Daughter &Husband won’t let anyone see newborn

RosieandherMaw

Old thread.
The baby is presumably walking and talking by now.

Resurrected by someone from across the Pond!

This isn't the way that we were with our new babies, but this is their baby and their decision. Just follow their wishes and I'm sure that they will be in touch when they are ready.

This is an old post but still relevant today. Mine could not wait to show baby off, no one stayed long, respected their boundaries. Everyone is different and try not to take it to heart when you are not allowed near. I would just tell them to let you know when they feel ready to have us visit or them visit and get on with your life. Some new mothers just need husbands there to bond. WhenI had both of mine, my husband was back to work next day as everyone was then, so grandparents were involved from the beginning. I don't understand what Cattery Girl was saying I’m afraid. Also GenX, why were you given no help, do you mean you did not have any family support or did not want it or the NHS. In our family we do not drop in but everyone knows if you want help you get it willingly but we will not push ourselves. My dil, i was the first to see baby at their request, but her mother, who took over once she did meet the baby was in their lives daily even moved by them, don’t think son was that pleased, whereas we saw them every 6 weeks or so if lucky. We just let it be what they wanted.

Old thread.
The baby is presumably walking and talking by now.

I realize I’m very late to this thread, but I wanted to respond to it. This is not a new trend. I was exactly like your daughter when I gave birth to my first child in 1995. My pregnancy was difficult. I had no help. I felt vulnerable throughout it. When my baby was born, I I wanted space to still be vulnerable recover established your schedule, and yes bond with my baby along with my husband. So yes, we kept everyone at bay until we were ready. Know what? I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. My husband and I bonded on a whole new level during those first weeks after our daughter was born. The love got deeper. The trust got deeper. We solidified our family during that time and got to know a great new person we were blessed with. Both of our families had a problem with respecting our boundaries all while we were married. My mother, especially has a very annoying habit of offering me advice that I don’t ask for and despite me telling her not to do that, she never listens. My husband’s mother was the same way. We were not gonna put up with that nonsense after giving birth. No way. When we finally did allow the grandparents and the aunts and uncles and everyone to come visit, I felt like our family unit and boundaries had been shored up. And surprise, my and my husband’s parents got a lot more respectful of them.

My kids are grown and married now. The day will come when they become parents. Should they behave the exact same way I did, I will have no problem with it because I understand. That is a special time for the mom and dad. You are not entitled to intrude on it.

Apparently the most common form of microchimerism is fetal maternal. A condition where the foetus passes on a small number of cells to the mother’s body through the placenta during.

The reason I researched this is I chose a harmonica as a belated Christmas present for Jnr. I could have chosen many models on Amazon. When he opened it his face lit up. He showed me the harmonica in his basket on Amazon. He hadn’t bought it yet but it was exactly the same one in C chord. Same colour. I know nothing about music so why I chose C I have no idea. This isn’t the first time.
Mum lived many miles away. I was lucky to have opened a dating agency and could work from home in the 80’s with baby next to me and chose occasional help from au pairs. I was back at work in three days but at my own pace with precious time with my new son.
I wish the poster well but relatives can want to take over.

Reading some of the responses on here it’s no wonder new parents don’t want their families around for a while!!

Our role as grandparents is to love and support. Follow wishes x

I'm not sure it's a "modern trend" except that families don't tend now to stay where they were born which made popping in for half an hour very much easier and less burdensome on a new mother and her partner. People are also more aware that the child's immune system doesn't engage for a time so they are more at risk as newborns - and who wants to be struggling to breastfeed a baby with a cold? As a first time GM I wasn't in a rush to see my first GC - nor was my own DM three decades ago: we were both happy to wait a week or more. As for being "the first to see the GC" - to me that's a very sad mindset.

Flippinheck

Just another ridiculous trend promoted by Mumsnet, TikTok, etc. I was very grateful for my MIL’s non intrusive help with my babies that let me recover quickly and bond with my babies. Wait until they start on baby-led weaning, just dumping food, including purées and yoghurts, in the high chair tray and letting baby dig in with its hands. Food all over the place and mother with no idea what the child has actually eaten.

Baby screaming because it's hungry. For some reason its toothless gums could not handle sliced raw peppers.

After babyled weaning comes baby-signing. Take baby to class to learn to communicate in sign language long before it's mastered babbling.

Then there is a long wait,years, for the child to announce " I have given this some careful consideration and discussed it with my teacher. I feel ready for potty training now. Please load an appropriate app on my tablet."

Its a new thing with modern parents. Poor things.
We used to wait 12 weeks befor announcing. Now they do a pregnancy test before missing the first period and announce it right away. Early scan of tadpole on Facebook , days later they announce it's a boy/girl and take all the fun out of wondering. Then they announce in advance which way it's going to get out on what day. On D day they'll be discharged within hours and home again in time for tea.

I'm hoping fashion will come round again to a leisurely week after delivery, "lying in" in the maternity ward with nurses on hand to prop up any new mums having a little wobble.

You're not wrong to feel hurt—it's natural to want to share in such a special moment. But new parents can be overwhelmed, emotional, and needing space. Try to be patient and give them time. A gentle message expressing your love, support, and that you’re here when they’re ready can go a long way.

Just another ridiculous trend promoted by Mumsnet, TikTok, etc. I was very grateful for my MIL’s non intrusive help with my babies that let me recover quickly and bond with my babies. Wait until they start on baby-led weaning, just dumping food, including purées and yoghurts, in the high chair tray and letting baby dig in with its hands. Food all over the place and mother with no idea what the child has actually eaten.

This is an old thread- this 'newborn' will now be coming up it their first birthday.

I hope things worked out for them though...

I have experienced the same thing in my family. You are not alone. Its unfortunate the bonds people had with their families are not the same. The joy of a child is not shared with family.

MercuryQueen When an adult child marries, their FOO (family of origin) becomes extended family. That’s why the spouse is next of kin for legal and medical reasons.

And the OP was told that both mom and baby are doing well.

Seems enough.

Are you still there Cookie?
I hope you are OK.

I was going to say that it is quite a common thing nowadays , keeping the newborn with the wraps of the new parents , especially when it is a first baby . Parents now have some funny ideas wheather a news parent or other wise

eazybee

I would not call the mother of the new mother , that is, the grandmother, extended family. Having been through childbirth as most posters on here have I do not believe it impossible to make some form of brief contact in the subsequent days following the birth.

That said, this post has given rise to much comment inspired by genuine concern, and it would be courteous of the original poster to provide an update.

When an adult child marries, their FOO (family of origin) becomes extended family. That’s why the spouse is next of kin for legal and medical reasons.

And the OP was told that both mom and baby are doing well.

I agree with that last paragraph.
This has been one of te most controversial threads I have read since joining GN when Adam was a lad.
No opinions changing and most totally missing the point.
A message to a concerned mother would be kind and reassuring.
After all the SiL hasn’t just given birth and is more than capable of a text / photograph.
Are his parents being treated the same?

I would not call the mother of the new mother , that is, the grandmother, extended family. Having been through childbirth as most posters on here have I do not believe it impossible to make some form of brief contact in the subsequent days following the birth.

That said, this post has given rise to much comment inspired by genuine concern, and it would be courteous of the original poster to provide an update.

What Hithere said

What mercuryqueen said

I'm sure it's been resolved now, one way or the other.

Peacefully, I hope.

The new mom has a wound the size of a dinner plate in her uterus. Bleeding, hormone crash, possible stitches, likely learning how to nurse, sleep deprived and learning to take care of a tiny human. And people are mad that she’s not prioritizing extended family’s wants?

I can’t think of any other medical event that people are upset with the patient not meeting their expectations.

And baby gets zero benefit from visitors. They don’t remember it. What they do get is potential exposure to more germs, viruses and bacteria. Perhaps overstimulated or stressed by being out of sense range of Mom.

Visiting a newborn is strictly for the adults benefit, so if the parents want to settle in as a family of three, that’s exactly what they should do.

I can’t imagine why any extended family members think what they want should be more important.