Surviving Living Alone

If you mix with people at work and have company there, perhaps that’s enough. When you are retired and see no one for days, that’s a very different scenario. It pays to join a few groups and make friendly acquaintances. Make it varied though, if you’re into walking for example try to join something less active, you never know when you have to give up an activity. I do think as you get older and you lose friends through incapacity or a friend might die, they are impossible to replace like your husband, but you can never the less get enjoyment in a different way. I used to be so involved with my family, but they are all grown up and I’m on the edge of things now. I like pottering in the garden and take myself off for the day somewhere. You have to try because life is what we make if it.

When my husband died I hated coming home to an empty house, especially in winter. It took time but eventually I got used to it.
Becoming engrossed in a hobby, I would now suggest genealogy though I have only become addicted to that relatively recently, certainly makes getting home more attractive and planning trips out and filling your calendar with things to look forward to does help.
I planned and put into effect changes to my home to make it more me, enjoyed playing my taste in music and watching interesting programmes on TV. I cooked new recipes and made decisions about my garden.
It worked for me and I am sure that you will feel better in time.
Best wishes.

I've lived alone for many years. Until three years ago I was working so I always had people around me. When I retired, I downsized and moved area. I got to know my neighbours and they are mostly lovely. I took up art so I go to a class every week. I look after my grandson who is two. I meet friends for coffee. I make myself go out even if some days I don't want to. It could just be to the local shop etc. I think the important thing is to try to have a positive attitude and keep in touch with others. I hope you find some happiness.

I have found it hard in the last few years, and really not understood why, because my preference is almost always my own company.
My school reports all say that I was a loner by choice, and that's true.

It has only recently dawned on me that it is no longer having that choice that I dislike.

I’m not alone but I would agree with the activities others have suggested and I would always advocate having a pet if you can afford to do so. If you have a dog not only are they wonderful, loving company but walking them you meet other people.

Msida you sound so sad. I really hope that you are alright.
I’ve noticed several posts from you, and it seems that you are really struggling.
I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone.
I will get back to you tomorrow
If you need someone to talk to, please call the Samaritans x

Msida, I can’t know your experiences, but can empathise. It can be very difficult to be on your own,especially in evenings, and at weekends. People are trying to help, when suggesting things to do, but it’s a bit like saying pull yourself together and however hard you try you can’t. Please contact the Samaritans, sometimes all you need, at any one point, is for someone to listen. My thoughts are with you, you are not alone. X ?

Msida, you sound so unhappy and sad. Not much I can say to make you feel more positive. However I send you virtual hugs and sincerely hope you begin to feel happier very soon. If you are not a joiner I understand that. Not sure if course how old you are but silverline are great listeners , might be with making that call. Sending good wishes .

Msida, generally, I love living alone but I have a lot of visitors. I do ask friends and family around for meals - as I love cooking for a crowd.

If I feel isolated, I tend to phone somebody for a chat or send them an email. I do chat to fellow dog walkers most days, as we all know each other and our paths cross often.

The one thing I hate, though, is if I wake up in the night feeling ill (thankfully a rare thing). If I'm sick - even the dog runs away!

How funny!

Oh Msida it sounds so hard for you. I think you will already know all the possible distractions - gardening - singing - music - exercise - books - learning - tv etc - but this is not the thing is it ? Perhaps some therapy or counselling might help, depending on your circumstance . But maybe you can give of yourself in some small
way , even if you feel right now that it is an impossibility ? There are many voluntary groups and charities who need help in the evenings or weekend if you are not at work and instead of it being a social ‘thing’ it would be a positive act of involvement in supporting others and this may well help. I worked in the hospice movement for many years ( I don’t know why you are alone so apologies of this is not your experience but it is about aloneness ) and many bereaved people spoke of how they found a new source of meaning in their lives by supporting others at the hospice . I understand this does not help on a day by day hour by hour basis but it may open up new ways of feeling that would be helpful. It could be anything from telephone support to housebound people, helping scouts learn knots or whatever you feel your skill set may be . I hope you find some solace in the support being shown here at least.

Msida, you sound so sad. I may be wrong, but it seems you are still working ( your first line) - have you not made any close friendships at work? What about family? I go out most days even if it’s just to have a coffee (usually Tesco). I sit there watching the world go by, and then when I return to my home, I’m glad of the peace and quiet ?

DS moved in with me after DH died (GS3 stays several nights a week as well) It means I'm not alone but it's not at all like living with DH and can still be quite lonely. Hopefully as life opens up more I will be involved with more groups.

This has helped so much

I am so grateful

What I have learnt

Find something that you like doing /hobby/genealogy just something to have to look forward to / going home to do

You have to try

Art classes, I love art I think it's amazing I would love to k ow how to draw and I am act3goi g to try and find a class to go to and I am so happy about that, just putting in my thought process was so helpful

Get out even if you do t want to, today I had to do exactly that I had a nice walk in the park in the fresh air, it was after work so at the e d of the day and getting dark so felt a bit lonely at first but then after walking a few steps it felt so very nice to be out in the fresh air.

Also I too as someone said get upset that I don't have the choice to be anything g other than alone

I am for the first time in my life seriously thinking of getting a dog, I'm really not a pet kind of person but I can see the benefits of having a little dod, it would mean having to go out for a walk every day and might feel nice knowing that I am not the only thing alive at home, if that makes sense.

I feel so blessed having so mu h helped that has put me in a good place

Thank you from the bottom of my heart ????

Msida - you've really struggled and my heart goes out to you.
A lovely idea - having the 'patter of paws' around your home and unconditional love and affection from a pet that's always there for you might help you a lot in working towards a different kind of life. Something like that might make you really happy again - you save a little dog and he repays your love by saving you, kind of thing. Take good care of yourself and make sure you treat yourself to the things that can make you happy - at least some of the time.
?

Do think carefully before getting a dog if you’re still working. I didn’t realise you work. It wouldn’t be kind to leave a dog alone.

I work from home so ok to get a dog

Msida. One thing to perhaps try, before you get your own dog, if you have never had one. There is a charity called The Cinammon Trust, who want volunteers to walk dogs for people who are ill/can't walk their own dog for a short time. You could register and will be told of dogs in your area that need a walk. I know someone who does this. She has built up a friendship with the dog owner too. You can choose a small easy to manage dog. You can do it just once a week or whenever suits you. cinnamon.org.uk/volunteers/

Second idea if you are on facebook. There is a really good free art workshop online, you do the painting along with others and all chat online. Better than nothing. Find the group on FB - Art, Painting and Creating with Annamarie .

There is always someone here to talk to.

Brilliant idea, seacliff ??

I have met some lovely people by going to a GN coffee morning. 4 of us who live fairly close meet once a month for coffee at a local supermarket and I think this is now year 5!

There is a larger group of GNs who met up for coffee and then lunch before Covid started. We are considering meeting up again. There may well be a group that meets in your area.

Another thing you could possibly do if you like cats is to foster one or two. If eg it was the Cat Protection League they would pay vet bills, supply the bedding etc and also pay for the food. Each area may change but in mine, if the cat comes from a home where there was an abusive relationship it is moved to a quieter home and here it is for a minimum of 5 months.

Good luck.

Hello Msida. I am now retired and live alone. I don’t have a large circle of friends as I am an introvert and enjoy alone time. I find that my pets (dog and cats) are good company and walking the dog gets me out every day. I meet up with a friend once a week for a meal and text with friends now and then which keeps me from being alone all the time. I’ve developed some hobbies such as gardening and refinishing furniture and I enjoy reading and watching old movies. I know that being an introvert helps me to live on my own since I’m easily overwhelmed with social interactions. I hope you can find a balance that works for you.

I agree with Charleygirl5 that fostering cats or dogs is something to consider!

Sympathy, Msida. I've found that you do get used to it, even come to like it in time. I don't think I could live with anyone now, after 13 years on my own. I never was madly sociable anyway. I hope you have family or friends nearby that you can see sometimes.
The above advice to get a pet is good I think. I do hope you start to feel better very soon.

There is a great site called ‘Borrow My Doggy’. It can help match you with someone local who needs their dog walked. Can be weekdays or evenings or weekends. A small fee to join but invaluable. I used it when I moved to a new area and it was brilliant. Fresh air, regular walking, meeting other people (they talk to you much more when you have a dog!) , exploring the area. Also helped me decide that having a dog permanently wasn’t for me!