Please may I have a rant about shoes?

Yeah. Mine have got their crocs. And little stud things that they decorate them with.

Can I say that sometimes when parents pack for children it's often done in haste and when several other things are going on.........well, I'm guessing that's why my daughter forgot to pack any socks and only two pairs of undies for my grandson, but remembered the welly boots, raincoat, thick rugby shirts and long sleeved T-shirts etc.
I spent £50+ on clothes for my grandson this week, but it was really for my sake and not his - he actually only needed socks and a couple of short sleeved T-shirts, so all the extras were me just enjoying buying him nice summer clothes (and having one eye on the future when his brother will grow into them).

GA I love buying the frilly dresses and the angry birds pjs but like you the socks and knickers are to help me make things run smoothly.

stansgran I would think that if you bought the flat black shoes last August they must surely be too small now, so I agree with you. Although £100 isn't a huge amount to spend for a good pair of shoes, the children shouldn't be wearing shoes that are too small.

I always thought that trainers weren't that good for the feet either but a lot of the children seem to wear them all day. When I was a child, I had winter shoes and summer sandals from Clarks. As I got older, I didn't always appreciate having to wear "sensible" shoes for school but I'm glad of it now as my feet are reasonably OK (touch wood).

I even see some children wearing wellington boots in this hot weather. Again, I thought that wellington boots were bad for the feet as they offer little support and make the feet and legs sweaty. Obviously, they're useful and fun in wet weather but its seems odd to me that children wear them all day long.

Having said all that, my daughter says that I wasn't a very tactile mum and, although she was always well looked after, I wasn't very demonstrative or tactile and she missed out on cuddles. I thought I was being a "good" mum, so perhaps there are more important things than shoes and clothes.

Thank you Eloethan. I looked at the flat black ones. They may well be too small. Big sigh.they have loads of cuddles when we see them although they take about three days to get back to the ease of relationship when last we saw them last January. I'm not their parent. I just felt so fed up with the situation when I posted. My daughter had originally said they would visit for 3-4days as she had to take her holiday now. I suppose I vaguely assumed that they would get the children stuff while they were here. Now they are not coming and the children will go to the other grandparents and not see their own parents for six weeks

I'm sure you were a good mum in your own way, eloethan. My mum wasn't very tactile or demonstrative either but she was definitely a good mum in many ways. Those people who have mums who are perfect in all ways are very lucky but probably quite unusual

My DS once brought his 2 DDs to stay with us as he and DDiL were en route for a short break in the Lake District. The girls had had to get up very early so they came in their pjs. That was fine BUT he had forgotten to pack any footwear at all for them! I had to nip out and buy them both trainers and flip-flops - which they loved and wore for ages!

I think the dearth of cuddles and demonstrative actions on the part of our Mothers was probably a generational thing. They just hadn't been brought up to be overtly loving but I never doubted that my Mum did love me.

When we got our new sandals each spring, our dad sometimes cut the toes out of the old ones which we would then wear for playing out. Sometimes did the same with old gym shoes.

Eloethan I read a chiropodist saying that if you were finding it hard to afford shoes for children cheap trainers were the way to go because they would take on the shape of the child's feet and do less harm than keeping them in leather ones too long because you couldn't afford to buy bigger ones.

GS2 9 (18 months) currently refuses to wear sandals which he seems to find uncomfortable, he would rather have shoe and socks in spite of the heat. He is however quite happy to run around in wellies!

Thanks thatbags.

Deedaa That's interesting about trainers - I hadn't thought of it that way.

anno - Oh yes! I remember it well!

At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, I think children's feet should be measured and they should have at least one pair of decent shoes/sandals/trainers that fit properly, even if they wear crocs or whatever on the beach or campsite.

Eloethan; I once took several days off work to help my daughter with a new baby [a lot of my leave was used up with child minding duties]. She jokingly told me how she and a friend had been laughing about the silly things their mums did [not throwing stuff away and suchlike] and I just felt my eyes welling up; I excused myself and went upstairs for a while as I wanted to say 'so you laugh about me behind my back but are quite happy for me to use my holiday to help you'. The remark was in no way meant to be cruel and I'm sure she and her friend were talking about their prospective mums in a nice way, but I felt deeply hurt by it . Mind you, I'm sure I said far worse things to my mum [but not once I'd become a mother myself and understood her more].

Tegan I'm sure your daughter never meant to upset you because you sound such a lovely mum. But such small things can sometimes be unexpectedly hurtful can't they.

Sadly, my relationship with my daughter is a somewhat rocky one and I accept most of the responsibility for that. I was only 22 when I had her and was in some ways quite immature - an only child who, though not materially spoilt, had never had to share my time with brothers and sisters and who had never even held a baby before. I was totally overwhelmed and panicked by motherhood and dealt with it by working every minute to keep the house clean, provide clean and ironed clothes, make two full meals a day, etc. etc., and oblivious to the fact that I wasn't providing the affection and fun that a child needs. Of course, it doesn't do any good to beat myself up about things that cannot be changed but, whilst I realise that no parent is perfect, I can't help but feel regretful.

Psychologists among you may know better, but isn't there a thing called "cognitive dissonance" in which the mind tries to make sense of challenges to beliefs? I know it is part of the memory process. My theory is that they remember those awful things because they challenged their general belief in their wonderful loving mother. In my case it regards the absence of ballet lessons (working mother, otherwise perfect grandfather balked at sitting with lots of mums in the village hall every week) Or maybe it's the genetic ability to hold a grudge. Definitely from their father's side

On the subject of wellies, DGS2 insists on wearing his all the time as he is Fireman Sam at the moment

My DD has been trying to buy new school shoes for the GC. Two need proper school shoes an one needs shoes for nursery. She took them to Clarks to have their feet measured but didn't buy them there as the prices are ridiculous for children's shoes. DGD. who is 7 insists thatbshe must have brogues for school as they will go really well with her pinafores and school kilt.DD got brogues from TK Max at a really good price. With four children to kit out, my DH and I try to help out with buying clothes for them, as do the other grandparents.

hilda; my daughter also has their feet measured at Clarks and then buys the shoes on the internet. Eloethan; I was a stay at home mum and out house was full of cats, dogs, rabbits, paint, cardboard boxes, dressing up costumes etc. My husband despaired of the mess [he's now my ex husband] and the kids, as they got older found the house embarrassing [mainly because the money that needed spending on the house paid for a pony for my daughter]. When I said it must have been nice having a mum who was always there the reply was that 'if I'd had a working mother I wouldn't have known any better so it wouldn't have mattered'. As with most things in life, we can never get it right .

DiL has always had their feet measured and bought on the net - usually Ebay - and also buys that way for herself. Even I have found just the shoes I wanted on Amazon at well below the Clarks price.