Rising rate of divorce amongst older couples.

It does make some sense, greatnan but I know of one woman who is regretting dumping her husband. The grass has not been greener. She is in an abusive relationship with a man who she has tried to leave but he is very controlling and she ends up going back. Her ex husband is now in a nursing home because he hit bottle big time when she left. They had what appeared to be a loving marriage but he aged quicker than she did and she felt he no longer needed a wife but a carer.

So, if you've been together a long time whatever happened to in sickness and in health?

I think I'll stick with my grumpy old git sweetie pie.

I don't think it is a case of the grass being greener for most women. Men don't usually leave their wives unless they have another woman lined up, but the women I know who have left their husbands did it because they couldn't stand them any longer. The phrase 'silent screaming' comes up very often.

Whe I came downstairs and found DH's brekkie things stacked beside the dishwasher which I had emptied when I made the morning tea , yep, I could sympathise with the general drift of the article.

You can't just up and leave the daft old nuggets though can you.

My kindle fire is much more polite than I am.

I would have said "daft old buggers"

Well, yes, you can! Obviously, not for just not being any use with chores, but for being boring, selfish, unhygienic, humourless, unfaithful, critical, lazy, demanding, secretive, controlling, distant , cold, unemotional, untruthful, unappreciative.....perm any number and add a few of your own!
Now some people are going to tell us how wonderful their own 'hubbies' are! Does anybody else hate that word?

I think many women would have left in the past, but economics forced them to stay, as it still does for some.

I wonder if anybody has a good ex OH story? I sure dont...but wish I had the chance to warn his second wife...which is now his ex and a Facebook friend of mine! He now lives with his mother!

Yes Greatnan how I hate that word 'hubbies', and 'the' wife. I am lucky, quite enjoy my husbands company, could willingly strangle him every day, but not to the extent that I would leave.

And here is JSP inn June saying the exact opposite!!!

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2342767/JANET-STREET-PORTER-Why-Ive-finally-grown-divorce.html

I think maybe when both parties retire, it can be a bit of a sticky patch. Being together 24 hours a day caused a few problems for us. My OH got a part-time voluntary job and things have worked out OK.

What if he is just a bit boring, selfish, unhygienic, lazy and controlling? And has his own brand of humour (hmm)? (which, to be fair, is sometimes funny)

And puts up with an awful lot from me?

That should have been a !

True, jingle. We're none of us perfect are we?

He has our deepest sympathy jings

OK!!!

Well Vegas JSP is a journalist, isn't she? Perhaps she has to earn her crust any which way. Better to write two opposing articles, than one which explores both sides at the same time
Hope you enjoy your lunch today

j08 agree with you - violence and cheating are cardinal sins, but being a bit boring and wanting your own way all the time are standard human failings which we should be prepared to tolerate.
I know my DH does

Hey Envious , nice to see you !!

I always reckon we deserve each other. I have never understood the concept of love being blind. As much as I was in love with DH when we married I could see aspects of him that might be annoying - and proved to be so, but I am well aware of aspects of my character that drive him to distraction, but we have much that we share and when we did go through a bad patch and a split did seem possible it was what we shared and enjoyed that instinctively held us together and we resolve the problems.

Retirement is a testing time for relationships.

In our working lives we see our other half for only a few hours a day and it comes as a shock when this person who we could happily tolerate then is there 24/7 and can be a pain in the back side at times.

The answer is to have your own interests outside of the things that you do together. Something that you find enjoyable that makes you happy.

I don't think anyone would say that relationships are easy, you are both individuals with minds of your own and that isn't always in agreement with the man/women you married. Compromise is the name of the game in any relationship.

Hi - new to the forum but one of the reasons I have joined is to say that the opening post and link is exactly where I am at. Hence I am going through a torrent of thoughts at the moment.

Short story - 1st marriage lasted over 20 years but gradually grew apart.
2nd marriage seemed to offer total love and affection BUT husband was/is a high functioning alcoholic.
Over the years there are other aspects to his personality that have come out i.e. Narcissitic Personality type (basically 'It's all about him') and a touch of Aspergers (the latter term is one he uses about himself).
He retired five years ago and has gradually withdrawn from society - he gets through about 12 units of alcohol a day (whisky, beer and wine), which is fairly constant and has a couple of friends that visit him once a week (on the same day). He no longer drives and he only goes out of the house to get his drink and cigarettes. His attention to hygiene is diminishing and spends most of the day (apart from his trip to the shop) in his PJs, watching TV on his tablet.
In the meantime I have alledgedly retired (had the party and the presents) but I am still going out to work two days a week. I do all the food shopping (and the paying of it) and I have been actively finding friends to spend days out with (lunches, art gallery visits, cinema, etc). I have been quite successful in this and I am enjoying it. However husband is now complaining that he is not getting invited to anything (the overwhelming majority of these outings are female-orientated or connected to my DD and grandchildren).

At one gathering of friends I caught the eye of the rare male who was attending and he made contact with me. I am now caught up in a potential new relationship, although if I leave my husband I would want to live on my own (but near to my DD so I can help with my grandchildren). I should add that the thoughts of leaving came BEFORE I met my gentleman friend (who lives at the other side of the country) - in fact, my family and friends are quite surprised that I have stayed put for so long (husband having fell out with quite a few of them over the years, usually as the result of his drinking).

My coping ability is rapidly diminishing and I would like to make the most of this stage of my life before infirmity hits me. Words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

You only have one life ShowerGel. Follow your heart. You'll get loads of support on GN so keep talking to us. Think about all your options carefully. Write down the pros and cons, think about the finances and don't mention any of your thoughts/plans/decisions to your DH until you're clear on what you want.
Good luck

ShowerGel welcome.

I often think that "if you are asking the question, you usually know the answer" is one of the great truisms in life and you have set it out so carefully in your post, there is a clear course of action in there for you.

It's true that you only have one life, and that goes for husband No 2 as well. People can and do change their lives - even entrenched drinkers do - but the sad fact is that often they need a catalyst and that includes their partner saying "Enough". Or conversely, nothing changes, till you change it.

Good luck! I know what I'd be doing, as daunting as it may be

Showergel I agree with Grannyknot I am certain I would be out of the door leaving him to his own devices.

Would you consider staying with him if he joined AA and gave up alcohol?

He must be spending a fortune on alcohol and fags. He needs a reality check re finances.