Daughter &Husband won’t let anyone see newborn

Yes Feverjo I completely agree.
Why are so many grandparents so judgmental about what their children choose to do?
Give them space.

MissAdventure

How does letting people know the baby's name impact the bonding experience?

Maybe the baby has yet to be named, took us ages.

Yes, so I'd have thought it would be OK to tell people a name isn't decided yet.

I thought my grandson was going to be called "that baby" for years.

a young neighbour had her first baby a few months ago and she did not want any family or friends for the first 2 weeks to visit, she explained that it was because her husband was on paternity leave and they just wanted it to be the three of them for that time. i think one of the differences is that mum's don't spend time in hospital now, this girl went into labour on the monday night and was back home tuesday morning. maybe people should respect that this is the way some parents want to do things and that the parents are not doing it to hurt anyones feelings.

Modern yes, pretentious yes. It would not bother me though, as I would be in no hurry to babysit or do childcare. Result as far as I am concerned.

I think it's a combination of new parents not wanting to be steamrolled by all the "advice", visitors overstaying, and then those family members who take it upon themselves to go to social media and post pictures, names, and details and before the new parents get to choose who to share with. I also think with fathers now getting time off, the new parents want to learn how to navigate the new little family together rather than the mum depending on extended family to help her. I really wouldn't personalize all of it. It's not directed at anyone to hurt.

Years ago when I gave birth to my DS, we had 7 days in hospital. He was born on a Saturday night, my late MiL drove up from Wales and was at my bedside by 1pm.
She and my DS adored each other.

That's a lovely memory @SparklyGrandma . You were all so lucky to have that chance.

Even though I didn't meet mine til he was many months old, I know there was a bond forged in the first year and I really miss that bond. Now he's school age I think he will be aware of it too.

They may be worried about the current whooping cough outbreak as 10 little babies have died from it so far. Can't be vaccinated for a few months

It’s the not answering phone calls and not sending photos that I think is cruel.
Have your family bonding/ bubble, that’s fine but no communication, isn’t.

Yes that's odd no photos or phone calls. Re the name we couldn't agree on one for 4 weeks so perhaps they're the same

I would be upset.

Our granchild - my son's 1st- is due at the end of August, and we've been informed already that the first 2 weeks will be for them only.Lovely in one way for them to have that time to bond as a family, and of course it's their decision. But it's a shame the wider family won't be able to share the joy in those first few days and be called on for any help. That approach seems to be the latest thing coming out of NCT/other ante natal classes. Very different from 'back when'. I've been very positive and 'on message' but said that I'll be on the other end of the phone if they need to ask anything at all. In the meantime, I'll carry on knitting ☺️

I find it hard to understand, I was very anxious to see my Mum after the birth of all three of our children. My DDs were the same with me. However ,much as I fully understand how much you want to see your DD and your new GD I am afraid you will just have to bide your time. I didn't need time to bond with my babies I had done that throughout my pregnancies! Parents seem very 'precious ' with their babies these days and there is nothing you can do but wait. You are not wrong to feel hurt, not even a photo !?
I am sure all will be well in time , congratulations on the safe arrival of your GD and I am sure you know she is beautiful? 💐

Interesting that some posters report that all is different with a second baby. It's remarkable how ideas change when there is a demanding toddler in the mix, as well as a new-born.
I think this whole idea is ridiculous. My DH would have gone crackers if he couldn't have gone back to work and his mates for a month.

They used to come round the ward, take a Polaroid, then you could oder some, and the little frames, that gave the baby's name, weight, and time of birth.

Please don’t worry about this - it will be ok soon - in 1972 - I was a bit the same with my first child. I know I upset my mother when she put her hand down to move the blanket to see my daughter’s face- I reacted and asked her not to poke around - I can’t explain it - it was like an animal instinct I think. I think Ma was upset. However, scroll forward a few years and three children later- well, anyone could pick them up- feed them, change them etc etc - very grateful- no worries about anyone helping - wonderful!! Give her time - she’ll soon be asking you to do all sorts of things. Good luck - keep smiling x

I can understand that the couple want some space and time before people descend upon them. There is so much emphasis on a baby's arrival with all and sundry thinking they have a right to be involved. They have declared what they want to happen, respect them, sure they will respond when they are ready.

Your daughter just gave birth to a baby and the only thing you care about is seeing the baby? What about your daughter and son in law that just became parents? What about your daughter who physically birthed a baby, who is probably in pain and sleep deprived yet the only thing you care about are YOUR feelings?!? Seems selfish and entitled. Maybe they haven’t tried connecting with you because you haven’t even tried to connect with THEM. Not only was a baby born, but a mother was born, a father was born, and they are navigating these new roles, probably sleep deprived and the only thing you care about are YOUR feelings. Did you offer to help your daughter at all? Did you ask her how SHES doing?
And of course they want to bond with the baby, you and everyone else just want to whisk the baby away from them. She just carried a baby inside of her for 9 months let her enjoy HER baby. Oh, and for everyone else reading this, bonding isn’t a “trend” or a “fad” it’s a necessity for the baby, mom and dad. Latest Research has shown that it’s absolutely necessary for baby to be with mom and dad for first months of life, it’s beneficial for growth and development. Maybe read up on child development and be a little more open minded. Show the new parents some grace and compassion instead of overly criticizing and judging their every decision.

I am very lucky in that when my daughter went into labour for her second son they rang me straightaway , and I drove like a demon for four hours to pick up my older grandson from nursery. !!!
I got there in time and took him to his home . We were there to welcome the new baby and parents back home later that day ! So exciting ,
They were much more secretive about the first born though. I understood.
Funnily enough the bond between the first born and myself is very strong and I put it down to looking after him so much when the new baby arrived. He was 20 months old.
I know I’m very lucky to have had that time with them all

You're sorely mistaken if you think "everybody" wants to whip a baby away from its mother.

Sadly that's the latest fashion, young mums are told to keep family away and just enjoy getting to know their baby. New mums also believe that they should ignore any advice given by older mums as being outdated

Could be many reasons but I seem to remember something like this when a baby was born with something wrong and the couple needed time to come to terms with it themselves before fielding loads of questions from friends and relatives. I am sure everything's fine in your case but try not to pressure them. If nothing else it could be that the mother feels she needs complete self-focus to establish breast feeding

Quite harsh Putplegran! The OP is not wanting to interfere or take over she simply wants to see her DD and GD. I would have accepted it if it had happened to me , fortunately it didn't. Surely a photo is not too much to ask ?

Very strange behaviour to me. You are the grandparents