Veni et ego profectus sum rumpitur

MawBroon I wholeheartedly agree with you. I got "sucked" into one of them and came away feeling horrible and quite "dirty".

I have always felt comfortable on this site, but not over the Festive Season.

I do wonder if those threads were being used for research of some dubious nature?

Hopefully all is well and back on track for a helpful, friendly and supportive 2019 on Gransnett.

No Maw you were not alone, there were a few threads I thought of posting on, but as I am stressed out getting ready to go into Hospital on Wednesday, I decided online abuse was not a good prospect.

GN has been spoiled for me also over Christmas. People being deliberately obtuse, having a go at regular posters, trying to derail threads, then playing the victim when challenged and disappearing off the scene once they have caused disruption.
That's why I'm sticking to my regualr innocuous threads for the time being.
Such a pity as I enjoyed GN.

In response to your statement, Maw: Illegitimi non carborundum Of course this is not real Latin!

I agree 100%.
I faced a dilemma with these posts.
I felt I should ignore them - not sustain them with the oxygen of publicity - that was my head speaking.
Deep down I was angry and at times said so.

For so many of us, GN is our only experience of social media and I've come to the conclusion that some of us are therefore a bit naive in how we deal with it.
We were disappointed when the whole FB and msm s* hit the fan and the subsequent name changes and withdrawal of profiles did real damage to our faith in GN.

That ramble leads to my point that we are more vulnerable and more likely to suffer these invasions and disruptions unless those at GNHQ face up to our concerns.
Guidelines must be reviewed. Thou shalt not discuss trolling in discussions? The very mention of that T word invites deletion. Piffle!
Only GNHQ may deal with the issue (it may take an age to do so, leaving scope for many vile and hurtful posts in the meantime) Unreasonable!
Racist and arrogant posts remain in place while genuine concerns are ignored unless they are expressed in terms acceptable to GNHQ.

I don't know if I've addressed the issues you raised maw but I've got off my chest some of what's been bothering me over the last few weeks.

I agree, MawBroon. I avoid these arguments like the plague as I know they would upset me. What amazes me is how quickly a thread can sometimes descend into a battle of insults and nastiness.

My father (army) used to say nil desperandum carborundum which he translated as "Never let the b***** grind you into the dust.

Yes, I share all the above concerns. I usually drop out of threads as soon as they become personal and/or post something to try and get it back on track, but this Christmas, it has been quite unpleasant at times.

I do think it should be possible to express online when we have doubts about a thread. Do it mildly and it is open to the OP to come back and post more background info that shows it is genuine. Several have done this. If they do not come back, we can draw our own conclusions and anyone new to the site will see the warning and can act as they think best.

mcem I agree with everything in your post. Those of us, who've been on here for years, can often sense when a OP doesn't seem right. Flagging up a message to other posters via the 'forbidden' garment is a way of, not only alerting others, but a way of ??? to see if others feel the same before reporting it.

I think it's a good filtering system, otherwise we'd possibly be contacting HQ right, left and centre over posts we weren't sure about!

Squiffy that's actually my real concern - that GNHQ insist that the only way to deal with those posts is by reporting and then leaving all decisions to the moderators. A revision of the guidelines (with genuine input from members) might go some way to changing the attitude that only the 'grown-ups' can deal with problems while the 'children' are asked to play nicely!

One of my concerns is how quickly an OP can become hostile and abusive when there is even a whisper of challenge or that “ maybe YABU” even ordering people not to post on “their” thread as has happened to me more than once.

I won’t give them oxygen. I’ve noticed that, as in real life, if people looking to stir get an answer they don’t leave it there, they keep digging, even being contrary, just to see how far they can push. Once they score a hit by making someone cross they then turn victim. It’s goading or low level bullying to try to get someone else into trouble.

Whatever happened to ‘if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all’!

I am new on here, I found you when I googled something I was bothered about.

I admit I was "scared" about contributing to anything reading some of the posts. I did use another forum when in business and some of the posters on here (who now appear to have been and gone) reminded me so much of people on there, their style of posting was almost identical. I was almost convinced it could be them.

Some personal posts worried me and now someone has said about gathering information, I can see that now.

I think you are all lovely, helpful people, and I have found a lot of information here very useful indeed, it is good to realise when you are struggling with something you are not alone. There is a lot of humour in the mix, that is so good to read.

I have only been on Gransnet for a few months and have to admit to NOT reading every post but I did sense a change over the festive period. Seeing names I had never seen before, reading threads that made me feel quite uncomfortable and disappointed with the nature of the post. Felt sometimes these people were on just to cause an unsettlement amongst true Gransnetters. I would do
as Marydoll quietly suggested and hopefully we will all return to peace, tranquility and humour.

I agree with all of the above comments.

I was deleted because I referred to "windy weather" as a warning about a fake thread.

I agree alao.

However, I do think that occasionally even a few old hands, myself included, could choose our words more carefully. Even if it looks as though a person has brought everything on themselves and asks us if we think they are in the wrong, they rarely want to be told yes; in reality they may be feeling fragile, and being told too bluntly that their problem it is all their fault, can destroy them. As few, if any, of us are trained counsellors we could potentially do a lot of harm. Having said that, I am often humbled by the kindness and wisdom I see on these pages.

There's nothing worse and more damaging to the soul than being abused online.
I came onto this site by way of respite from years of abuse by those whose views differed from my own and who'd thought it their right to involve others to gang up on me.
I am a strong person and stuck to my beliefs regardless, telling myself that I'll overcome the abuse and insults as the actual subject was/is one of interest to me so I battled on.

There is only so much that you can take and August last year,I walked away. I did note that the abusers on both forums involved, also disappeared ! So their only reason to be there was to insult,abuse and belittle. The owner of one of the forums is--------an ex-police officer ! who seemingly condoned this behaviour and at times found the whole thing amusing as he too joined in.

Because of this behaviour on the forum that I frequented, all the best posters started to leave, at the same time pm'ing myself at their disgust of the way I was treated. I keep in touch with 4 members who've left the forum which I'd been a member for over 6 years. This other forum which is set up is purely for abuse and insults when anyone sees my posts. It's just so disgusting as I enjoyed the discussions by those who were more educated and knowledgeable such as a barrister who was backing me during those nasty " taunts ".

. Even if it looks as though a person has brought everything on themselves and asks us if we think they are in the wrong, they rarely want to be told yes; in reality they may be feeling fragile, and being told too bluntly that their problem it is all their fault, can destroy them

I could not agree more starbird but this has not usually been the case (I was paraphrasing when I said they are told “YABU”) and initial responses are usually kind and patient. When that patience is countered with instant possibility defensive hostility it is hard. Why are people so touchy though? Their response can cause as much hurt and damage too - and it is sometimes hard to see it as anything other than deliberate.

I agree. There is someone on here whose views on religion and politics are diametrically opposed to mine, but she is respectful and considerate and kind, and I like to think of her as a virtual friend. The key is respect, I think.
I‘m perplexed by the references to onesies!

I recieved a lot of abuse, intimidation and humiliation when I posted about the system here for a knee replacement op.
I have it done on Wednesday and have chosen the Hospital where I will go after the op for rehabilitation. I am very depressed at the moment and having really bad thoughts about the op.
I would have liked to have posted for some moral support but was afraid to do so.

Flagging up a message to other posters via the 'forbidden' garment is a way of, not only alerting others, but a way of ??? to see if others feel the same before reporting it.

I must have missed something, what is the 'forbidden' garment?

Have to agree about some of the threads over the Christmas period. I don't understand why people do it. Are their lives so empty and devoid of interest that the only thing they can do for entertainment is attempt to upset others?

Maw, I noticed too over. Christmas how nasty GN had become, I was quite shocked at some of the argumentative vitriolic comments , Where did that come from !Someone bored , had too many sherries, hopefully they have gone away and GN can go back to the friendly forum it was,

The forbidden garment is the "onesie". Many spoof threads were started, ostensibly discussing the merits or otherwise of the garment.
Some posters thought that by mentioning it they were flagging up a suspect thread to those 'in the know', while avoiding mentioning trolling.
GN does not allow troll-spotting and now also delete posts which reference "onesies".
I didn't use this ploy as I'd rather discuss the censorship issue openly.
Not criticising those who thought it was a useful device. It was worth a try and was successful in attracting GN's attention but so far hasn't achieved any more. It also confused newer posters.

I tend to steer clear of these sort of threads - or make one contribution, then recognise that the OP is simply not listening, and waste no more energy on it.

I think disagreements are healthy, but not for their own sake. annie and I have lively differences of opinion and that is interesting and healthy - but being unpleasant is not acceptable.

To be ignored I think.

Just stay clear of the rumpity-pumpity -tur!