The most annoying phrases heard in your house!

I wish there was a like button

Your number 1 phoenix closely followed by “what can I do to help you”? When linked to any household task such as cleaning - as only I make it dirty .

#4 "Who's moved my ........, I left it right there on that chair." 10 minutes later, item is found in a totally different place than that chair

#5 "I ate - last slice of bread, last of the milk, whatever-- because I didn't know you hadn't bought any more and never bothered to check before I took it

Just noticed typos in my OP please excuse them!

GNHQ, edit funtion, please!??

Similar to DH’s “where has my ....... been put?”, Chewbacca. Hmm, there are only the two of us here, I wonder who he thinks has done the putting?

Oh phoenix, nearly wet myself when I read the cat vomit one!

Please can I add
#6 Which colour bins is it today? (despite colour-coded calendar on inside of cupboard door and it always being the one he didn't take out last week!)

Him,"Do you need anything" said on his way out of the door.
Me, "eggs, butter sugar, toothpaste, pasta, teabags. (as an example).

I hadn't finished!
Him "why didn't you write a list"
Me, "it's on the wall"!
We have a shopping list and things to do board with said list attached. She does he never look!!!

Why, where did she come from.

Can you get me...………….? usually from the kitchen and just as I`m about to (finally) sit down.

“I’ve cleaned your bathroom for you” Er, no I don’t think you have, ‘cos the one you’ve just cleaned is the one YOU use everyday...you haven’t been anywhere near the tiny en-suite I use!

Just to add, we don't actually have a dishwasher, but included it as I thought it might ring true with those that do!.

GrandmaKT sorry to say there is another cat vomit related incident, posted on here many years ago, if I can find it, I will post it again, just for you!

Mr P is a drainage engineer, usually specialising in flood plain management, but not averse to inspecting drains, septic tanks etc. Turds & tampons bobbing around in some disgusting mess, no problem, but a bit of cat sick or ask him to clean the liter tray, and he's definitely marked absent!

How about - Daph's been in the tray - I've put it outside! What's wrong with emptying it?!

Or - the cat's being sick shouted from the sofa as I'm in the kitchen/working or nowhere in sight!

We spent an hour the other day searching for the Playstation handset (which he never uses by the way) in every conceivable place including several boxes in the garage. Did you look by the tv says I - yes says grumpy (by this time bemoaning the fact he'd have to throw the thing away) - did you look under the tv? Um no - didn't think of that - and there it was!

One of mine is” you are doing that all wrong”. I had this statement made too me as I started to defrost the freezer. I have been defrosting our freezer for 40 years or so, alone, unaided and completely successfully. OH stood and watched me the other day, he who has NEVER NEVER NEVER defrosted a freezer in his life and uttered that phrase.
He was SO lucky I wasn’t standing next to the knife block.
Thank god he’s retired now and can point out where Im going wrong

“What you need to is.....” - usually uttered pleasantly from a chair whilst I’m doing anything my own way ?

Nothing now, but still remember ‘ your car won’t start, your car has a puncture’ rest of the time it was ‘ I need to take my car today ‘.

In this house its "Your cat has been on the litter/been sick" when its usually "Daddys little boy!
Or "Your washing is still out" when its a full load of his work gear.
The best one was when I returned from 2 weeks away at my daughters "I did your washing" meaning all the things he had worn while I was away but not the bedding, towels etc.

Who left the shed door open ?? now why would I go into his shed what reason do I have to go into there.

Mine says, if I've been out and just come back 'I've taken the vacuum round'. Wait while I get you a medal. He's very good around the house though to be honest. Not house related, but every time I say I have a minor ailment he says 'it's to be expected at our age'. Every time! Well I got ailments when I was 12 actually.

My DH was in a job where he used a radio to communicate with colleagues. Thanks to his job and being rather too near to loud explosions etc he is now very deaf. When he doesn't hear what I say (which despite hearing aids) is almost every blooming time he says "say again" as he would on the radio. I swear I'm going to have it carved on his gravestone!!!!!!
That and "where's my.....?" When he hasn't even tried to look for it. Grrrrrr

Oh yes, mine is - would you like me to do that FOR YOU - peel potatoes, sweep up his mess/ bring in washing/etc

Mine is , I have looked everywhere it's not here!

That's the beauty of not living with your OH/partner.
Nothing gets moved or eaten unless I move it or eat it, so that last cold roast potato or slice of home-baked apple pie, is still in the fridge until I fancy a snack.

Also that 'Have you seen such and such? I put it there and now it's gone.' I tell him I haven't seen it and he says 'oh that's strange because I put it right there'. I say 'So you're saying I moved it then'. 'No' he says 'but I put it there'. I tell him that there are only two of us living here, so he must be saying I moved it. Then he finds it in a totally different place where he actually put it. It's a good job I'm perfect that's all I can say!