Rising rate of divorce amongst older couples.

How good to hear the latest news, and to know that you are all in the process of regaining your independence. I wish you all a peaceful time.

What a very true last sentence Lona and sometimes we have left it too late.

Well done Nansy, the first days of the rest of your life
Good luck to you and juneh, no point wasting time on selfish old men, they don't appreciate it if you do!

Hallo everyone! Well, the move is all done and dusted and I'm feeling much better than I thought - when I left the house it was just a shell and as I'm surrounded by my own things and my 2 beloved cats this all goes to make my little house my home. My DD came down to help me move and her help and support were invaluable. My son and Daughter in law helped too and I felt very grateful. Of course there are a few teething problems but hopefully these will get sorted eventually. Everything was put into perspective too when my best friend's husband died at the same time as my marriage finally died so we are in a very similar position though for very different reasons and are a great support to each other.

Good luck June and anyone else who is in the same position. I have had my divorce come through earlier this month. I was forced to leave the house in January when my ex husband was violent again and am living temporarily with my daughter. He is in court charged with assault soon and I am giving evidence against him. The financial matters are being processed and I am negotiating renting a house for myself for when I return home. The last few months have been dreadful and it's not over yet but I am making plans for a future without him and that feels good. Don,t wait as long as I did I wishI had left years ago.

Good news, juneh. Now that the house sale is through, you have everything to look forward to. Don't feel too sorry for him. You've done all you can for him.

You're bound to have mixed feelings, june but him having a glum face shouldn't hold you back. You'd be the one looking unhappy then. Good news that your house has sold. Looks like this year is going to be much more positive for you.

Glad things are moving forward june, although it must be difficult for you at the moment. Take care

Thanks for all your kind responses. Good news is our house is sold (so far so good) which means I can start making my move to get to be nearer my daughter. She was very pleased that I am doing this and doesn't really understand what she is supposed to have done to make him dislike her so. She had done her best to look after him when and if he has come which is not very often.
If I am honest I think he is jealous of my love for them all and feels left out when they are around, trouble is my seeing them is spasmodic and intense for a few days which has meant he might of felt a bit left out.
I am very sad about what is happening but he is 70 after all obviously but not grown up enough to cope with having my daughter and grandchildren around. My GC are only 6 and 9 not too much to compete with.
I am so looking forward to making my move but I do feel a bit sorry for him as he is looking a bit pathetic. But at my age I cannot afford to stay with a man because I feel sorry for him.
I feel as if I am being very hard but know it's right

Every case is diferent, but I honestly believe that if a marriage is awful then it is best to leave. Being in an unhappy marriage is a bit like being in prison. I don't see why a marriage certificate has to be a life sentence.

My mum lived with a bossy and domineering man for years. He would not socialise or go on holiday. He managed to alienate her family and made it difficult to see her grandchildren. He was also extremely tight with money and refused to do anything to the house. After a row ,out of spite, he made a Will leaving half the house (even though they were married house in his sole name) to his sister who he did not speak to!. When he died we were pleased mum could have a life and,we started to do up the house for her. Sadly she died of cancer just over a year later so my advice would be get out while you can .

Sorry to hear of your troubles June. My husband is similar in that he won't come to visit my sister and family in London with me - I always go alone - so if I get to the stage of it being hard to drive on my own, I'll be isolated too. It's not an ideal relationship.

If you can afford to move and go nearer your family, good for you x

Some of you may know already that I am in the middle of leaving my husband of 9 years. We met and married after my being widowed for 3. I am struggling to hold onto my reasons for leaving but each time I remember, it is because he hates my daughter, taken a dislike to her for whatever reason and is a man that holds grudges so close to himself he cannot see the triviality of it all. He has fallen out with his own son and refuses to mend that rift.
He is refusing to go and stay with my family so that I can see my granddaughters and as I get older travelling backward and forwards from from north Wales to the south of England gets harder on my own. Last week I drove down with my old dog in the back (because he wouldn't mind her) which took me over 7 hours, and 8 hours driving return with little wee stops for both her and me.
He says if and when they come to see me again then he will go away for that duration of that stay.
I do not want this in my old age and have therefore decided to move away closer to my little family. I adore my grandchildren and cannot have them or my daughter treated in this way.
Yes he is boring old man who set in his ways (rigidly believe me) and there is not enough between us to keep us together, so before I get too old I must do what a woman has to do. There are some reasons why people to stay together but I cannot see any at this moment in time. Believe me I am sad and upset about what I need to do but as yet there have been no signs of any reasons to stay.

Thanks very much Shysal for replying, and I'm sure you're right, to get it all done legally, just in case things change in the future. However, my husband doesn't have any private pension either. He worked self employed for years - we have some savings put by, as we were thinking of a buy to let, for our future income. He is only 56 so it will be a few years before he gets a state pension.

So financially we would probably be better off together, but I feel I've been getting more and more depressed over the years as I'm living a lie really, being with him, and we don't have the sort of marriage I'd like. I just try and go on, and make the best of things. I might not be happier apart and regret it, especially financially.

Nansypansy, I'm so happy for you that finally you're getting your own place, and your own life back. It's understandable to be a bit unsure starting on your own again after all that time, but I imagine it will be a feeling of freedom once you settle down and start developing your new life. Good luck xxx

Good advice is always worth repeating shysal

Sorry, just realized that I have given similar advice earlier in the thread!

Sunflower, have you been to a solictor to find out what your financial position would be? Many of them offer a free 30minutes consultation. You will probably be entitled to 50% of all assets, and possibly a share of his future pension. I would urge you to settle it all legally. To my cost, I found that someone I considered to be an honourable man tried to wriggle out of a 'gentlemen's agreement'.
I wish you a happy future if you decide to go ahead.

At last I can post my update having read showerGel's message with whom I seem to share a lot of that situation. After two very long years it seems that the end of the tunnel is in sight. We have just exchanged contracts on our house and I will hopefully be moving on 7th March. Trouble is I just can't seem to get excited about it. I know it's for the best, I know I will be better off without my manipulative, nasty husband (who my daughter has 'diagnosed' as a 'sociopath') but it's the house that we designed and had built which is the problem for me, having been here for 26 years. I am moving to a nice enough little mid terrace Edwardian property but I know after the actual moving upheaval that I shall be thinking 'when can I go home'. Pathetic aren't I? However, as I'm now surrounded by dozens of boxes the place is beginning to feel more like a house not a home. I just so wish it had all come to this long before it did, then I would have been young enough to cope better. So any of you out there who are teetering, do it sooner, not later. Lovely to chat!

Congratulations Showergel, I'm sure you will be very happy, having made the break.

I am yet anothr one considering splitting - but I am 63, working part time (not very well paid and a long journey) and he is 8 years younger, with a well paid job (which he hates). He acts very old, he has only 1 friend (who is in Australia!) and hates socialising. He is very selfish, not a good father, he never wants to do anything togther as a couple, just ordinary things like going for a walk and a cuppa locally on a sunny day, cineme, shows, anything. I get him out about 4 times a year to see his or my sisters. We live in a very isolated hamlet where you might not see anyone all week (his choice)

His Dad was the same, a loner with few social skills, and didn't like my MIL going out without him (she used to but he made her feel bad aout leaving him) I have some friends locally but because he doesn't like any of them, we don't invite them/get invited as a couple for dinner etc, so my social life is limited too. If I was alone I would go to all sorts of local events, would live in small town nearby, and I think would feel less depressed.

I won't bore you all anymore with all of it. If we split, we could afford to buy a small place each, but I would have to exist on state pension. In the country really need a car, unlikely I could afford it. I've been wishing I'd split 15 years ago, but would it be stupid to do now financially for me? I don't know what he'd do, he would just be a hermit.

Just wondered if anyone else had made the braek, in a similar "bad" financial position?

I am full of admiration, ShowerGel. I bet you are now wishing you had made the break long ago! The future is rosy.

Well done Showergel. I wish you a happy relaxed future.

Just to give you an update - I cannot believe that it is only just over a month ago that I made the initial posting (27th December).
I saw a solicitor, who also advised 'getting all my ducks in a row', which I did.
I am now renting a little house and have been here for a week. I have minimal items with me (although I did a lot of shopping last weekend - to the point I could say I was sick of it).
I did not look back when I left and it feels absolutely the right thing to have done. In the end I didn't feel able to have The Conversation with DH and so left him a note. I'm not proud of that but it does say something about the level of fear I felt when DH gets into a rage (which he would have done and, as I can tell by the words in his texts to me, has obviously felt since I have left).
There are lots of adjustments to make - like living independently but with the support of my family and friends I know I can have a better future where I can just be myself.
Many thanks for your advice and support.

Thank you liminetta and ShowerGel

Thanks to all - I have an appointment next week with a solicitor. Best wishes to Twice too.

G
ood luck and best wishes Twice and Showergel