Getting words wrong

Lol. When we hadn't been here in the UK long, I told a colleague who had invited me for lunch, that I was sorry I had to blow him - found out later after much hilarity in the open plan office that the expression is "blow you off".

Actually I'm still at the memory.

My mother frequently asked her hairdresser for a 'blow job' and my aunt (her elder sister) referred to the menopause as the 'monoplus'

Those posts are really funny.
45 years ago, wedding shopping with my mother, while I was trying a dress on I heard her tell the assistant that my bridesmaid wanted a Dutch cap!

My sisters late MIL once reported that she'd stayed with friends for the weekend and she was going to 'retaliate' - reciprocate we think she meant - by inviting them to stay with her in the near future.
She also liked to go on 'all exclusive' holidays.

My old neighbour used to use Domestless down the loo.

I am pretty sure that I have already mentioned the occasion when I wandered into the kitchen one morning and asked Mr absent, "Do we have any Viagra?".

He blanched and asked why.

"Oh, the usual reason," I replied. "It's not working, it must be blocked. You'll have to take off the shower head and soak it."

A huge sigh of relief followed. "Yes," he said calmly, "There's Viacal in the cupboard under the sink."

My FIL reported that some neighbours had driven off to Glastonbury in a hired Doberman!

I still have no idea why my late mother called the old furniture store MFI, MI5!

Maybe she knew more and took the secret with her! x

I can't add to this discussion but have laughed out loud this morning. Thank you all and keep them coming.

My friend (a very astute business man) always called Customs and Excise, Customs and Exercise, I do not think he was being funny, he used the expression very often when talking about VAT.

I have heard several people refer to prostate problems as prostrate ones.

A local lady, when recounting the goings on at the 'naughty boys' school, told us that the boys had 'desecrated their dormobiles' dormitories.
My DD's FiL talks (ad nauseum) about his 'prostrate'; we have given up trying to put him right ...[sigh]

My late brother in law was telling us a story about his dog who was very anti-cat. "Every time she sees on in the garden" he said "she goes bearsick!" (Berserk!)

If I need to mention a certain London station, there's a fifty-fifty chance that I will say St Pancreas unless I pause and think about it first. It's just one of those words/names that I will never be able to say spontaneously without risk of embarrassment.

Sometimes though, even the correct word can cause hilarity. As an eight-year-old, I couldn't understand why the rest of the family fell about laughing when, on a walk through the wood next the local golf course, I asked my golf-playing dad if he had lost his balls that morning!
Worst of all was the fact that no one would tell me why it was funny

I'm sorry if this offends those of you with delicate sensibilities, but the same neighbour who used the Domestless once said to me that she wished her son would stop nibbling his foreskin! I was so relieved to discover that she meant the skin round the nail on his forefinger!

Katek

Katek

It was my grandma who renamed that poor animal the Durex Dog. She would be mortified to know that her mistake is still going strong 20 years after her death! Every time they show their adverts I think of her.

katek

When DH's sister was downsizing to a smaller property and had to get rid of most of her furniture and "stuff", she said "I'd like to get rid of the lot and go completely mimalistic!"

I once jokingly referred to a mural as a 'Muriel', as used by Hilda Ogden in Corrie. The friend must have thought I was correct, as she then used it to describe the painted wall of her son's bedroom to others. I should have explained but didn't want to embarrass her.

My FIL recounting a story said his friend had 'been made an escaped goat '

My DD2 when younger informed us that 'Jesus's mum was the vinegar Mary' and that her star sign was Vegetarius. ( Saggatarius )

DD3 on her first journey on the QE2 bridge shouted 'Oh, look at those big pillocks !' (pillars)

I'm sure there are many more with 3 DDs. I wish I had written them all down.

My next door neighbour it always using the wrong words. She had Panasonic views from her hotel room in Switzerland. I can't bring any more to mind but I find myself constantly trying to stifle a giggle.

My mum was showing me round the garden. Intending to say, 'Look at my pieris', she instead said, 'Look at my penis'. She realised immediately what she'd said and was more embarrassed than I ever saw her.