the natural reaction of a new grandparent who is obviously excited at the birth of their grandchild and would like to at least see a photo of the baby, if not to meet it as soon as they can.

I am also amazed VS lol. I am a gran myself. The entitled attitudes validate keeping a few days as a new little family sacred imo. People with such a sense of entitlement can't logically be trusted to be considerate to the new parents.

That was more for the comments section, not toward the OP.

It's just respect isn't it? Our children are grown adults, if I cant respect them and their needs in moments like this, they wouldn't respect me... They probably wouldn't even like me

I think being a respectful person who values the needs of the parents is more likely to get you a quicker visit anyway

I know I was always the first to see my close friend's babies, because I was there for them

6People are allowed to not feel obligated to communicate every single day. Most people complaining barely had daily communications before the baby, yet after a baby is born we expect the tired new parents to suddenly communicate every single day and schedule weekly visits. It's all incredibly selfish. Has nothing to do with supporting the parents and everything to do with gratifying one's own desires regardless of the other party's wishes.6

I did not say that the parents should communicate every day or arrange weekly visits.
I find it very strange that a daughter does not want to speak briefly with her mother just once after the birth of her child, just to reassure her she is all right; all mothers, having been through childbirth, worry about their daughters.

It's entirely up to them how they decide to spend these first few weeks. They may be concerned about the baby's health as they are at more risk from bacteria and viruses when very young. It can be very serious, for example, if an adult with a cold sore kisses a baby and passes on herpes - this happened to a friend's baby and it was touch and go for a while. Perhaps they know someone whose baby became ill through something like this.
Even if that's not the case, the amount of contact with others is their decision .
It's understandable that you might feel hurt by this approach - especially if it wasn't what you expected.
I'm sure you love them all and will not want to say anything to jeopardise your future relationship with them.
Send a card and gift and wish them all the best.
You could say you're looking forward to seeing them all whenever they're ready and you'd love to have them round for dinner, babysit, pop over and help with household chores.. or whatever you feel is appropriate to offer.
I'm sure in a few months, this will all be forgotten and you'll be a big part of your granddaughter's life. All the best.

Agree wholeheartedly. Apparently it's okay to not respect anything different from your own experience and desires. Few even acknowledged that the mum herself is recovering. She isn't a merely an incubator who grew a shiny new person for the wider family to play with. She's a human being who went through something strenuous. She is also exhausted. The new dad is exhausted. No mention of support that they actually need, only what they should want according to other people's past experiences. It's bizarre.

We saw Gdd1 within hours of her birth, but had to go away the next day for a long planned 70th birthday do 200 miles away.

Called in to see dd & co. on the way back 2 days later (they live 60 miles from us) - and were not only made welcome, but our lovely son in law insisted that we stay for a roast chicken dinner he’d cooked.
Very lucky, I know.

I know I was always the first to see my close friend’s babies, because I was there for them

Not at all the same as seeing GC though.

eazybee

6People are allowed to not feel obligated to communicate every single day. Most people complaining barely had daily communications before the baby, yet after a baby is born we expect the tired new parents to suddenly communicate every single day and schedule weekly visits. It's all incredibly selfish. Has nothing to do with supporting the parents and everything to do with gratifying one's own desires regardless of the other party's wishes.6

I did not say that the parents should communicate every day or arrange weekly visits.
I find it very strange that a daughter does not want to speak briefly with her mother just once after the birth of her child, just to reassure her she is all right; all mothers, having been through childbirth, worry about their daughters.

I would think that if it was a concern for the daughter the post wouldn't have focused on how hurt the OP was about not seeing the baby. I do agree that I would like to know how my own daughter was doing even before the baby, though I still wouldn't feel hurt exactly. I love being a gran my primary concern would be my own daughter. Always.

Are we in the wrong for feeling hurt? How do we even deal with this? Our whole family just feels terrible.

No you're not in the wrong, but neither are your daughter and her husband.
This is their baby and they're entitled to handle this time as they decide.
They have let you know she's born, she's doing well and is healthy.
They may not have decided on a name yet, it was several days before a final decision was made on the names for our grandchildren!

I think new dads these days are more involved and confident, so as a couple they don't feel a need for as much support as maybe we did.

Be patient, send a card and some flowers if you wish (preferably the pre-arranged type that don't need a vase) and let them know you're looking forward to seeing all of them when they feel ready 😊

Oh my goodness me, you are definitely not in the wrong for feeling hurt about this and I truly feel for you. We also welcomed a new granddaughter into our family at the end of July and our daughter and son-in-law are the complete opposite to yours and I feel so sorry in saying that to you!

All you can do is sit tight and wait for that call or text inviting you over to finally meet your beautiful granddaughter. I agree with others and I personally think they're acting a bit over the top and if this is a new trend then it is ridiculous!

I'll keep my 🤞🏻 for you that sooner, rather than later, you'll get that call from your daughter.

Their baby, their rules. It’s called the “babymoon”. They want to focus on bonding, getting to know each other, maybe getting breastfeeding started. You will no doubt be asked to come over before long. Don’t nurse the grudge.

I am hopefully going to become a grandparent in December. I have discussed the birth and the aftermath with my daughter - I shall be coming over (from Europe) to help, but I have to stay in purdah for a couple of days (just in case I caught COVID) on the plane and I'm not to kiss baby in the first weeks (just in case).

I have said to her (after reading the miriad threads on Mumsnet) - 'your baby, your rules' - there will be plenty of time for kisses in the future. I must admit she was (pleasantly) surprised at my attitude, I think others are starting to give her grief.

Why on earth are people getting so upset, it's a baby, not a toy. It won't remember anything - the first time you see it, will be your first time. It really doesn't matter if it's days or weeks.

It is the complete lack of contact, the refusal to answer the phone or send the simplest of text messages to say when they will make contact that would concern me.
Perhaps the clue is in Our whole family just feels terrible. ; they may fear the whole family arriving at once.

Your daughter and son in law are grown adults and are allowed to have boundaries and this is a boundary for them. If it upsets you, that’s your problem, not theirs.

I think we have a few young posters on here supporting the posters daughter and telling us off popped over from yonder maybe

I don’t think it’s so much about not seeing the child for the first week as the poster not knowing it’s name, it’s weight not even one photo , sorry but that is not natural