Are you a natural "joiner"?

We belong to 2 U3A groups in different villages, the average age of one is on average 10 years younger than the other and that is apparent in the interest groups each has.

I'm not a joiner as I don't like commitment now I'm retired. I do support things that joiners organise though like village events, charity coffee mornings, church fetes etc.

Nothing worse than joining something then finding that either nobody speaks to you or in your eagerness to fit in you volunteer for the shitty challenging tasks that nobody else wants.

I don't think there are that many people who are so confident that they can feel at home in any social group.

I'm fairly sociable and have a variety of friends - some longstanding and some more recent. In some unfamiliar social situations I feel at ease and in others I feel uncomfortable and nervous. It all depends on the mix of people. I expect most people feel like that and I don't think it means that a person isn't a good mixer. I think it's perfectly natural not to be able to "gel" with everybody in every situation and I feel the majority of people are nervous when they first encounter a roomful of people they don't know.

Two of my friends are in book clubs and neither of them seem to be enjoying the experience very much. I would hate to have to read a book that I wasn't enjoying and it would remind me too much of being at school and having to plough through some boring book just because it was on the curriculum.

I'm a joiner big time. Since I've moved I've joined the TWG and Knit and Natter and I'm joining a local history group soon.

People say it's unusual for an only child (me) to like joining things so much. We're supposed to be insular and self reliant but I love people and groups.

I am definitely a joiner. When there wasn't a NHR group to join, I started one - twice. Then the next time I moved, there was one there already. I found a local one here and joined. Amnesty group; political parties, leading to local council and school govs; U3A, organising writing group. I don't think I'm the bossy type but am a soft touch when asked to be secretary or chairperson - just as long as nobody asks me to be a treasurer; they'd certainly regret that. No more organising for me now. I will join a group that sounds interesting but only if someone else is leading it!

I like to think I am a joiner, and there are several things I could get involved in - art club, tai chi, local history - but would not want DH, who is definitely not a joiner, to feel left out. He's not antisocial, but he finds it difficult to get to know new people. I don't think I was always gregarious, but as an Army wife for nineteen years a certain level of involvement in wives clubs (kind of like the WI with brass bits!) and such like was expected of one, and was, for the most part, fun. I learned, amongst other things, to cure sheepskins and to fire a 9mm pistol (very useful if you have to shoot the sheep to get the skin!. I wish DH would find something to do so that I would not feel so guilty about all the stuff I want to do!

I'm fine chatting to strangers at bus stops or on trains etc but any 'proper' social situation makes me panic. The only social event where I never felt nervous about going to is my racing club that met three times a year, which is why I was so devasated when I was told it had ceased to be. I've just been to my grandsons birthday party; the S.O. chatted away to my ex for an hour quite happily and I struggled to make conversation with anyone. I get so nervous I forget the golden rule which is to 'ask people about themselves' .

I've always been solitary and hated social occasions. I've only ever made friends when dragged into a group by others.
I joined a gardening club and, after a year, nobody had spoken to me so I left but a few years ago I was warmly welcomed into another group and it's made a huge unexpected difference to my life. I now have friends and attend various activities. I'll never be gregarious but now enjoy meeting people and can talk to anyone.
I wish I'd been able to overcome my shyness a lifetime ago, I've missed so much.

Tegan. Yes, asking others about themselves always goes down well.In the end though, you have to open up a bit about yourself too, and this is what a lot of people find hard to do.I join some things, but since getting older find that if I don't enjoy something, then I am not going to continue with it.Men rarely do anything that they don't want to do, so I am going to be the same. book groups can be enjoyable or a complete bore, I have been to two that fit into that description.I am thinking of joining a history group but never seem to do anything about it.

I like to feel I belong to a community. Working in schools meant that was easy but when retirement was on the horizon I sought ways to make sure I could recreate that feeling. I joined a new WI which was good fun.. new so no 'old'lags' doing it the way they always had! When we moved I helped to set up a new WI here and I have made some great new friends locally. DH and I have some long-standing shared friends that we see a lot and DH has a group of work colleagues,ex English teachers and advisers,who meet up regularly to discuss a book and often go for a literary walk too.
I love social occasions but can be reserved if I do not know people well.

What an interesting thread. Perhaps this sort of online 'conversation' attracts those of us who may find actual joining tricky? [Sad]

I mean of course

I'm not a natural joiner, but living alone and a distance from family, I've had to learn to overcome my anxieties. I belong to a book group, a walking group, a French circle and a choral society. At some of these activities, I have made acquaintances but at others real friends. I have found it easier to make friends in situations where conversation is a natural part, like the book group. I am not exactly shy, but tend to overcompensate by talking too much even when I try to apply the internal brakes.

I am a joiner. But have to be quite interested in whatever I want to join, to bother joining it. Else I can lose interest quite quickly.
But I realised recently that I have it easy.
I either have relatives that have already joined, or tend to know at least one person already there.

There are books and google stuff about this subject which can be helpful.

I do not find an online community sad, purpled. I find it easier because I am partially deaf and often have difficulty following conversation in real life. This morning at a coffee morning I had to explain three times that I was deaf and had not heard. I do not want to have conversations about hearing aids, which is what happened twice.

Am I a joiner, well I've never even thought about if I am, let's see.

I have a number of things I am interested in and I have no problem going on my own to a club meeting and seeing what goes on and if it interests me I would join, mainly for the thing I am interested in rather than meeting people.
The thing I am not interested in is committing myself to the committees within these groups.
This probably sounds very selfish but I would hate to let people down so wouldn't promise to do something if I couldn't say for sure if I would be available.

Purpledaffodil. I agree that this is a really interesting thread which seems to indicate that many people admit to not being 'natural joiners'.

I was always painfully shy until I started copying a colleague (now friend) who was a 'natural'. I can and do join in but still, somehow feel on the outside of most groups (including GN). I rarely make commitments because as Jeannie99 points out I don't want to let people down. However I am quite relaxed about chatting to people in the street , checkout, or other places when I bump into them. I am also capable of anything when I am with my grandchildren. Only today I was jiving with my 3 year old grand daughter at our local carnival and yelling at her sister,loudly at the wagons with displays on the parade. I will quite happily dance and sing when the grandchildren are with me!

I have never thought about it but I must be a joiner. Now that I am retired the main problem is having far too much choice and everything clashing. I volunteer for 3 different organisations- all of which need time and commitment. I also belong to a book group, various things with U3A, Zumba and NWR.There are more things that I would like to join but no time!

soutra, DD was at a Take That concert last night with one friend she made at school over twenty years ago and another she made while doing Saturday work in a local supermarket, so she is ok!

Good friends are so important! (are Take That still around then?)

Kittylester, my DD was there last night too, with 3 old school friends! Apparently it was good.
It's interesring how many posters admit to being gregarious on the outside but internally unconfident. Spose that describes me too. I can happily chat with strangers. I suppose there is no onus on us to make a good impression and we can really be ourselves. I love talking to people in queues or just people who are around and I usually initiate the chat, but if I see someone I only know slightly I tend to avoid them. I feel most relaxed with direct family, and with my few close friends. I do join things and sympathise with Apricot, who said nobody spoke to her after a year. I find it takes a while for people to become friendly and just accept that. I enjoy whatever the group is about, and don't worry overmuch about the friendliness or otherwise. I have to join things as DH has too many health problems now to go out much if at all. One exception to that is a voucher for afternoon tea today in a posh garden somewhere in kent. A Christmas present from DD2. At least the sin is shining!

Sun [sun]

Bella I do hope you enjoy your posh tea. My daughter bought me one and I shared it with a friend - just left my husband with her husband - she is the driver. We had difficulty finding the place, and it had the oddest signpost at the gate, but when we got there, my the tea was luxurious in the extreme. For just the two of us there was a whole tier of cream and other cakes to choose from, a lovely seat in a spacious alcove and tea until we could drink no more. Have a lovely day.
And keeping in with the thread, I am very much a joiner, but only in things I think I will enjoy, do not attempt unknown territory coward that I am, I find talking to people at bus stops and on trains is very easy, and I have an awful feeling that I am known as a chatterer by some of the people at bowls club, however, I try never to say anything about anyone that is unpleasant or in my view gossip. I too am an only child Falcon, and was very much a loner a school, did not make many friends there.

I too like to be part of some sort of community - after 25 years as an Army wife, living on garrisons etc., and 30 odd years working in big schools, it seems natural to me. But, like many of you, joining things doesn't come easily.
I sort of got edged into joining Rotary International and that is really where my community, local, national and international lies, as well as in this little town.

We also belong to the yacht club, which is a lovely social place, but that is through family association with it.

purple that's probably true. GNet has been good for me, I went to my first meet up very shortly after joining and the people I met then and since have enhanced my life as have many members whom I've never met.

As for real life friendships, my three close girlfriends from school all moved away, one only to England, one to Greece and the other to NZ, all of them when we were still young. I'm in touch with them all and we now use Facebook but it hasn't been the same as having them in my life. I've made friends since of course but apart from one friendship which lasted over 20 then ended as devastatingly as a divorce, none are of the 'soul mate' type.

My shyness has always come across as aloofness, I also have a non smiley 'resting' face which doesn't help. Interacting with others has become easier with age though as I've learned to make myself chat.

I've been thinking more about whether I'm a 'joiner' and have realised that things I have joined have been more educational than purely social such as language or art classes.