Gransnet forums

Chat

Courage

(30 Posts)
Daisynance123 Thu 05-Apr-18 02:01:10

Being old and living alone I could handle. Being old,living alone and ill,however,had proven to be something else entirely.
I always held closely the old maxim ' A coward dies a thousand deaths but a brave man dies only once '. So you can imagine my disgust when , recently, I started having anxiety attacks.
I'm not alone in this,I know, but how do other Gransnetters handle this situation?
Any words of wisdom would be so appreciated.

cavewoman Thu 05-Apr-18 03:09:28

Oh Daisy. It's frightening isn't it? But definitely not cowardly.
There are various ways to deal with these attacks but you know really that your first step must be to your GP.
flowers

BlueBelle Thu 05-Apr-18 06:06:08

They re horrid I ve never had one but seen both my very strong daughter (years ago) have one and more recently my big strong sportsman of a grandson
Do you do the brown paper bag trick to calm your hyperventilating breathing ? And there are lots of useful tricks to slow down your panicking mind if you google it I think you will find lots of tips
GPs vary some are very good with non physical things and some aren’t but definitely worth a visit to rule everything else out
Daisy don’t be disgusted with yourself we all have times when we feel out of control of life I m sure you will come back to how you want to be soon Take care ?

Marydoll Thu 05-Apr-18 07:08:49

Daisynance please don't beat yourself up about this. My friend is a very strong person and is the last person you would expect to suffer anxiety attacks, but she does. It can be very frightening when she thinks she is having a heart attack.
It can also be a sign of an underlying condition.
Please go and have a chat with your GP. Take care flowers

Chinesecrested Thu 05-Apr-18 08:07:58

It's not even just an age thing, Daisy. My ddil's sister is only 25 and she suffers from anxiety and panic attacks too! My own personal mantra is not to worry about things you have no control over. It sounds a bit facile, I know, but it seems to work for me (although I know it's not that easy). Maybe a course of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) might work?

cornergran Thu 05-Apr-18 08:11:40

Totally agree daisy, please don’t blame yourself about this. It was once explained to me that anxiety is necessary at ‘normal’ levels or people simply wouldn’t exist as we’d all be doing really dangerous things. So in its proper place anxiety keeps us safe. The problem comes when anxiety is triggered inappropriately and begins to overwhelm us in an anxiety or panic attack which are thoroughly unpleasant and can be frightening. It’s not about being weak, it’s oh so common as others have said. Again I’m agreeing, please do speak with your GP, there is a lot of help available, simple techniques can help a lot so yes, an internet search can also help. Wishing you well, you’ve made the first step by acknowledging what’s happening flowers.

KatyK Thu 05-Apr-18 09:47:00

After several traumatic life events, I now find I suffer with general anxiety disorder. It has got so bad lately that I am almost afraid to go out. There is no logic attached to this and people can't understand it as on the surface I have a nice life but the fact is I am scared all the time sad I agree with others to see your GP before it gets out of hand. People who suffer from anxiety are very brave people, as no one can understand how awful it is unless they've suffered. There is no need to feel disgust with yourself. These things happen to the best of us. Good luck flowers

Nonnie Thu 05-Apr-18 09:51:23

Daisy sorry no advice, just want to say I'm feeling sad for you. I expect others will be able to help.

Teetime Thu 05-Apr-18 10:22:06

daisy as others have said this is not a failure of courage you have plenty - writing to us here shows that. What you have is a clinical condition which is manageable but you need help with it. First port of call the GP- let us know how you get on. flowers

Luckygirl Thu 05-Apr-18 10:26:28

Anxiety attacks are grim; do not make it even worse by beating yourself up about lack of courage. It is illogical. Seek treatment for it as you would for a broken leg. You are one of many. It has nothing to do with courage.

I do hope that you get some help for this soon. flowers

silverlining48 Thu 05-Apr-18 11:17:22

This happened to me last year, I thought my heart was going to burst out of my body. I can only assume it was a panic attAck. It was terrifying. Please speak to your doctor and though I have no advice, others on here do. Good luck daisy.
Let us know how you are getting on. We are always here. You are not alone.

SueDonim Thu 05-Apr-18 14:21:11

Gosh, Daisy, put away any feeling of disgust! You've had a physical reaction to a stressful event. It's not a 'failure of moral fibre' or whatever others might once have said.

A while ago I had the most terrible migraine ever, far worse than any others I've had. I saw the doctor and it turned out to be a panic attack alongside the migraine, probably caused by the physical stress of the migraine. I was given a simple beta blocker tablet and within half an hour I felt my old self again.

Do seek some help for this, alongside 'futureproofing' your life. There's no point in enduring undue suffering.

teabagwoman Fri 06-Apr-18 10:00:16

Daisynance123 I’ve only just seen your post and all the good advice you’ve been given especially about not beating yourself up about it. Remember that this is nothing to do with your strength, courage or anything else, it’s an illness that has been visited on you, it’s not part of you. You are facing up to it and looking for ways of coping, that’s bravery. I do hope your GP will be helpful and you will be through this soon.

Apricity Fri 06-Apr-18 10:07:32

As Bette Davis famously said "getting old isn't for cissies". Having worked in "aged care" for many years I thought I had sort of faced the issues if somewhat vicariously. Ha Ha. It looks very different close up. It's all fine and dandy when we are sailing along, doing pretty well, not too bad etc. But it looks very different when health issues, family problems, isolation, loneliness start rearing their ugly heads.

I don't know the answers, wish I did. There is no right or wrong answer or solution. Seek professional help about the specific health issues, cherish your friends and family and most of all cherish yourself. You are a survivor and you are strong. You are not a coward. Do whatever gives you pleasure and comfort and tomorrow the sun will still rise and bathe the world in beauty. Take care of yourself. ?

luluaugust Fri 06-Apr-18 11:31:56

Please don't think of yourself as a coward, you are human and everybody has trouble coping at sometime or other. If this is the first time you have had to deal with the mental side of a physical illness then try to be kind to yourself, there is always such good advice on here can I just add relaxation exercises there are plenty on the internet. flowers

Suzan05 Fri 06-Apr-18 11:37:35

I really feel for you, I had anxiety attacks when going through the menopause and had two or three very early in my first marriage when I knew I had married the wrong man to please my parents.
They are very scary and you feel totally out of control. I had help from my GP who sent me for CBT as antidepressants, which she tried first, made me worse. CBT was wonderful, I had two sets of eight sessions and learned so much. I’ve had no problems since. My daughter in law has also had CBT to help her overcome post natal depression, she has also found it invaluable. I was lucky and didn’t have to wait for treatment although I know in some areas there are waiting lists. It is possible to have private CBT but I don’t know how expensive it would be. Thinking of you and I do hope you get the help you need really quickly. ?

Cuckoo22 Fri 06-Apr-18 11:53:32

Daisy, it’s horrible when such things happen, and there are so many of us that have the same problem. I found mindfulness training so very helpful. CBT was out of my price range and not available through GP. Tablets didn’t really help as once I stopped them it all came back. Armchair yoga also helped. There is a lot on the internet that you can try. See what fits best, but do go to your GP and see what they can offer you. Be brutally honest with them though. Hope you recover soon.

gran5up Fri 06-Apr-18 12:02:06

Bless you Daisy, I hope some of the strategies suggested by the Gransnet sisterhood help you.
Also please remember that as we age we become less certain, we can't rely on our ageing bodies or minds so we are prone to "twittering"-not at all as serious as anxiety but we're nearly all on the starting blocks!
Good luck and God bless

henetha Fri 06-Apr-18 12:02:08

Every sympathy to you Daisy. I've been in your situation .
Eventually I sought help and was sent to Cognitive Therapy classes which taught me how to handle the anxiety attacks.
Maybe you could get your doctor to refer you if there is similar help available in your area. It's all about controlling your breathing and telling yourself that you are not actually going to have a heart attack, or whatever. In time it works.
Good luck to you. I agree about being old and living alone, but being ill is a whole different matter. You are not a coward at all, just human.

b1zzle Fri 06-Apr-18 12:42:56

There is nothing cowardly about panic attacks. It has taken me many years and a lot of counselling, psychotherapy and CBT to come to terms with them and accept them for what they are and it's helped. Please see your doctor and talk to him.

grannyinmypocket Fri 06-Apr-18 12:43:03

Anxiety attacks are awful as you have no control over them, and you can't switch your anxiety off, I also have PTSD, I got counselling through my work, the counsellor was great, and it did help, I do hope you can get help with this???

OldMeg Fri 06-Apr-18 12:49:12

Being old, and alone and ill is so sad and frightening Daisy

Would it help you feel less isolated if you had one of those panic buttons that some already have on here. I know you generally have to pay a fee, but it might make you feel there’s help on hand if something happens???

lemongrove Fri 06-Apr-18 14:12:31

Daisy it must be scary when you live alone and are ill.I have only thought about this recently as I have a friend in that situation. Are you ill at the moment? Wishing you well.flowers
As to the anxiety and panic attacks, you do need a self calming strategy.Some good advice already been given on here.

Saggi Fri 06-Apr-18 14:19:51

It’s knowing what triggers your anxiety attacks that’s the key. I had one once .... I was coming into work on the bus and looked over to the hospital where my daughter had just been dis bathed after yet another serious asthma attack. All of a sudden my heart went into meltdown .... it was beating 200 beats a min it seemed to me...I was sweating ....felt I was choking, thought I was having a heart attack! How I managed to get off that bus and find my way home is beyond me. I literally fell in the door and my husband called a doctor( those were the days eh!?). My extremely sensible old fashioned doctor came and told me I’d had a panic attack and asked what I was doing when it occurred. I told him about looking over to the hospital and thinking how glad I was that my daughter had lived through another trauma . He said “there you go, that’s it, stressing over her has done this”. My daughter was 6 and she’d been in hospital 8 times ....she was to eventually to be hospitalised 34 times.!!! I never had another attack. Thanks mostly to a very clever understanding old fashioned doctor . No counsellors... no treatment..... just a very knowing calm doctor! He da ed my daughter many times with his quick descisive action ...and that day he da ed me from a life of panic attacks!

Saggi Fri 06-Apr-18 14:21:17

‘Saved’