Veni et ego profectus sum rumpitur

There are posters who give us every detail of their problem in a long post, then there are those who only give part of the story. Both are difficult but the latter is the worst I think. Gransnetters have offered advice or commented on the post only to be told that they are wrong because there are important details we have not been told initially.
Even if the original poster disappears it gives others chance to share their experiences and maybe help each other.

Perhaps “agonise” is overstating it, but there are often pages of advice, discussion of the advice, discussion about the discussion and OP nowhere to be seen.

Or he (perhaps masquerading as a she).

The worst part of it is that it makes us suspicious of unknown posters who may have genuine problems.

A new thread with an extremely long OP, unpunctuated and not in paragraphs, is difficult to follow, but too little information can lead one to jump to the wrong conclusions.

I never do.
I do worry about threads which tell of children getting hit and so on..

Do posters really agonise though? We're talking about people we don't and more than likely will never know.

In my original post I had intended to draw attention the “I came, I stirred, I left again” element. I always feel very suspicious of an OP who disappears over the horizon leaving well meaning members often agonising over her predicament.

NanaandGrampy I agree absolutely and usually treat that remark with some cynicism but in this case I believe I really shocked him by my reaction.

He was profuse in his apologies and later told his wife he hoped he hadn't ruined our friendship.

My first post on GN (about 5 years ago) expressed my sorrow and guilt over the death of a friend who had played an important part in my life. I was received with nothing but kindness and compassion I’m so pleased people weren’t suspicious of new posters back then while also saddened and disappointed in myself knowing I have held back from responding to someone new ‘just in case’.

Springychicken spot on ?

oldbatty don’t take it to heart. As a well-known former member once remarked, it’s only an internet forum.

Hi BradfordLass , welcome! Interesting post !

I do wonder though , sometimes I have found that when people say ‘What, what did I say’ - it’s a bit faked - a bit pretending to be guileless. A kind of way of pretending not to offend when actually they said exactly what they meant.

So you could be right and it’s just natural to a poster or ...I could be right and they mean exactly what they say , but it’s easier to do it from the anonymity of hiding behind a keyboard.

I would love your explanation to be right though .

Miss A , its so mean what EV said. Of course, I've got it now, people can be nasty with impunity. Over and Out.

Exactly, Menopaws. It's not one size fits all when dealing with unknown posters. I will often err on the side of caution and ignore an OP from the start or I might make one supportive (or not) comment and see how the land lies. If I decide it's a waste of time I just leave it. There's no need to flounce in a flurry of indignation because it just takes the thread in another direction but then maybe that's the intention?

This thread will probably end up in arguments..
New year, clean slate..

Provoking sorry not proving

Surely we can decide what to read, how to respond, when to respond, when not to respond, when to chip in, when to support, when to raise our eyes, when to shout at a post and when to add our thoughts. That is the whole point of gransnet surely, no need to flounce off or openly protest, just take a second before you tap the keyboard and decide whether you want to deal with any feedback, good or bad. Enjoy the company, despair at some obvious idiots vying for attention and take the bits out that make you think and smile, it is a great way to be involved in an articulate thought proving and witty forum. Enjoy.

I'm an absolute newbie and wasn't here at Christmas, so didn't see any of the post which hurt people but may I respectfully offer an insight into some human behaviour.

I went to stay with a friend (and her husband) whom I'd had known via letters and her brief visit to my house for over 10 years.

I could not believe how they insulted one another all the time and seemed to think it not only acceptable but funny.

They were incredibly negative in a way I just couldn't understand - but to them it was normal. And contrary as it may sound, obviously loved one another.

Downright nastiness is a different thing but if you come from a family (and there are many) who use this combative way of working, maybe you get desensitized?

My friend's husband, used to the way he and she worked, said quite a few things to me which had me on the verge of tears but when I told him how hurtful he was being, fell back wide-eyed and upset, 'What? What did I say?'

So when people post things here in a manner which seems sharp or harsh to us who do not live like that, maybe that's where they are coming from.

You know what, I am me. I have one identity on here. I don't play games. There are some people on here and I don't know how they live with themselves.

felice I hope all goes well with your operation on Wednesday.
There are other Gransnetters who've had this done so would it be worth searching for some old threads on the subject if you don't want to start another thread?

Good luck

Ellan, that is so horrible of you really. I don't have a forked tongue. You said ( feel free to check anybody) that the entire population of Iraq and Iran hate us UK citizens. This is clearly untrue.

Please explain yourself.

I think things can be misinterpreted without the nuances of speech and without being able to see facial expressions.
It could have been me who has unintentionally upset a returner, well, if it was me, then I didn't mean to.

I was one who received oldbatty's forked tongue, so I know !

I'm sorry to hear that oldbatty. Perhaps it's time to ditch the keyboard?
I hope I'm not unpleasant either irl or on here.

Are you, oldbatty? It’d be interesting to know if that’s the norm or not. I wouldn’t say anything on here that I wouldn’t say to someone’s face.

Maybe Chew ( including myself here) we should try to respond as we do in real life. I am much more unpleasant behind my keyboard.

Very early on I was told by one OP to stop posting on “her” thread as I was just mean and nasty.
Hurt! ???????????