Are you a natural "joiner"?

I'm much the same Soutra, I seem very gregarious on the outside, but I've always been very shy and definitely not a joiner!
I have lots of friends but I've known them all a long time.
I don't worry about it any more, it's just the way I am, so I would say, just enjoy being yourself.

I'm not a joiner although I'm trying to be. I've found since I retired long standing friends are either still working or are less available for some reason or the other. A friend of 30yrs has become weird, she has various illnesses and can no longer drive but she won't let me visit as she says the house is a tip although I've told her it matters not, I think she may have the beginnings of Dementia as we've had some very odd calls from her. We have such shared history too but she gets upset/angry if I say I'm going to pop in so I've all but given her up.

I did try the book club at our library but I found the choice of book really wasn't my thing and it was very clique and I felt like an outsider.

I'm just really glad now that OH is retired that we are 'best friends' and enjoy doing things together even if its just a walk to the chemist and back lol.. He's encouraged me to go to the GN coffee meetups in my area which have been nice and chatty but I do miss my old friends who know me and my family .

And me!

I've always liked the idea of joining groups and clubs but never found one which gels with me. Having felt like the outsider for most of my life I think it's time to embrace my introvert tendencies as I don't suppose I'll change at this stage in my life.

I'm the same Soutra and quite content at the moment while I'm working. If I can I hope to volunteer for the National Trust when I eventually retire but that's several years away unfortunately.

Like Lona I'm enjoying being 'me'.

I'm not a joiner, either. I'm not really very good at being organised (either by myself or by others)!
I volunteer at a local small museum/exhibition centre, and have agreed to be on their Friends committee, but do hope that all I have to do is make the tea at evening events !

I do not join, but am often being told off by my kids for talking to anyone I meet on the bus or in a queue. My grandson asks if I know that lady, and if not why did I talk to her. I tell him he can do the same when he's as old as me.
Most of the stuff where I live centres round the churches. I went to the coffee morning this morning as I met a neighbour on my way to get the paper, and was asked by someone if I was "one of us". I replied that I lived here, if that was what she meant. Not sure if it was.

I agree with you all....I wish I was a "joiner".....I did join our local U3A and attended a few groups.....but I didn't last !...all far too serious (and intellectual ) for me ! I love playing board games and so went for that group, but oh my stars, talk about competitiveness !! Felt far too intimidated...

I did join a book club too, and each month we'd take turns to choose a book, we'd all read it and then meet up for a discussion...but half the time the others either hadn't read the book, or only got half way as far too busy doing other things.....and really all they wanted to do was to natter....so not really a book club......now I'm reading this back I do sound a tad pompous and serious..but I'm really not like that...I just used to get annoyed with them all...and felt I had not a lot in common.

I now "envy" is a strong word, and I shouldn't say it, but I do wish I could be more sociable and I envy those who can quite happily be part of a group. I was an only child, and spent a good deal of my time on my own...so maybe it's ingrained !

I always wonder about book groups, Sheena, if you end up reading 11 books you do not want to just to discuss one that you do, assuming there are 12 people in your group.
Do men join book groups?

Well, reading this thread is quiet a revelation.
I never thought that there were others like me. I'd assumed that all those out going people I meet, were just that. I didn't think they might be secretly reserved like me. I would describe myself as out going but at the same time I can be an introvert. If someone strikes up a conversation on a train or sitting in the park, I will chat to them but I would never instigate the chat. When I was a teenager my best only friend's parents thought I was rude because I couldn't make conversation with them.
I used to go home wondering what those I'd been with were saying about me. Now I don't flippin care

I'm very similar to you, Sheena - I joined a scrabble club once and as you say the competitiveness is frightening!

Yes, men do join book clubs, although it's mostly been women in my experience. Sometimes couples join together.

The book club I belong to is mixed men and women. We have a list and if I have no idea about a book I do look it up on Amazon and should I come to the conclusion I really would not enjoy reading it I neither waste my time or money on it! Mind you with our group we do not need to have read the book to go!!!
I find it interesting to see the choice of books some people choose - one member of our group always chooses books most of the rest of us find odd - as if we need educating! Her last choice had to be changed twice before most people were happy - I still did not fancy the choice but happily was away from home visiting family the night of the discussion. Many books I have enjoyed very much although maybe would not have chosen if I had seen them in Waterstones.
Once when I actually admitted I bought the book but couldn't bring myself to read it - the one about breeding children for spare part surgery- I was told off by a member telling me I should still have read it no matter what! I retorted that at my age I thought I could decide what I would enjoy reading and what to give a miss! I had felt sick and upset just reading the synopsis and reviews.

I don't join easily but am fine when I 'get going'. I've found volunteering great for helping join in because everyone there has something in common. I even find meeting gransnetters scary first time round but they have all been lovely and I, for one, would love it if you could come to another of our meetups soutra.

I think more people are like us than we imagine because, in my experience, the ones who really do find it easy are few and far between. Most of my friends are people I've known a long time, especially DH, and have seen my life warts and all!

DD2 is brilliant at maintaining friendships but not good at starting things up and the other day she steeled herself to go up to a group of Mums at school who were chatting to each other while they waited to pickup. She had spoken to all of them individually so thought she would be ok. They all turned, smiled and then carried on where they left off and ignored her. Knowing what an effort that took and how upset she was about it, I could have cried for her - she is 34!

I was going to join our local WI but after attending one meeting where I felt like a fish out of water that was that. It was mainly yummy mummies with whom I had nothing in common, all talking in plummy accents and their next holiday in the Seychelles or Carribean.........
I feel I ought to join something but not sure what!

This is an interesting thread, I don't think I'm a joiner either. My husband is really affable enjoys a social life around his golf club and he can literally fit in anywhere. On the surface I'm ok in social situations when thrown together with strangers, I don't have a problem with that, but you describe how I feel ninathenana. Although I have made some good and permanent friends from school, work etc. and a couple from children's school days, I have found in the past when thrown together with mothers from play groups, children school days etc. they weren't always people I wanted to spend a lot of time with when I got to know them better, particularly the ones who were hell bent on living vicariously and competitively through their children. However, I guess any random group of people are going to find that they don't necessarily click with each other. I have 7 or 8 close female friends acquired over the years and enjoy meeting up on a one to one basis for lunch but I'm not one for going out with a load of other women on a regular basis. Other than that, my husband and I go out with other couples or spend time with family. I have a friend who has moved around a lot and always seems to acquaint herself with the entire street and local pub and when she moves on acquires another 20 or so friends for life, in some ways I envy that.

Just read your post loopylou, yes that's the sort of situation I think I would find difficult.

Oh Kitty I feel for you (and her), I remember watching from my kitchen window across the village green towards the bus stop and seeing DD1 aged 10 hovering on the edge of a group of kids as she waited for the school bus when we first moved to the village. After a few minutes the group opened up as presumably someone turned to include and, 30 years on I can say she has never looked back.
I am glad to say our DDs don't seem to share my hang ups so perhaps I did do something right.
PS I would love to get to another meet up, alas these last few weeks we have sometimes had medical things (for DH) 4 days out of 5

Yes, men do join book groups, our U3A has 2 book groups, one is run by a man and both have men in them. Book groups do force you to read books that you might otherwise reject (sometimes rightly so, based on Mrs P's comments when she has one she doesn't like)
One of Mrs P's 2 book groups is all women and tyat groups book choice is biased towards female orientated books. I accept that that comment is sexist, but they never choose sci fi, fantasy, action etc. which would normally be my choice.
Men/women do tend to read different genres so a mixed group would need to choose those books that interest both sexes. This is evident in the 2 groups Mrs. P is in.

Joining = I join so many groups that I find myself overloaded frequently and have to tidy my life up and have a spring clean.

We don't even seem to have many friends outside of family we socialise with -DH has always worked in solitary jobs so he hates meeting people he doesn't know and it's rubbed off on me I guess after 38 years of marriage.

I have pondered on book clubs, I know a couple of people who belong to one, they both say the same thing you can end up reading books that just don't appeal. One of the friends mentioned that when the discussion meeting takes place, certain people monopolise it and it's hard to get a word in edge ways.

I've never joined anything I don't think. Apart from a few slimming clubs which I attended for about 4 weeks each

Coo, loopylou..you were lucky finding a WI with young people (not that I would have wanted to join for the very reasons you said !! ) but our local groups here everyone is ancient more ancient than me .. in fact I did go once with a friend for a look-see, and the lady running the group said how lovely it was to see us "youngsters" as everyone was pretty old and they would love some young blood to join. Needless to say...we didn't !

Done that too KatyK

Apparently the older members felt almost pushed out as more younger women joined, very sad I think, and gradually gave up.

The village is sadly being gradually taken over by moneyed younger people who can afford to pay for the cottages often as second homes or their partners commute to the city.
Two newish landowners are in competition buying up land and properties for their employees. As money seems to be no object it's rather depressing in many ways. Their children don't attend the village school and they certainly don't fit in according to friends who live in the village.