Social media

So sad Morrisminor
I don’t think it’s a crime to ‘friend-request’ someone on FB.
Try it and I wish you luck.

I would say that this depends on your relationship with your son's wife. Would she see this as you going behind her back or would she like the children to continue a relationship with you?

Meta now has Teen Accounts for those aged 13-17 that are set to protective Teen Account settings which by default restrict friend requests.

Settings can be changed but parent and teenager enter into an agreement over what these are, what the teen can and can't do including who they are allowed to befriend and communicate with.

Parents will receive a push notification if their teen changes any of these settings.

In other words, don't try to do this without the mother's consent or you could make a bad situation worse.

If the children's mother isn't enabling/allowing you to see them, I don't see that you really have anything to lose Morrisminor.

Why isn't your son seeing his own children? Has he been to court for access/joint custody?

I don't think this is a very good idea

I think you could 'friend request' if you so choose.

However, I suspect your DIL would see you in a 'bad light'.

Perhaps your son could allow you access during his visits?

Norah

I think you could 'friend request' if you so choose.

However, I suspect your DIL would see you in a 'bad light'.

Perhaps your son could allow you access during his visits?

The sin doesn't see the children though

Son not sin!

I can’t see what you have to lose, they would know you were thinking of them, my d never let my gd see my cards or gifts.

Graphite

Meta now has Teen Accounts for those aged 13-17 that are set to protective Teen Account settings which by default restrict friend requests.

Settings can be changed but parent and teenager enter into an agreement over what these are, what the teen can and can't do including who they are allowed to befriend and communicate with.

Parents will receive a push notification if their teen changes any of these settings.

In other words, don't try to do this without the mother's consent or you could make a bad situation worse.

I disagree. Unless the mother has explicitly told the OP and her son not to contact them, I don’t see how attempting to reach out can be worse than no contact at all. Worst case scenario OP is told by the mother not to do it again. Best case is that she allows some contact.

This is all provided OP’s son wasn’t an abuser who was enabled or protected by his mum. This is the only scenario I’d advise against contact, for the sake of the children. They would be better off with no contact in such a case. If no abuse took place, shoot your shot!

If you reach out, send a message first instead of a friend request, if allowed by the app.

Unless as you say there's been abuse BlessedArt, a mother has no right to keep a father away from his children.

A mother can’t legally keep any non-abusive father away if that father fights for his children. Sadly, too many men and their apologist families can come up with every excuse in the world as to why fighting for his parental rights is “too hard”. “Too expensive”, “too far to travel”, “I don’t like communicating with her.”Much easier simply chalk it up to the “mother keeping a father away”. I have little sympathy for fathers who won’t fight for their children. Hoping the OP’s son is neither an abuser nor sad sack excuse maker of an absentee father. Hoping her son is fighting for his children like a decent human would.

How long is it since you or your son have been in touch with Morrisminor?

The age they are now I would have expected them to stay in touch when they went, if they wanted to.

Or if it was some time ago, when they were younger, a friend request might seem a bit odd, coming out of the blue.

Do you think there might be better ways to try to re-establish contact?

If your son isn’t seeing them is there a reason why ? Has he applied for contact? At their age their opinions would be taken into account in any decision made.
If they wanted to see you, they are old enough to do so independently, assuming you don’t live too far away.
Personally I would not go on to social media, your son should be dealing with this.

A father shouldn't have to fight to see his own children BlessedArt, and any decent human being wouldn't be deliberately keeping their children's father away from them.

Obviously it’s always better for parents to agree access but if there is disagreement between them, as a child welfare issue, decisions are made by the family court.
The older the children, the more notice is taken of their wishes.
If the person with the children is stopping the other parent from seeing the children it’s the only way to go, until the children are older and can make up their own minds. These children are old enough to decide for themselves.
It’s a very sad situation.

I wonder if you and your son would be better off asking this question if a solicitor, one who specialises in family law. Most solicitors will give a half hour consultation free. They would also be able to give advice on other ways that your son can gain access to his children.

Smileless2012

A father shouldn't have to fight to see his own children BlessedArt, and any decent human being wouldn't be deliberately keeping their children's father away from them.

Lot’s of things shouldn’t happen for lot’s of reasons. That’s life. The reality is that break-ups get messy and people don’t behave well. It doesn’t absolve any parent from giving up on their minor children. There are no excuses for not pursuing the fight to ensure your children know they are wanted and loved by their father. You have nothing to say to me about anyone else’s behaviour that will make me change my position on a parent’s duty to his/her children, so I’m not quite sure what the point of this conversation is. The children exist, the parent must fight through whatever hurdles it takes until the children are legally old enough for it to be pointless in the courts.

The children are living with their mother silverlining and it wont be easy for them to go against their mother's wishes while they are.

Even when there's a court order in place granting for example a father's access to his children, if the mother makes it virtually impossible by making up excuses as to why the children aren't available, the only redress the father has is to return to court but that wont stop a parent determined to prevent access.

With the virtual withdrawal of legal aid for such cases, for some father's it simply isn't possible financially to keep fighting through the court system.

I am afraid your son needs a lawyer.

Why doesnt he have access to his kids? Is there a custody agreement established?

I don't think a friend request on F'bk is a very good idea. It might well cause a problem with dil and she could easily say you've gone behind her back. This may not look good if your son has to resort to taking a legal route in order to be allowed to see his children. Imo you need to tread very carefully until access is agreed.

Don't even think about it! Depending on where you live, the 16 year old may be considered old enough to get in touch with you without her mother's permission, but this is doubtful.

You probably are not breaking a law in contacting them, but you most likely are making a rod for your own back.

I would wait and send the eldest a letter by registered mail on her 18th birthday saying that you would be thrilled if she would get in touch now that she has attained her majority, and that you have not contacted any of them earlier, as you did not want to upset their mum. Ask her to give her siblings your love

I've been in the same situation, although the kids were taken away from their father (my son) and it was easier for her to distance herself. It would have been very difficult for the rest of the family to see the kids and him not be around all the time. And I agree with their mother, he should never be near those kids, ever.

Now those kids are 18 and 16, I do want to contact them and they're on Facebook and tiktok. My daughter is desperate to get in contact (she has been for a long time but I urged her to respect their mums wishes and wait until they're adults. She's now made herself known by liking a few things and I looked at my granddaughters tiktok page and she will be notified about it. But I don't know what they know about us, their surnames have been changed so don't match mine or my daughters anymore. If they haven't been told about us then they may not have the foggiest idea and we're nothing more than strangers on the internet to them... I haven't seen them since they were 4 and 2 so they certainly wouldn't recognise me by a photo.

But I have a tendency to think about these things for so long it becomes far too late, I probably won't decide to do anything for another 20 years.

But you contacting them isn't illegal and if they want a relationship with you or their father then their mother really should allow that... If not you do have legal rights as a grandparent.