Feels like estrangement

Due to the nature of relationships, more than one perspective matters. You may consider the comment to be innocent and small, but the other party may have it stuck on their mind forever and you don't get to decide how they should feel about it.

There are a lot more troubling things about your way of thinking that I don't care to get into but at least you managed to say one wise thing, not everyone should be a parent.

It's good you're in counselling.
Would your children be open to attending family therapy?

Goodness me Careen145! Have a heart! The OP has bravely offered thoughts that are troubling her...wouldnt it be kinder to try to empathise with her sadness and disappointment?

Personally I cannot see anything that she has written which doesnt justify her feelings. She brought up three children alone and is now feeling cast aside and neglected for no justifiable reason.

Shes making a positive attempt to create a meaningful life for herself. Why not a word or two of encouragement rather than barely veiled criticisms.

Been there and thankfully come out of it….well, hopefully.
The offending comment, was so innocuous (in my opinion) that I can’t remember what it was. I apologised not once, but a million times and finally my DS gave in.
It was so traumatic that I honestly cannot remember what brought it on.
It’s all so sad, isn’t it ?

I support Careen415's comment - the first paragraph she wrote.

The positive side of your AC telling you is that you know what the issue is and a solution can be implemented.

Well it may not only be the OP who'll be relieved to know that you don't care to get into anything else that she's had the courage to share Careen: I know I am.

I'm always extremely suspicious of such an unpleasant response from someone whose never posted on GN before specki4eyes and hope Gmax ignores it.

It is sad when we must accept that the relationship we have with AC isn't what we thought it would be Gmax and FWIW I think you're doing the right thing letting go of your hopes and dreams and doing what you can to live your best life.

I'm glad that counselling has enabled you to build your self esteem because that takes a real battering when your AC treat you this way.

Stay strong and keep doing what you're doing .

It sounds like you are reaching a place of acceptance. I always felt the hardest part of estrangement was accepting, either accepting that the other person won't change or accepting that estrangement is the right choice.

You're absolutely correct Beescrete, reaching that place of acceptance is the hardest part of estrangement.

Careen145

Due to the nature of relationships, more than one perspective matters. You may consider the comment to be innocent and small, but the other party may have it stuck on their mind forever and you don't get to decide how they should feel about it.

There are a lot more troubling things about your way of thinking that I don't care to get into but at least you managed to say one wise thing, not everyone should be a parent.

I think that’s incredibly harsh and a little unfair.

Smileless2012

Well it may not only be the OP who'll be relieved to know that you don't care to get into anything else that she's had the courage to share Careen: I know I am.

I'm always extremely suspicious of such an unpleasant response from someone whose never posted on GN before specki4eyes and hope Gmax ignores it.

It is sad when we must accept that the relationship we have with AC isn't what we thought it would be Gmax and FWIW I think you're doing the right thing letting go of your hopes and dreams and doing what you can to live your best life.

I'm glad that counselling has enabled you to build your self esteem because that takes a real battering when your AC treat you this way.

Stay strong and keep doing what you're doing .

I completely agree with you.

Whilst Careen may feel she’s “giving good advice” her comments are heartless and she should perhaps take a little of her own advice.

If you feel estrangement is the better path for your wellbeing than keep on that road. If you desire to reconcile, I suspect your son's will want you to listen to and acknowledge things that hurt them even if you think they are insignificant. Neither choice is easy.

Gmax feels like she's estranged because there's so little contact.

Is something said that gets on your nerves the same as finding what's said hurtful? I don't think it is.

These sorts of situations are becoming more common. I think the cause is not always due to influence or manipulation from their partners or partner's family. Think about the role social media plays, and the ways in which hostile actors can use social media to destabilise a society, for instance. What better way to wage war on a nation than to create rifts within; to break family bonds.
Or it could be that a lot of younger people are disenchanted with the world in general because of the chaos that has been brought by greedy megalomaniacs and that disenchantment is projected onto their own parents.

Anyway, whatever the cause, simply saying irritating things (without meaning to) is no excuse for your AC to ignore you. Heck, I cannot think of a single person who hasn't irritated me at some point! It's just part of life.

You are doing all the right things gmax.
Although not estranged, my AC will rarely contact me unless he wants something. He's not rude but it's like he fails to see me as an individual. It's disappointing but I very quickly learned to not let it upset me but to simply accept that's the way it is for now.