could it be the bed?

Hi Jordana and welcome to Gransnet

Maybe, a bit like Goldilocks, you are just trying to find out which bed is just right ! Or maybe you are just used to the feel of the double bed? I wouldn't go to the expense of buying another bed though as it probably won't make any difference whatsoever and you will lose even more sleep worrying about the money you have wasted. Sorry I can't offer any advice but from a fellow sufferer, you have my sympathy.

I still get very hot at night and am in the process of trying to find a good pillow - goose feather/down is too soft, others feel like bricks, so I hope there will be some good suggestions on here.

Sorry I can't be helpful but, like you, I have questions not answers.
Although I do fancy one of those 6ft zip-together beds so one doesn't disturb the other turning over etc.

How about not starting in one bed and having to move half way through the night? Just choose where you're sleeping either the single or the double and just plain going straight there?

Sorry tried that. Have started in one bed determined to stay there but after a few hours tossing and turning getting hot and bothered, I move to the other bed to cool down

On one of my internet surfings I spotted a pillow designed to keep the user cool. It was intended for cancer patients but hot is hot regardless of the cause, so wonder if this might help you? I'll go and have a quick trawl and see if I can find a link.

Just asked Mr Google and found comparison website. Hope it might help.

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.comparaboo.co.uk/amp/best-cooling-pillows?client=safari

Do the sleeping tablets help to get you off to sleep but then you wake up, or are they not working at all now?

You could try buckwheat pillows. They are pillowcases filled with buckwheat husks and are great for keeping your head cool and can be 'moulded' to fit how you want. It may be worth trying as it would be cheaper than a new mattress! The company is Razzmataz -I'll have to check the spelling! You could just google organic buckwheat pillows and it should pop up. They also trade as Perfect Pillows. I've just bought a new one, they last for years.

Razzmatazz!

Is your bed too warm? Your body temperature drops as you fall asleep, so the bed could feel warmer to you later in the night than it did when you went to bed. Is the weight of the duvet oppressing you? Use a lighter duvet, with a thin blanket handy to add if the night gets cooler. Is the central heating on? Is the window open or closed? Have you had a hot drink not long before going to bed? How long since you ate? Did you watch the TV or a computer screen late in the evening? They are said to stimulate the brain more than reading a book. Experiment with different weights of nightwear, and with none.

Get a notebook and write down all variations of your bedtime routine each night, what the room temperature is, the covers, the ventilation level, everything that you vary. If you get up in the night, note that too. Then first thing in the morning without checking back on all the other notes for the night write down your impression of how well you slept.

Do this for a couple of weeks and then study your notes to see if you can find which combinations were best. Try not to prejudge until you have enough data collected to make sense.

Visit a store that specialises in beds and mattresses. DH has back problems and insomnia. There are so many different types of mattresses available you need to try a lot before you find the right one. Take your time choosing. Lay on the mattresses. You will know straight away which are definitely not for you. Once you've narrowed it down leave it for a few days and go back to try them again. It took DH several visits before he finally decided which was the best for him. A good store won't mind how many times you go back or how long it takes.

Thank you all for your comments and I certainly will look up the website you mentioned Kate and I will try the buckwheat pillows minimise. I have never heard of them before. Maybe a good idea to take notes of before and after sleeping ana although I stop drinking tea or having chocolate before bed. I understand that what works for one person, does, t work for another! Such is life

HI jordana and welcome. Please don't worry about moaning, that's what we are here for.

Have you tried a fan in the bedroom? I have a stand upy one (brain fog) and it has been a god send over the warmer months. I sleep on my own however, so your husband might have to invest in some thermals. Also I get my pillows from Lancashire Textiles, bounce back ones, lovely and snuggly but they don't go flat like others I have bought.

There is a dog cool pad which keeps pets cool but I have used the one I bought for my doggie under my feet and it really does work. Have a look on Amazon or ebay. They come in different sizes, in fact I do think they do a full body one for humans too.

Have you tried a memory foam topper for any of your beds? You can then sink into it as much as your body weight allows and it gives support all over. I have just got another one from Dreams as my old one had lost its memory.

There are also gel neck ties online too, which are filled with microbeads of gel and you put them in some cold water which swells the gel and then you can put them around pulse points, round the neck overnight is not a good idea but around your ankles or wrists maybe? They are only thin but do cool the body down a bit and are worth a go.

Also, do you suffer from restless leg syndrome at night? I do and I take an antihistamine tablet before bed to try to help. It works most of the time.

If you do worry about things as your are dropping off or find that you wake worrying, try to write things down before you go to bed. Write all your concerns down, however small and see if getting it out of your head helps to make you feel more relaxed.

Keep a radio station on very low. I sometimes sleep downstairs and have the tele on so that I feel someone is there and as a distraction to my illnesses or worries. At least that way I get some rest.

As you can tell, some people on here have tried lots of things to get to sleep and to stay asleep. I get between 2 and 4 hours a night, regardless of what time I go to bed. Let us know how you go on and happy zzzzzzzzzzz, I hope something works for you. X

I have 2 pillows, the bottom one is an ordinary pillow the one under my head is memory foam and I adore it.

My mattress is memory foam and I have a memory foam topper on top. I bought the topper before I bought the mattress to see if I liked it and I did. I kept the topper because I felt that the mattress was not as deep as my previous one.

I do not think that it would be for you because although I am cold when I go to bed, I wake up in the middle of the night roasting hot and this is one of the problems with memory foam. I do not mind because it is easier to cool down than to get warm.

As others have said, maybe try many different mattresses and see how you feel. I also would not go bed hopping each night- that is not helping you get a decent night's sleep.

We have very soft mattress on our spare bed and it almost breaks my back! If we've sacrificed our bed to the old mother (it's downstairs and en suite,so better for her) I usually end up in the attic room on the day bed which is firm firm and more firm!

However, on the pillow front I have solved all my problems with a Bamboo pillow I bought on Groupon last year. It's almost like a double pillow, with one half made up of big "pockets". Lovely and soft but a good plump pillow so lots of support to the neck. It keeps cooler than normal pillows too.
Sadly, as I was looking to buy a spare I find they are very expensive ... around £80-90!

We have a regular pillow top mattress, but after my back operation I have added TWO memory foam toppers. One is firm (denser and on bottom), the other is soft and on top of the firm one. It makes for a high bed and I need deep pocket fitted sheets. They are both about 2-3". That's made a huge difference!

Our bedroom is kept cool, window cracked open a bit. I bought quality duvets so as not to sweat under weight. And like others, I use two pillows, one flatty, one a contour memory foam, to keep my neck/spine aligned.

I take sleep aids, too.

Hot and flustered...hmmm. Menopause? Even a long time after the hots can come back and bother you!

I had a similar problem, following an illness. My thoughts now are that 'things' may help a bit, but more important is reducing stress levels (the problem in itself causes stress even if you're usually a calm person). The biggest help I've found has been attending yoga and mindfulness classes (very good experienced teacher). It has given me a way of dealing with wakefulness without getting 'hot and bothered' about it.
By the way, I'm not an exemplary pupil in the class, but enjoy it nevertheless.

We bought a memory foam topper which was so comfortable, but I got hot and OH said he felt too hot and it was ruining his sleep. Our mattress was getting on a bit so we found a bed with a 'natural mattress'. It is wool, cotton, silk and cashmere. 'Sounds exotic but I suspect the label is the bit of silk and the cashmere is probably 1% of the filling, but nonetheless because it is all natural it is wonderful to sleep on - cool in summer and warm in winter. We bought it in the sales incidentally for half price. I then went mad over the next couple of years and changed everything for natural fibres - Egyptian cotton sheets, feather pillows, all cotton mattress topper, down duvet - and we sleep so much better now without anything synthetic. This stuff is not cheap initially, but I waited for sales and discounts so saving a lot of money. Oh - and Yoga is very good too for helping you relax before bed!

World service on the bbc. Starts around 1 am after the shipping forecast on radio 4 which is a good intro. Its so boring you will nod off. Works a treat. Or radio 5 although its a tad more interesting.

If your mattress is too soft, try putting a sheet of plywood under it which will help stiffen it up before you decide to buy another one.

We also have a memory foam mattress which we invested in when we both started getting backache from our previous bed. You definitely need to try it first. We spent literally hours trying different ones, more than we've ever done before, and then liked different types so had to compromise on our second choices which we did agree on.

I don't find it hot at all but if you do I gather you can reduce this by using a cotton undersheet. It did take some time to get used to but it certainly cuts down the amount of tossing and turning.

If you do go for one of these, buy from the place that allows you 3 months to try and then return it if it doesn't suit you. The Tempura website offers a 100 night trial but I think other manufacturers may also do something similar. They are certainly more expensive than an average mattress though you can often get a decent discount and most come with a 10 year guarantee.

Apparently people spend more on their cooker - and replace it more often - than their mattress which seems surprising when you think how long you use them for.

I use an old high tog duvet as a mattress topper. I have hip and sciatica problems and it has helped enormously.

Own bed, memory foam topper , soft synthetic pillow, low tog duvet cover and eat early...around 6 pm and then maybe a few almonds and a little milk before bed, I have tried everything and cannot sleep if I eat a meal any time aftre 7pm....wake after 4 hours and burn up trying to digest the calories.

Thank you everyone for your comments and plenty of suggestions. As I said, my hubby has his own bedroom so we don,t disturb one another. He has a memory fon mattress and loves it! He also had memory foam pillow for years but then developed a stiff neck quite often so just has foam pillow. As for me, I tried his bed for a few nights and hated it, I looked up buckwheat pillows,but reviews said they were hard and noisy so I don,t think they are for me. Hungarian goose down pillows seem to have a good review but are pretty expensive, a bad mistake if it doesn't, t work. Hubby said it would be worth it though. Last night was bad and today I am shattered. It makes me swing between very rabbit and very emotional and completely passed off! I hope you understand my frustration as I am sure you will. Oh well, maybe just forget the lavender and camomile and this and that and just do what my grandson does and hit the nightclubs!

So many spelling errors on my last post!