Surviving Living Alone

I have lived alone, except for the dog, for 10 years now since my husband died. It was hard getting used to being a widow, not because of the lonliness but because I had lost my soulmate. I have always been a loner and not seeing or talking to people on a daily basis doesn't bother me. I would really counsel people not to get a dog just for companionship....really the ONLY reason to get a dog is because you want a dog. They are very hard work and get harder work as they (and you) get older and i say this as someone who had had dogs for around 35 years and loves them. My current old boy can no longer get in my car and panics if he is left alone so I spend most of my time at home, again this doesn't bother me as I have loads of crafty hobbies and I love my garden but I would be the first to agree that my lifestyle is unusual and won't suit many people....which I why I say really think hard about having a dog. I know its got a bad rep but i like facebook for chatting, there are loads of groups on there for various hobbies and interests, some have real life meet ups as well.

Msida, just popping back to say I'm so glad that you're considering a pet dog. I'm sure my pets have kept me happy (and sane) during lockdown.

I have to go out for a walk or two daily (which lifts my spirits) and there's a routine to their care, feeding etc. that is reassuring.

Just watching them play makes me smile. The little dog trots up the garden, is ambushed by the cat, from a hiding place - and it begins 'You chase me - then I'll chase you'!

Smurf52

nsida when I moved to my current city I looked on Google to see if there were any meeting groups in the area. On the app Meet Up it tells you by area where you can meet up with like minded peeps. It’s really given me things to look forward to.

I am in several local Meetup groups, mainly those that go out for meals due to my limited mobility but there are loads of special interest groups. In fact, I’m off out tonight for a meal with an all women group, there will be 12 of us and I know I will have a great time.

I don’t know what your beliefs are but being part of a church really helps. I know I’m not alone yet but I was divorced 10 years ago and my last two children are 16 and rarely join me in the evenings etc. and I look after my grandson on once a week, I also work and as yet don’t have much free time but I know my church has lots of things which are open to non believers so I know that there will be much I can do when the day comes that I am more alone at home. I also have a huge pile of books (and in my Kindle) which I can’t wait to read. I often think when people say they are lonely that by trying to help other lonely people you benefit yourself. Invite someone for coffee, out ti lunch etc. Hope that helps x

I idly looked up local dog-walking the other day and I was actually shocked at the amount of money one could earn. Admittedly I live in London but dog walking for eg somebody working all day or joining a dog walking business, you would come in contact with the same dogs, get to know them but not have vet or food bills to pay.
A visually impaired friend of mine looks after two dogs during the day whilst the owners work- not every day but hours suitable to both clients. One little dog just wants company, love and attention which she gets in abundance. The other goes for short walks to do its business. That works well for her.
A few of us met for coffee one day and she brought the tiny dog in a bag. I spent the entire time stroking it and he was so good. A win/win situation.
Good luck.

nsida when I moved to my current city I looked on Google to see if there were any meeting groups in the area. On the app Meet Up it tells you by area where you can meet up with like minded peeps. It’s really given me things to look forward to.

Msida This came up on the Apollo art magazine site. You can register for free which allows you to read four articles a month.

tinyurl.com/ew8kp2bb

This is an article following the advice given by psychotherapist Phillipa Perry, Grayson Perry's wife, about drawing your way out of heartbreak.

Apart from during covid when I was caring for a reative with Alzheimers, I've lived alone for over 30 years and that's how I like it. I'll visit people on my terms, not staying too long beause I get 'peopled out'.

100% get a doggy, you will wonder why you didn't get one sooner
best best wishes to you
p.s. let us know how you get on
xxx

Totally agree, Socks and Chardy. I've become selfish, but don't care after a lifetime of doing what other people want!

I'm with socksandsocks01. I couldn't go back to those days of 'what time do you want to eat?', 'what do you want to watch?' Sorry if I sound selfish, but I like being in charge of my life.
I've a friend who seems to constantly ask if I've 'met someone'. No!

I think it takes time. I felt lonely even thoughi had kids when I got divorced. Even Christmas songs rubbed it in I hated the "I saw mummy kissing santa claus" one. But eventually I stopped looking at others with their happy times. Gradually I got into hobbies and other things that I liked. I could choose the tv programmes I wanted. I could choose whatever I wanted to eat. I eventually loved being alone and not having to think or consult with another.but my circumstances were different and I think that's where the issue lies. My mother missed my dad for the rest of her life but she eventually did get used to him not being around. She never had her knitting needles out of her hands knitting for charity and the baby units at the hospital, grandchildren etc. I hope you too find peace and comfort

I’ve lived alone since my daughter left home 3 years ago; I’ve been divorced for 14 years.
I have a lovely home in a fantastic town, a satisfying part-time job, a small group of good friends (enough for me) and a cranky dear old dog who’s literally on his last legs.

I’ve had the dog 10 years and love going out on walks and meeting all manner of people. He has dementia now and a nasty degenerative condition but can still be very loving and I couldn’t imagine life without him. He’s a rescue and I’m on the lookout for another one. Despite all this I still find living alone very tough at times and am constantly having to count my blessings. I do think that when I’m older (I’m 64), I might want to live with a friend or possibly my brother whose long-term single. Living alone isn’t what I’d envisaged OP but you have to adapt and my main recommendation would be to get a dog. I haven’t suffered a bereavement and my heart goes out to you and I hope you get more used to your new life.

That is so very kind Urmstongran.

I do truly believe in the restorative power of art whichever medium we choose to explore. I've been through the pain of widowhood and know how hard it can be. Somedays it can be a struggle just to put one one foot in front of the other. The memory of that brave woman and her camera just suddenly came to mind again, this idea of doing something creative every day that could act as a journal to look back on to see how far we have come.

Early I would just like to say I read your post just now and found it poignant and inspiring in equal measures. You sound such a caring soul.
?

I was widowed two and a half years ago and have struggled with loneliness. I had always been a person who enjoyed my own company but since being widowed I am the opposite. I have had 3 bereavements in the past 3 years - father, husband and brother - two if which were sudden. I live in a rural location and once I get home I don't see a soul. Having my dogs has helped. I also have a new part time job which I enjoy and have joined a local Meetup group. Unfortunately poor health and work commitments mean I can only attend Meetup activities infrequently but everyone there is very friendly. I would highly recommend Meetup groups if there is one near you.

Hi again the free online art workshop I did was just on video sorry does not have to be Facebook. Here is the link if you want them to send the next one, there is no catch.
create.artbyannamarie.com/next-painting-workshop/

I am sure there are loads of similar ones you could try.

I have had a dog in the past and they are a bit like children, they need you and you have to give them regular love and attention. And of course be able to pay vets bills, kennels if you go away etc.

Just thought, trying walking with someones' elses dog first would give you an idea of what it would be like, to decide if you want to make that long term commitment.

Good luck whatever you try.

I love watercolour painting but have had to forgo art group/classes in past years. But Youtube has been marvellous, so many mini tutorials/demo's. When you find someone you like, you can subscribe to their videos and see earlier ones. Just put 'beginner drawing or whatever into the search box. I try to do a little every day usually greeting cards A good art supply shop will be very helpful in advising what materials you need. You will probably find that the staff are keen artists themselves. It is a place also to find adverts for local classes.

Smurf52I would love a Cavapoo your so lucky

What is a friendship group that sounds so nice

I too live alone. My Godsend is my four year old Cavapoo dog, Lulu. I got her when I retired. She is so affectionate and loving, I couldn’t imagine life without. She gets me out of the house too and it’s surprising how many people stop and talk when you’re dog walking. I broke my ankle 3 months ago and my brother has had Lulu since then while recuperate, so I know how you feel. Or get a cat maybe?

If you’re not an animal person, I’ve joined a friendship group of men and women in my city and we eat out, days out, park walk, go on holiday together. It’s been wonderful getting to know people.

Or volunteering for charity shops to get you out of the house moping?

So helpful thank you it's so comforting to read these posts

What a brilliant idea cinnamon.org.uk/volunteers/ definitely going to try that thank you for letting me know about that So helpful, I hope there are people in my area that need dog voluntary dog walkers

Thank you fir the Facebook art suggestion I don't really like Facebook but I am going to search for free class and see what I find

I feel a few doors opening up I feel alot more hopeful so grateful thank you so much ????

I have lived on my own since 1971. Pros and cons. Fine when you’re well and busy but not so good when you’re ill, old and lonely.

I really feel for you Msida. I like my own company some of the time, but not 24/7. My problem is that I’m hard of hearing, and that creates so many difficulties when it comes down to joining clubs, going to coffee mornings etc. It’s pointless when conversations can’t be followed. I was seriously considering joining the WI, but decided against it for this reason. I keep myself busy going for walks, gardening, reading etc. I do hope you find contentment and happiness. You are most definitely not alone ??

MissAdventure

How funny!

Why?

I haven't seen your previous posts Msida, but I assume you are newly bereaved and I am so sorry.

It takes time to get used to the horrible empty feeling after any loss - whether caused by a death or a break-up.

As you never have lived alone, you can't even fall back on memories of what being single was like, but I frankly don't think it would help you much right now.

If you are in the UK and have recently lost your husband perhaps you should try www.cruse.org.uk/

I know others who have benefited from their help.

A pet, it doesn't have to be a dog, will certainly make the house feel less empty. so if you would like a pet, go to the nearest animal shelter on your next day off.

I am sure we are all thinking of you. Believe me: it does get easier, but no-one can tell you when or how that happens.